All the world's a stage ... and the stage is a classroom?
Without further ado, we present our nominees for "the moral of the story."
- Lessons Learned from Movies -
learn from them, grasshopper
[ From Adventures in Babysitting ]
* Babysitting can be quite dangerous!
* Don't leave home without your purse/wallet.
* When you're feeling low, it helps to sing the blues.
* If you wear glasses, keep track of them when you're out and about.
* Running away from home is a very bad idea.
* When around those you have a crush on: be subtle.
* Heroes are not just found in comic books.
* Do not pick up anything that you can't see clearly.
[ From Back to the Future ]
* The past affects the future.
* It's important to do things with style.
* Parents are people too.
* Be very suspicious if a teenage boy tells you he was bird-watching.
[ From Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure ]
* Joan of Arc was *not* Noah's wife.
* Lyrics make great pick-up lines.
* Little brothers can come in handy.
* French dictators will cheat at bowling.
* Sigmund Freud may have been a tad "geeky."
* Twinkies can soothe the savage barbarian.
* Phone booths can hold a surprising number of people.
* When trying to escape, do not run into an ice-skating rink.
* Be excellent to each other.
[ From Bridget Jones' Diary ]
* Dating a scoundrel is a bad idea, even if he or she is gorgeous.
* Don't settle; wait for something extraordinary.
* First impressions are sometimes wrong.
* When trying to use a microphone, be sure it is switched on.
* Remember that there are two sides to every story.
[ From The Goonies ]
* Don't get too close while your dad is fixing the sink.
* Pepsi sponsored a lot of movies in the 1980s.
* Never trust a sleazy guy to translate for you.
* Clumsiness can come in handy.
* Sometimes you just gotta take the long shot.
* Whining gets you nowhere.
* Chocolate can be a powerful motivator.
* Don't forget your bag of marbles.
* Bad guys are *not* fooled by Hardy Boys' plots.
* You can't hug a photograph.
* Wishes do come true.
[ From Horror Movies ]
* When leaving a group of friends to venture off into the night, never say "I'll be right back." You won't.
* Do not search the basement or attic, especially if the power is out.
* When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go alone.
* If you are searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it was just the cat, get the heck out. Expeditiously.
* Should appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits. Again, just get out.
* If you find a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
* When running from a monster, DO NOT look back.
* If you drop your flashlight into a hole, under a door, or anywhere you have to reach into blindly, don't. Your arm will most likely be eaten.
* If a strange man moves in next door do not, repeat do not, invite him into your house, nor let him see you peering at him.
[ From Lord of the Rings ]
* Nobody tosses a dwarf!
* Except when they do, and then they don't tell anyone.
* It's important to keep selfish desires in check.
* Leave fireworks to the professionals.
* Don't try to pass your responsibilities to others.
* Little people can do big things.
* Really big spiders are scared of bright light.
* Never trust someone with an un-natural affinity for jewelry.
[ From The Mummy ]
* What some call "stealing," others call "borrowing."
* It's a bad idea to murder the Pharaoh while you are in his palace.
* Nasty little people who betray others always get their comeuppances.
* Under no circumstances should you open an ancient box that threatens death to the one that opens the box.
[ From Pirates of the Caribbean ]
* Don't take other people's treasure, even if they're dead.
* Be very careful when telling people a fake name.
* Not all treasure is silver and gold.
* Know when to break the rules. Sometimes "codes" are merely guidelines!
[ From Prince of Persia: Sands of Time ]
* Things are not always what they seem.
* Even a crazy story might be true.
* Know the facts before you react. Don't be easy to deceive.
* You can't have a race with one ostrich.
* Never trust a man in a robe and heavy makeup.
* People overuse the word impossible.
* A dagger with a glass handle is fairly impractical as a weapon.
* Only a princess would expect to outrun a sandstorm.
* Royalty or commoner, I have decisions to make, and there *is* such a thing as a bad choice.
* One moment can change everything.
* We make our own destiny.
* Sometimes you get a second chance.
[ From The Princess Bride ]
* Not much can get in the way of true love.
* Beware of princes who smile too much.
* Overconfidence can be deadly.
* Inconceivable does not mean impossible.
- Lessons Learned from Television -
Who says there's nothing good on?
[ From 21 Jump Street ]
* Don't underestimate those who look young.
* Know when to break the rules.
* The Captain can call you whatever he wants, Sport.
* It's tough being the new guy.
* Everyone messes up sometime.
* High school just doesn't get any easier.
[ From Alias ]
* Some people can get their wigs to stay on really well.
* Know your employer.
* Sometimes the truth hurts. A lot.
* A tight dress is really all a girl needs to crash some very "swank" parties.
[ From Angel ]
* Brooding is such a waste of time.
* Even good-looking people have problems.
* Some humans are monsters.
* The handsome man doesn't always rescue the damsel in distress, but she doesn't always need him to.
[ From Buffy the Vampire Slayer ]
* You can't trust guys.
* Sometimes you can't trust girls either.
* On an English make-up exam, you don't get credit for speaking it.
* It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
[ From Caroline in the City ]
* If you want, you can read anything into a painting.
* A girl can dream, can't she?
* Sometimes you need a little more swooshy in your life.
* If you like someone, for Pete's sake, tell them.
[ From Friends ]
* There is no meat in beer.
* Be very suspicious when those you teased in school want to date you.
* Don't say "I'll call you" if you have no intention of calling.
* You don't have to be a waitress to make coffee.
* Be very careful to say the correct name during your wedding vows.
* Be very careful when drinking with your friends. Especially in Las Vegas.
* Losing gracefully is a skill not possessed by all people.
* At the end of a relationship, it is important to have closure.
* Calling someone when you're drunk is a very bad idea.
[ From MacGyver ]
* Any problem can be solved with a little ingenuity.
* One person can make a difference.
* Never underestimate the power of chocolate.
* Nice guys don't always finish last.
[ From Moonlighting ]
* Private detectives have all the fun.
* No office should be without a wacky secretary.
* Be very careful who you trust with your money.
* Few people can annoy you as much as the ones you're attracted to.
[ From Quantum Leap ]
* Sometimes underneath all the booze and anger is a pretty terrific person.
* It's never too late. Not if you want something bad enough.
* A terrifying prospect? The first alien contact on Earth and it's a lawyer.
* As Al would say, "Timing is everything."
[ From Reality Shows ]
* Once again, Andy Warhol was right about that "15 minutes of fame" thing.
* People will do anything to be on television.
* Most people have no business being on television.
* There are a lot more interesting things than watching television.
[ From Soap Operas ]
* Think someone is gone for good? Think again!
* If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.
* Life as an extremely rich person can be terribly difficult.
* Sometimes beautiful people really aren't.
[ From The Young Riders ]
* The Good Old Days weren't always so good.
* Men lie, but numbers don't.
* People don't have to be related to be family.
* Those that love you will let you know when you're out of line.
- Lessons Learned from Songs -
Life's Little Instructions set to music
* A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
* A long hard day sure ain't much fun, but you gotta get it started if you wanna get it done.
* A pretty face don't mean no pretty heart.
* All the riches of the kings end up in wills.
* Almost doesn't count.
* Baby, don't you break my heart slow.
* Big girls don't cry.
* Don't forget your second wind.
* Don't let 'em get you down; don't let 'em push you around.
* Don't worry; be happy.
* Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
* Even the losers get lucky sometimes.
* Everybody plays the fool.
* Everyone needs a hand to hold on to.
* Every rose has its thorn.
* Get over it.
* Hold on to sixteen as long as you can.
* I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining
* I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.
* I don't want another lover at my door, just another heartache on my list.
* If it don't come easy, you better let it go.
* If this ain't love, baby, just say so.
* If you keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside.
* If you love somebody, set them free.
* It ain't over 'til it's over.
* It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing.
* It just might be a lunatic you're looking for.
* It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.
* It's a great day to be alive.
* It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.
* Let your loss be your lesson.
* Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking.
* Love is a battlefield.
* Love is a two-way street. You take the good with the bad, the bitter with the sweet.
* Never run away.
* Sad songs say so much.
* Signs, signs, everywhere a sign!
* Some people are easy on the eyes, hard on the heart.
* Some things are better left unsaid.
* Sometimes love just ain't enough.
* Stand by your man.
* The waiting is the hardest part.
* The world doesn't stop for your broken heart.
* There is none so blind as he who will not see.
* This silly game of love; you play, you win - only to lose.
* Tough times don't last. Lovers do.
* What a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.
* Where the sun always shines, there's a desert below.
* Worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
* You always hurt the one you love.
* You can't always get what you want.
* You can't dance and stay uptight.
* You can't hide your lyin' eyes.
* You don't have to live like a refugee.
* You gotta get up to get down.
* You only get what you give.
* You'll only miss the man you wanted him to be.
* You've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.
* You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
- Lessons Learned from Wherever -
They're everywhere! They're everywhere!
[ From the Internet ]
* Be very careful where you post your email address.
* Be very suspicious if you receive large email attachments that you weren't expecting.
* Be especially cautious when doing business on-line, as it is far too easy for people to hide.
* Not all free email services are created equal.
* When tempted to download "free" software, read the fine print carefully.
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