Quotations 101

Guys Next Door
next door to what, exactly?

Guys Next Door 101
» Spoiler Warning: details on this page could spoil any surprise(s) in the story if you have not seen this complete TV series.

The Guys Next Door were a pop group consisting of Patrick J. Dancy, Eddie Garcia, Bobby Leslie, Damon Sharpe, and Chris Wolf. In the early '90s, they released one album, entitled Guys Next Door, and at least one single - "I Was Made For You" - made it to the charts in the US.

The Guys also had their own live action television show on Saturday mornings. The premise for the show was that the guys were bored with what was on television, so they took over the airwaves, interrupting "Boogie the Dancing Pig." The show featured the Guys' music videos and comic sketches that included spoofs of movies, television, and musicians popular at the time. The show lasted one season, ending in May of 1991.

Guys Next Door: Recap and Review
What makes it so notable? Whether singing or acting, the Guys' likeable personalities shine through, adding further appeal to fun skits and videos.
What are its weak points? As is often the case with sketch comedies, some of the jokes fall flat. And as is often the case with music groups, some of the songs are a bit generic.
Verdict: Casual Fan or Big-Time Fangirl? Big-Time Fangirl
Comments: Although the group failed to find the audience needed to make it a hit, Wikipedia recognizes that the Guys have retained "a dedicated fanbase with several web fan sites." That's no small feat, considering the limited exposure they received and how long ago the series premiered. As part of that dedicated fan base, I like to attribute the longevity to the same appeal they have for me: their unique blend of music and humor was simply fun to watch.


- Quotes -
The good, the bad, the sad, the funny: the things we wish we'd thought to say first.

Damon (to really big/tough guy): If you're gonna kill me, please don't mess up my hair. The funeral guy will never get it right.

[from a skit about the first five guys on the planet]
Caveman Patrick: In our previous meeting we were discussing girls. Does anyone have anything to add?
Caveman Bobby: I've seen 'em. They look just like us, but they're lumpy.
Caveman Patrick: I'm pretty sure that's the good part.

[from the song "I've Been Waiting For You"]
I've been waiting for you (waiting for you)
All my life for somebody who (somebody who)
Makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you, baby
Have you been waiting, too?
'Cause I've been waiting for you

[from the song "Bad Hair Day"]
If even some of it would stay,
It'd be enough to make it through the whole day.
But it's a Bad Hair Day
And it won't obey.

[from the song "Bobby Can't Dance"]
Bobby's out and on the dance floor,
I'll admit, it ain't a pretty sight.
It's more like watching reruns
Of Roadrunner and Coyote fight.

[from the song "Home Videos"]
Walkin' into walls, that's somethin' they buy,
Trip up your brother, put his face in a pie.
Make your dad look bad, make your mom real mad,
Your family looks dumb but you're havin' all the fun.

[from a parody of an anti-drug ad]
(Patrick puts a toupee in frying pan.)
Patrick: This is your hair.
(He pours a thick liquid - maybe corn syrup - on the hair.)
Patrick: This is your hair with goop. Not a pretty picture, is it? If you're a goop-head, stop. And if you don't goop, don't start.

[from a parody of America's Most Wanted]
(The fugitive is Cinderella's Wicked Step-Mom - Eddie sits on a desk and addresses the camera.)
Eddie: She is reported to be living up North somewhere with two bug-ugly daughters. If you see her give our hotline a call, or pop the old bat one for me.


- Lessons Learned -
What can we learn from this TV series?

* As the Fashion Police would say, "If you can't dress well, don't dress at all."
* As the Fashion Police also say, "Don't try the Madonna look if you are over 300 pounds."
* To stop biting your nails, try wearing shoes.
* To stop agin', ya gotta keep ragin'!
* "Sorry" don't slice the pizza.
* Love can lift you up high or take you so low. But if you never try, then you'll never know.
* Don't talk about love. Don't talk about romance. Don't talk about all the plans we had.
* People who live in glass houses... should use their neighbor's bathroom.
* A strategically placed veil can hide a really big nose.
* With a little luck, anyone can win a disco dance contest.
* Some people are sore losers.
* There are too many lovers, but not enough love.
* It's bad to keep one's dreams locked up in one's room.
* This could be the night: magic night.
* Some guys - and girls! - are just parasites, who ain't gonna treat you right.
* Don't be shy, girl.


- Favorite Scenes -
Also known as "moments"

Damon was always worried about how his hair looked, and one of the funnier videos involved him lamenting his "Bad Hair Day."

Damon's preoccupation with his looks was a running theme. In one skit, an exasperated Damon says, "I'm not cute, and I'm having a bad hair day!" (I think we've all been there. ;)

The guys relentlessly teased Bobby for his lack of dancing ability. (Note to Bobby: I can't dance either! We're perfect for each other ... marry me?)

In one episode, Chris is given the gift of ESP, and he describes knowing what is going to happen as "living my life in fast-forward."

In another episode, Patrick is dumped by a girl. He loses all confidence in himself and starts to disappear: literally. A thug that often showed up at the Guys' place arrived and noticed that the gang was looking a bit vexed. They pointed to Patrick to explain their problem and the thug says, "Whoa! Grab some pasta, Tex - you're thinnin' out, big time."

The thug mentioned in the previous "memory" had to tell stories to some orphans - or something - as a condition of his parole. Since the Guys' place was closer, he just stopped by there. One day he showed up as they were sitting around and they told him, "But we don't want a story." With a glance at their feet propped up on the coffee table near him, he retorts, "Hey, I don't want stinky feet, but sometimes it happens."

One episode revealed how Chris' Aunt Sophie sold info about the Guys to a tabloid magazine. They angrily confront Aunt Sophie who admits that she spiced it up a bit so it wouldn't be so boring. She says optimistically that people know who they are, and Bobby retorts that "everyone thinks we're from the planet Kway-dork!"

Among the information listed in the tabloid: Bobby hears voices. Damon wears a wig. Chris can't skip. Patrick has twelve toes. Eddie dates Roseanne.

When the other guys tease Eddie about the dating-Roseanne rumor, he denies it. They persist in taunting him, and he angrily shouts, "I'm not going with Roseanne!" He adds a bit dejectedly, "She dumped me..."

In one skit, Eddie and Chris play two Latino, player-type guys who give love advice. Chris is reading a letter from a guy who is losing his girlfriend "even though I bought her baked goods and got down on my knees." Looking very confused, Eddie wonders, "What ...? Like, a muffin or something?"

As part of the previous skit, Chris basically advises the advice-seeker to be a man; Eddie wraps it up by indignantly saying, "Now, let me hear nothing more about baked goods."

Another time, Eddie is reading a letter from "one Frank Nathaniel Stein." Glancing over at the letter, Chris corrects him, "Frankenstein." Basically, Frankenstein complains about the wife that the doctor built for him, who complains that he "no speak good" and "kisses too gooshy." Chris interjects, "If I may make a point about that 'no speak good' part..." Eddie advises Frank to get himself one of those zombie women. Chris agrees, "You don't hear zombie women complaining about gooshy kisses."

In another skit, Patrick and Bobby play the French-accented Fashion Police Etienne and Rudolpho. Bobby (Etienne) snobbily remarks to us, the viewers, that others "very often look as bad as you." Rudolpho thoughtfully comments that that wasn't very nice. Ever the snob, Etienne haughtily changes it to "look as bad as people who are not you."

In another appearance by the Fashion Police, as they're about to show us the most vile of the fashion offenders, Rudolpho can barely continue, thinking of the horror of it. Etienne encourages him, "Be brave, Rudolpho, I am here." (FYI, the vile fashion offender is the sports fan.)

Another recurring skit involved Chris playing superhero Pizza Guy. ("He's at the scene of the crime in 30 minutes or less, or the crooks go free.") At one point, he catches two about-to-flee bad guys by producing a lump of dough and quickly working it into a flat round sheet, which he tosses at them. They stop, partly covered by it. Beaten, one of the baddies declares, "We've been doughed."

Another time, a puppy is left on the Guys' doorstep. Just when they get used to having him around, the owner comes and takes him back. The guys are sitting around talking about how they'll miss him. Adding his thoughts, Bobby says, "Yeah, and no more little 'surprises' around the place." Chris encourages him, "Go ahead, Bobby. Say 'poop.'"


- Afterthoughts -
Miscellaneous material

* Trivia: Although "I Was Made For You" was the only single released, "I've Been Waiting For You" is by far the group's biggest hit on YouTube, with over 300,000 views for the video.

Credit: the bio above is a modified version of one from the now-closed Unofficial Site, which can be viewed here at the Internet archive. The "Parasite" video screen captures are from links in the Music Videos section of this YouTube channel.

* Guys Next Door website links: Guys Next Door Page, @ Wikipedia, GND @ IMDB, Bobby @ IMDB, Chris @ IMDB, Damon @ IMDB, Eddie @ IMDB, Patrick @ IMDB, gndfan @ YouTube, gnd4evr @ YouTube, GND videos @ YouTube, fan get-together 2005,

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