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With a million gigabyte capacity I'm quite capable of rubbing my tummy, patting my head, and doing a trillion floating point operations at once. - Ziggy from the ep The Leap Back
I think we need to take a trip to the little bank robber's room. - Al in the ep Promised Land
Don't be ridiculous, kids love violence. - Ben Harris, TV writer in the ep Future Boy
We're in the wrong-righting business. - Al in the ep Goodbye Norma Jean
You've got to reach for the stars, not for the ceiling. - Sam in the ep Memphis Melody
If I'd have known I'd have to do this much running, I would have worn my cross training shoes. - Al in the ep Unchained
Why do we even bother? Because that's what we do. We're professional botherers. - Sam and Al, {A Single Drop of Rain}
I'm not a doctor, I just play one on television. - Sam in the ep Moments to Live
You're the genius you know, use your head! - Al, before Sam goes head first through the window, in the ep Moments to Live
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Al: I would love to fix that flat for you. But I can’t. I mean--
Lady with car trouble: It’s your only tux, and you’re late for your wedding.
Al: How could I be late? We’ve just met.
Gushie (on the phone): He’s leaping! Ziggy said no, but Sam’s leaping!
Al: He can’t leap. We’re not ready!
"We did it . . . Did what?" Sam, first thoughts during his first leap
Peg: I look awful. Most women bloom when they get pregnant; I shrivel. Tom, I look like a prune!
Sam: My name’s not Tom.
Peg: Honey, you’re supposed to say, "Peg, I love prunes." What do you mean your name’s not Tom?
Sam: As nightmares go, this one is taking a turn for the better.
Sam: Okay, it’s not a dream. It’s a nightmare. And if it’s a nightmare, sooner or later . . . there’s gonna be a boogieman.
Sam: Given enough time, you can get used to anything. Even a nightmare. All you have to do is relax and trust those around you.
Al: That’s a good one, Sam.
Sam: You know my name.
Al: I’m not that wasted.
Sam: Why do you know who I am when no one else does?
Sam: Ziggy. Little guy with bad breath.
Al: No, that’s Gushie. He programmed Ziggy.
Sam: What’s my last name?
Al: If you can’t remember, I can’t tell you.
Sam: Can’t you just fade in or something?
Al: You tell me how to "fade in" agitated carbon quarks, and I’ll make the scientific journals.
Sam: Just don’t sneak up on me!
Dr. Berger: Now you’re a doctor.
Sam (regaining his memory): Evidently.
"I’m in a real identity crisis here, Al." Sam, during his second leap
Sam: In other words, I could be bouncing around in time forever.
Al: No. Nobody lives forever.
Al: He isn’t saying.
Sam: What?
Al: He’s depressed.
Sam: He’s a computer!
Al: He’s got a big ego.
Sam: Maybe this quantum leaping isn’t such a bad deal after all.
Sam: The trouble with quantum leaping is that just about the time I start to enjoy being a hero, the Big Guy with the remote control switches channels on me.
"Great. Four of my least favorite clichés: headbands, bellbottoms, flower power and English Lit." Sam, upon finding himself to be a college professor in the early 1970s
Al: You’re breaking your own insider trading rule.
Sam: What?
Al: Quantum leap rule numero uno. The time traveler shall not take advantage of his position to improve or alter his life.
Sam: If I made the rule, I can rescind it. So ordered.
Al: Not without committee approval.
Sam (giving a jock advice about romance): Tell her how beautiful she is, how . . . her perfume drives you crazy, how you can’t get her eyes out of your mind.
Al: How could she know it was you when she doesn’t meet you for twelve years?
Sam: We’re star-crossed souls.
Al: Then uncross.
"You know those six doctorates that you hold? Not one of them is in psychiatry." Al, not impressed with one of Sam’s ideas
Sister Angela (to Sam): That surprise punch in the last inning? It was inspired.
Trainer Guy: "The last inning." Real good.
Sam: I’m not too good.
Sister Angela: Don’t be so modest, Cody. You won your last ten fights, all by a knockdown.
Al (about Sister Angela): Who does she remind you of?
Sam: Ingrid Bergman.
Al: No. You. You and me both, back in the old days, when we were trying to raise funding for the imaging chamber.
Al: Ziggy figures it’s just an … unscheduled stop.
Sam: Well, in case you and Ziggy haven’t noticed, they’re all unscheduled stops.
"Great. I’m on the take, wearing polyester clothes, and live above a bar in an apartment decorated like a gym. If I’ve got a roommate, he’s probably got cauliflower ears." Sam, just before meeting his roommate - the topless dancer
Sam: What "unknown variables"?
Al: Well, if we knew the unknown, the unknown wouldn’t be unknown.
Sister Angela: How did you ever get to be a prize fighter?
Sam: Just … kinda fell into it.
Sam: You’re not a tramp. You’re a stripper. That’s a profession.
Dixie: So’s hooking.
Sister Angela: I thought . . . that God sent me a champion. But He sent me a cheat.
Sister Angela: You’re telling me that you’re going to win tomorrow?
Sam: I’m damn well-- Excuse me. I’m gonna try.
Chance: It’s all my fault. I raised you to run this place like a man and now you don’t know how to be a woman.
Tess: That’s just fine with me. I never did take to sashayin’ and swoonin’.
"This is Texas, Son. We don’t kid about our land, or women. Or our livestock." Chance, explaining things to Sam
"Couldn’t you give ‘em nametags?" Sam, looking heavenward after calling a guy he’s supposed to know by the wrong name
Sam: Al, that raccoon can see you.
Al: Well, almost all animals can see me. But you know, there must be something weird-looking about me, because I seem to intimidate them.
Sam: Maybe it’s your clothes.
"Bonanza was never like this." Sam, learning much about life on a ranch
Sam: Fetch me a pan, wouldja?
[Buddy goes to get one.]
Sam (to himself): "Fetch." I’m talkin’ like them.
Sam: Thank you for trusting me.
Tess: I don’t trust you, Doc. I trust me.
Sam: It’s no sin bein’ afraid.
Tess: It is in Texas.
"If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'." Teresa's catchphrase
Sam: Whatever I was here to improve, it wasn't Frankie's looks.
Teresa: Who could I have? Everybody in Brooklyn knows you'll hit any man over fourteen who says hello to me.
Don Geno: Why don't I believe you?
Teresa: Why start now? You didn't believe me when I said we were through, either.
Al: Just sing the song, we'll go somewhere private, and these people won't see you talkin' to yourself like a lunatic.
Sam: Sing?
Al: Make a noise with your voice.
Sam: I can sing?
Al: Trust me.
Al: I'm sweatin' off pounds here I can't afford to lose.
[Sam gets Frankie's gun.]
Sam: What if I'm supposed to use this?
Al: Make sure you take the safety off.
"I had the sudden feeling that in sixty-five, men weren't having their hair styled by women. At least, not in South Brooklyn." Sam's thoughts as everyone in the salon looks at him when he enters.
"Maybe I'm here to start the unisex revolution." Sam, not even close to determining his goal for the leap
Al: My old man was Italian. From Abruzzi. Regular Hopalong Casadice.
Teresa: I didn't know you knew the stars.
Sam (after a brief pause): Neither did I.
Sam (thinking out loud about his current predicament): The trouble is, as soon as I put you two together, I'm out of here, and the old Geno is back, and you end up like Jimmy Hoffa.
Frankie (confused, but pleased): I'm in the Teamsters?
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