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Alias Quotes - Season Five

Sydney: Six years ago, when I walked into that CIA office, why was Vaughn assigned to my case?
Weiss: I don't know; he asked to be. You came in, you were all screwed up, you had that freaky red hair, he likes a challenge ...
Prophet Five

Marshall: He's not gonna find Sydney and Vaughn, not from what I gave him. I encrypted Vaughn's files, 4096-bit - it'll take him years. I mean, he's an ass. Deal with it.
Prophet Five

Sydney (pleasantly surprised): You're waltzing!
Vaughn: Yep. Been practicing for our wedding.
Sydney: With whom?
Vaughn: Weiss ...
Prophet Five

"You know, this party would be a lot more fun if we were naked." Some chick, flirting with Vaughn
Prophet Five

Sydney: I've always liked Owen.
Vaughn: Owen. Sounds like something you'd name a gerbil.
Prophet Five

Renee: How did you find me?
Sydney: I know everything.
Renee: Then you should have walked away.
Sydney: You don't know me very well.
Prophet Five

Renee: You're gonna want to step aside now.
Guard: Sexy. So I'm being threatened by a waif and a pregnant chick.
[Renee punches him and shoves him against the door.]
Renee: Is it sexy now?

Sydney: I understand why you're reluctant. You're number eight on the CIA's most wanted list, I get it. But you have to understand: these people killed my fiancé, the father of my child. I'm going to enlist every resource available to immobilize them, and if that means that this is the last time you and I see each other, that is fine by me. Just tell me how you want to do it.
Renee: Number eight?
Sydney: Yes.
Renee: I'm slipping. Used to be number six.

"Of course, the notion that anyone can ever actually be revived? Complete fiction. Believe me, I've tried." Marshall, with a slightly disturbing testimony about cryogenics

"I'll fake it. It's all sort of German-ish, right?" Grace, after revealing he doesn't speak Czech
The Shed

Casino Security: A pregnant woman using her own baby to escape suspicion? I don't know how you live with yourself.
Sydney: What can I say, sir? [Her tone changes to serious.] I'm not like other moms.

Grace: They're ready for us. We got to go.
Rachel: Do you want to come over here and do the advanced binomial calculus? Because I'd be more than happy to stand there and watch.

Jack: You seem to be enjoying your freedom.
Sloane: I was hoping to offer you more than prison food.
Jack: I must confess I'd grown rather fond of the shepherd's pie.
Out of the Box

Tom: Apparently, you can't get good beef jerky in Germany.
Marshall: Really? I always thought of Germany as the home of processed meats.
Out of the Box

[Jack watches Tom at the firing range.]
Jack: I think you got him.
Tom: My mother always said, if somebody was worth shootin' once, they're worth shootin' twice.
Jack: I'm sorry I never met her. She sounds like my kind of woman.
Out of the Box

"I call her Charlotte - for obvious reasons." Marshall, showing off his spider-like spy device
Out of the Box

Dixon (playing his part): I don't want the "most secure wing." I want the wing you reserve for people who will come looking for you in anything happens to their stuff.
Security Guy (confidently, after studying Dixon for a moment): Right this way.
Out of the Box

"We're kind of a weird family. We actually like each other." Rachel, as she watches her family from behind a two-way mirror

Marshall: Basically, you could lasso a missile that was headed for a military target, say, in the Middle East, and then redirect it to . . . Switzerland, you know? And then the Swiss call, and they're, like, "Hey, uh, we're neutral, remember?"
Jack: Thank you, Marshall. I think we all understand.

"Don't ever do that spinning kung fu crap. You'll get yourself killed." Tom, to Rachel

Tom: I fight dirty.
Rachel: "Dirty"?
Tom: Go for the eyes, the throat, the nuts--
Rachel: The nuts?!
Tom: --cause as much damage, inflict as much pain as humanly possible.
Rachel: I don't know if I can do that.
Tom: Well then, you shouldn't be here!

"That was better. I want to see more of that." Tom, after Rachel punches him for being a jerk

"Listen, I've had to do a little alias magic myself to save the day a few times . . . Do you know what a spork is?" Marshall, to Rachel as they watch Sydney

Tom: You okay?
Rachel: If by "okay" you mean "freaked and embarrassed," then yeah, I'm great.

Janos: I am Janos.
Rachel: Ra . . . Mandy.
Janos: Ray-mandy. A beautiful name.

Sydney (on comms): What's he doing?
Rachel: Eating dirt. I just hit him with a shovel.
Sydney: A shovel? Is he conscious?
Rachel: Yeah, I think so.
Sydney: Then hit him again.
Fait Accompli

Sydney: Have you ever actually built anything before?
Jack: Yes, in fact. I built your crib.
Sydney: Really.
Jack: Well, your mother and I did it together . . .
Fait Accompli

British Lady: Have you chosen a name? I myself have always been partial to Rupert. Such a distinguished name. A shame it's fallen out of favor. Wouldn't you agree, dear?
Sydney: Rupert. It's a classic.

Elizabeth: Unless she's wearing a very convincing disguise--
Jack: --I'm going to be a grandfather. A very young grandfather.

Sark (American accent): The conference that bad?
Rachel (British accent): No, it's just . . . you know . . . tough day. Sometimes at these work events I feel like I'm in over my head. I just started in a new division; it's a bit more responsibility. More risks.
Sark: Sounds like you need to rethink your perspective a little bit. Anything in life worth doing has an element of risk. It's what makes life interesting.

Rachel: There's this one woman; she's amazing and she's about to have a baby. I'm not sure I could manage work and a goldfish.
Sark: Well, aquariums are overrated. Remember that.

Sark: We're in the tropics, so how about some rum?
[He sees her with her clothes, about to leave.]
Sark: Okay, so . . . you hate rum.

Rachel: So, what happened?
Sark: I overestimated my friendship with Masari. He assumed I was betraying him, and he took the money, and he left.
Rachel: Oh. So then, he knows you pretty well.
[Sark nods an affirmative.]

[Rachel starts to cut a wire on the bomb.]
Sark: W-wait. If that's the wrong one--
Rachel: I thought you liked risks.
Sark: I also like my body . . . As I recall, you do, too.

"It's nice to see girl like you eating noodle. My granddaughter, she tell me, 'Too many carbs!'" A street vendor, to Peyton
The Horizon

Sydney: So this is where I'll be getting my epidural.
Doctor: Yes, it is, if you want one.
Sydney: I do. I'm- I'm not a big fan of pain.
The Horizon

Vaughn: We should think about more names for the baby.
Sydney: There will be plenty of time for that.
Vaughn: I know . . . What do you think about Oscar?
Sydney: What if we have a girl?
Vaughn (with a laugh): I meant for a girl.
The Horizon

Dr. Desantis: You can't do anything to me now. I'm quite prepared to die.
[Jack gives Renee the gun.]
Jack: See if he means it.
The Horizon

Peyton: You tracked me with the radio.
Sydney: Not really. You're just predictable.

[Dixon discreetly sets off the alarm.]
Marshall: Maybe they found out I've decoded the message! We should RUN!
Dixon (whispering): Take it down a notch, Hamlet.

Devlin: How's life underground treating you?
Jack: Good. Always . . . full of surprises.

Sydney: I can fend for myself.
Dixon: But you're not just fending for yourself. You're fending for two. And let's be honest, Syd . . . Right now, you waddle.
Sydney: I don't waddle.
Dixon: Oh yes, you do.
Sydney: I'll admit I may be a little less graceful, but I don't waddle.
Dixon: You're right. Actually it's more of a teeter...
Maternal Instinct

Irina: Look at us. About to become grandparents.
Jack: I'm doing my best to ignore that.
Maternal Instinct

Bank Manager: It's so sweet how your daughter wants to please you.
Jack: She's our pride and joy.
Bank Manager: I'm sure she'll be a wonderful parent to her own child.
Irina: Oh, thank you.
Bank Manager: She has two such lovely role models.
Maternal Instinct

Irina: If Peyton's here, she's here to kill me, too.
Jack: She's going to be very disappointed, because I'm about to beat her to it.
Maternal Instinct

"This really is no place for you, Grandpa. By the way, where's Sydney registered? I'd love to get her a gift for the baby." Peyton, to Jack
Maternal Instinct

Anna: Get out of my cell.
Peyton: If I'm interrupting your busy schedule of invasive interrogation, I do apologize.
There's Only One Sydney Bristow

Jack: You do not leave edged weapons within the reach of children.
Sydney: She's four weeks old, Dad.
Jack: Particularly young Bristow women.
Sydney: She can't even hold her head up. I think we're safe.
There's Only One Sydney Bristow

Rance: With your permission, Ma'am, we'd like to go through the house, baby-proof it from top to bottom. Socket protectors, safety latches, gates on stairs. Spread-spectrum RF protectors, perimeter sensors, explosive sniffers. All the usual stuff.
There's Only One Sydney Bristow

Sydney: How can you be marrying a girl I haven't even met yet?
Will: Well, you know, I think the Government-mandated isolation might have something to do with it.
There's Only One Sydney Bristow

Sydney: We were talking about what happened. We have to assume you were grabbed because someone was trying to hurt me.
Will: Well, yeah. I didn't think they wanted me for all the Lakers statistics I have in my head.
There's Only One Sydney Bristow

Dixon: What about the message?
Tom: You mean the one buried in a 500-year-old piece of paper? Are we taking that seriously?
Jack: We've seen too much not to.
30 Seconds

Peyton: It's been almost a week already, Mr. Sloane. So, when do you think we may see some results?
Sloane: This isn't a crossword puzzle, Miss Peyton. The key to Rambaldi's endgame is encoded within that manuscript, where it has remained hidden for the past five hundred years . . . I hardly think that a week is unreasonable.
I See Dead People

"The doctor says I don't need this anymore. I think it looks debonair." Vaughn, about the cane he's using
I See Dead People

"What was it you wanted? Clementine?" Vaughn, about naming the baby Isabelle
I See Dead People

Sloane: Why don't you understand, Nadia . . . Every sacrifice I've ever made has been for the greater good.
Nadia: Yet every sacrifice you've made has come at someone else's expense.
I See Dead People

Marshall: You know, I cried at your funeral.
Vaughn: Um, yeah, uh . . . sorry about that.
Marshall: No, no. Thank you. I need a good cry every now and again.
No Hard Feelings

Peyton: To the great Anna Espinosa.
Sydney (posing as Anna): "Great" seems a little strong, doesn't it?
No Hard Feelings

Sydney: Where are you?
Jack: Right now? In your kitchen, playing with Isabelle.
[Actually, he's just standing in front of the baby.]
Sydney: You are? How is she?
Jack: Happy.
[Isabelle coos.]
Sydney: Dad, did she just--
Jack: --giggle? Yeah. Apparently I'm funny.
No Hard Feelings

"You're shorter than I remember." Dixon, teasing Vaughn
No Hard Feelings

[Vaughn tells Dixon how Jack saved his life by faking his death.]
Vaughn: You know, it's funny. It's the first time I ever felt Jack accepted me.
Dixon: Or else he manufactured a very elaborate scheme to postpone your wedding to his daughter...
No Hard Feelings

"Fortunately, she looks more like her mother." Dixon, giving Vaughn a picture of Isabelle
No Hard Feelings

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. If you want my advice, I'd take Tokyo Rose in the third. It's a sure bet." Sark, either saying a code phrase or just making conversation
No Hard Feelings

"And yet, Anna, here you are, looking better than ever." Sark, insulting Anna and complimenting Sydney
No Hard Feelings

Jack: Do it quickly. I don't like the idea of Sydney being in a maximum security prison with Sark as her backup.
No Hard Feelings

Rachel: Can I help?
Tom: Yeah, just . . . keep an eye out for the guard.
[She watches him start to work on the car.]
Rachel: Is there any particular reason you're connecting the carburetor to the intake tube?
Tom: This is the carburetor?
Rachel: Yeah.
Tom: Maybe, uh, . . . I should keep an eye out for the guard . . .
No Hard Feelings

[Marshall offers some technical advice.]
Vaughn: You know what he's talking about?
Dixon: Fifty percent.
No Hard Feelings

Vaughn (to Isabelle): Gonna be just like your mom, aren't you.
Sydney: Oh, I hope not. I hope she's a . . . doctor, or a teacher, or just anything that does not involve wearing a wig.
No Hard Feelings

Tom: Why do I always get the assignments that involve hypothermia?
Jack (on comms): Because you're always late to briefings.

Sloane: Don't be difficult. Think about your son . . . Marshall, you're not cut out for this.
Marshall (glaring at Sloane): You know, I never liked you. I tolerated you because I had to. You know, because you were my superior. And I was afraid of you. I saw how twisted you were . . . But now I see you for who you really are. You are a weak, pathetic man. You know, you're right. I'm not cut out for this. But I am thinking about my son. I want Mitchell to look up to me, to be proud of his dad. Which is why, no matter what you do to me? I'll never help you.

Marshall: What's that, a garrote? You carry a garrote?
Rachel: It's an underwire. Sometimes it pays to be a girl.

Sloane: Don't tell me you're having second thoughts.
Sark: Of course not. It's just, it's not every day one gets to be part of . . . global genocide.
All the Time in the World

Vaughn: You think it's Sloane?
Sydney: Whatever he's up to, he said it was too late to be stopped.
Vaughn: He also said that he'd wipe out everyone at APO. He was wrong.
All the Time in the World

"Does it have to be so filthy? If Rambaldi can prophesy the future, he might advise me not to wear five hundred dollar shoes." Sark, entering the chamber in Mongolia
All the Time in the World

Nadia: Is it everything you imagined?
Sloane: Nadia. I'm so glad you're here. If I didn't have someone to share this with, I may have doubted my own eyes.
Nadia: You're talking to your dead daughter. This is an odd time to question your sanity.
All the Time in the World

Sark: You shot me!
Vaughn: Yeah, and I'll keep shooting you until you either give me the codes or bleed to death. Your choice.
All the Time in the World

Dixon: Who knows. Could be fun.
Sydney: That's what you say every time you show up on my doorstep. And the next thing you know, I'm jumping over canals in three-inch heels while Napalm explodes around me.
Dixon: Yes. That's how I define "fun."
All the Time in the World

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