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Alias Quotes - Season Four

[Vaughn and Syd go searching for the missing Jack, and break into Jack's apartment.]
Vaughn: This is where your dad lives, huh?
Sydney: What did you expect?
Vaughn: I don't know---a bunker or something?

"Architect": Perhaps you'd like a guided tour?
Sydney: That'll be nice...You, me---and your wife."
[Hefty wife enters.]

[Vaughn is trying to decrypt his "dad's" journal entries.]
Sydney: These the ones you can't find?
Vaughn: Yeah.
Sydney: Give me that pen. What if these aren't operation names?
Vaughn: What are you doing?
Sydney: Substitution cipher...
Vaughn: Okay...how'd you see that?
Sydney: My father used to encrypt my crossword puzzles when I was a kid. The least of my childhood dysfunctions. Try that...

Vaughn: You're late.
Roberts: Hardly. I been watching you for an hour.
Vaughn: Yeah? Am I your type?

Roberts: This is Mike.
Sabina: (Giving our sweet Vaughn a once-over) So---is he any good, or is he just eye candy?

[Syd and Vaughn are looking for the missing Jack.]
Vaughn: Syd, we'll find him.
Marshall: Okay, I got it...
[phone rings]
Sydney: Yeah, Marshall?
Marshall: We found his car...it's parked outside of a building on Pierpont!
Sydney (to Vaughn): Do you know where Pierpont is?
Vaughn: Yeah, five minutes out.
Sydney: Ohh, Marshall! Remind me to kiss you!
Marshall: Uhhh...okay....

Weiss: Vaughn... Vaughn! Bag's dead, man, you can give it up.
(Vaughn finally stops.)
Vaughn: Thanks for coming.
Weiss: Thanks for sweating.

Weiss: Was a little overkill, though. C'mon... burning your house down?
Vaughn: It wasn't a happy home.
Weiss: Yeah, but still... fire.
Vaughn: Yeah, well, you kill your wife after learning she's a vicious, homicidal double agent, and see how rational you are.
Weiss: I... I just want you to know that I'm there for you... You know... if you need to stay with me for a while... 'cause your house is... ashes...

Marshall: Hey...You as depressed as I am?
Weiss: Depressed about what?
Marshall: Depressed about what!? Take a look around here. This place is a ghost town; I don't even know anybody here anymore.
(An unknown CIA officer walks by and Marshall nods his head toward him to indicate, "See what I mean?" to Weiss.)
Marshall: Sydney is gone...Dixon...Jack, Vaughn. The only guy we have left is Sark and that's only because he's in custody. I hate that guy, I mean, really, kinda scares...although I did go visit him...twice...just to see a familiar face. We had eggs.
Weiss: Don't do that.

Marshall: Uh, it was for a mission, I swear! I just wanted to download some maps from MapQuest; I heard they were really good, of course, the CIA maps are much better...

Marshall: Uh, Syd... (Whispering) Sloane is here.
Sydney: We know.
Marshall: Okay.
(Marshall's face blooms into a huge smile and he leaps forward to hug Sydney. Laughing, he says)
Marshall: Syd! We're back!

Marshall: How cool is this!? Stealing a sword so we can find a bad guy...in order to catch an even bigger bad guy? Come on...come on, you'd have never let us do this back at the CI...you know, when you were double-breasted, serious (in robotic voice) Robot Dixon...
(Cut to Dixon. He is not amused)
Marshall: I mean...not that you were...authoritative...

Weiss: Hello.
Nadia: Hi.
Weiss: I'm Eric...Weiss. 38. Single...
Nadia: (grinning) Nadia.
Weiss: How are you?
Nadia: Good.
(Sydney approaches the door upon hearing Nadia's voice. Nadia looks past Eric at her.)
Nadia: Is this a bad time?
Sydney: Not at all. Nadia, this is Eric. He was just leaving...
Weiss: (protesting) No, no, no...I can stay.
(Sydney pointedly waves at Eric.)
Weiss: ...or go. Nice to meet you.

Marshall: Hungry... (Piles three slices of pizza on his plate and then looks up guiltily at Dixon) I'm...starving... What? You're taking three...
Dixon: These are for my kids.
Marshall: Well, these are for Mitchell...
Dixon: Your son is 14 months old...
Marshall: Is that...too young to have pizza?

Jack: It must have been lost in the mail.
Sydney: (in surprise) Your invitation?
Jack: Unless it was an e-vite. I don't read...e-vites.

Vaughn: Are you sure we can't use standard phones?
Marshall: Bishop is using at least four high-impedance jammers. To bore a hole through that kind of noise, Sydney would have to wear a generator the size of a baby hippopotamus. There's certainly no way to sneak around somebody's house with a baby hippopotamus strapped to your... back.
(Vaughn gets up and leaves the van.)
Marshall: Good luck!

(Pan to a bearded Caucasian man in his 30s, dressed in shorts, polo shirt and baseball cap wanders through the crowd mumbling to stray passerby)
Modell: My bird is missing.
Modell: My bird is missing.
Modell: My bird is missing.
Weiss: It's "I've lost my canary."

Jack: As you know, Mr. Modell failed to comply with any number of safety protocols we'd outlined and he was followed and killed before the exchange could be completed.
Weiss: Killed? He exploded like a frozen piñata.

Marshall: Based on some tests, we found the sample in this medical container. It was found in the van mixed with the...
Weiss: Chunks.
Marshall: Yeah. Chunks.

Marshall: It didn't really freeze him as much as freeze-dry him. It crystallized him in seconds.
Vaughn: So the mission was a bust.
Weiss: So to speak.

Vaughn: I'm not sleeping very well.
Jack: It's Lauren, isn't it?
Vaughn: I think I see her sometimes... or I thought I saw her... in the market in Algeria. That ever happen with you?
Jack: (sarcastic) Do I have visions of Lauren?
Vaughn: (also sarcastic) I don't know many people who killed the woman they were married to. I was just wondering if that's what happens.
Jack: (seriously) It did. Now it doesn't.

(Vaughn's alias is a priest)
Fenton: You should be nicer to your big brother. Isn't that what the Bible says?
Vaughn: What, I look like some kind of an expert?

Weiss: Guys...you don't have to analyze everything you do; you can just...decide to have fun. It's okay.
Sydney: (defensive) We're fun.
Weiss: (scoffing) Yeah, you guys are about as spontaneous as my grandparents...and they're dead.

Jack: Irina Derevko collected 19th century literature. There was a small bookstore in Prague that stocked rare first editions. Whenever I was in town, I'd buy one for her as a gift.
Marshall: Aww, that's sweet.
Jack: (looking up from the book) The KGB encoded assassination orders in these pages.
Marshall: Oh. Well that's...not as...sweet.

Phil: How'd he pop the question?
Sydney: (fumbling) He...took me to...
Vaughn: (cutting in) Santa Barbara, actually.
(He gives Sydney a half smile, which she returns. We can tell they are both thinking of the trip they were supposed to go on three years ago.)
Vaughn: I had this whole romantic weekend planned. Presidential Suite at the Biltmore, candlelit dinner on the cliffs overlooking the ocean... So we went into town, and she wouldn't stop talking about the zoo. So, we went to the zoo. Figured I'd get it over with. And then I saw how happy it made her. It made me forget about all my stupid plans. And here we had this personal chef making this unbelievable meal at the hotel, and... (Pauses) I proposed on one knee in sawdust in front of a giraffe with a crooked neck.

Phil: We thought we'd decide things with a good old-fashioned competition. The winning couple gets to move on in our program, oh, and a brand-new convertible...while the losing couple, well...dies.

Sydney: The story you told at the dealership...
(Vaughn nods. Sydney slides a hand down Vaughn's cheek and he leans in to drop a kiss on Syd's neck.)
Sydney: We were supposed to go to Santa Barbara three years ago...and we never made it.
(Vaughn shakes his head as if to say "No, but...")
Vaughn: (in soft, loving voice) Karen and Dave did.

Marshall: (reading inscription) Right here... (Ahem) "Laura, All my love forever and a day.... Jack."
(Jack has this constipated look on his face as if he really wishes he didn't have to be reminded yet again how gullible he once was.)
Marshall: That's...really sweet! I mean...that's a side of you I never really get to see, Mr. Bristow. I have to...have to say I like it.

Vaughn: You know, we have operational command of this aircraft. The pilot could take us anywhere we want...
Sydney: (playfully scolding) Our orders are to proceed with our extraction. If we were to divert this aircraft for our personal use, we would get into a lot of trouble.
Vaughn: Yes.
Sydney: (looking a bit disappointed) Yeah...
Vaughn: Wanna have dinner with me in Paris?
Sydney: (no hesitation at all) Absolutely.

Marshall: You mess with a friend of Flinkman? You're messin' with Flinkman.

Jack: In the next 24 hours, Sark should lead us to CRF headquarters. We'll put a tactical team on stand-by. For now, we wait.
Marshall: Who wants to order Chinese? I'm starving.
(Marshall continues to talk nervously as Jack and Vaughn give him identical stares.)
Marshall: Thai? Indian?

Weiss: You sure you did the insertion properly?
Marshall: Come on...it's me.

Marshall: ... Korcheff is storing the targeting system in a sub-basement of a disco tech that he owns called The Club Felice, which officially begs the questions what is it with these guys and night clubs?

Marshall: Hey, Mitchell learned a new word.
Vaughn: What was the word?
Marshall: Oosh not, its Mitchell's baby speak for beta particle.

Marshall: Ok, signature, plus a password, plus a little Finkman secret sauce. And, Nice. Bow before me and weep encryption gods.

Martinez: Who do you work for?
Sydney: You forgot to say the magic word.
Martinez: (nods his head and then pistol whips Syd in the head)
Sydney: Now you're gonna have to say pretty please.

Sloane: I'm not interested. Get in here.
Marshall: Okay, I'd be right in, thank you, Mr. Boss Man.

Sydney: Don't worry; I'm ready to get out of here. You have any idea how hard it is to maintain cover while dancing the salsa in three-inch heels?
Vaughn: Yes, actually, I do, but let's keep that between us.
Sydney: (Sniggering) You're doing the next intel swap, I don't care what the perimeters are.
Vaughn: Oh, nothing will make me happier. I love dancing.
Sydney: (Laughs) You hate to dance!
Vaughn: (A grin plastered on his face) How did you know?
Sydney: I've never seen you dance.
Vaughn: Well, I'm a mysterious man. A lot of things you don't know about me.
Sydney: You've never once taken me dancing.
Vaughn: Okay. Let's go dancing.
Sydney: Really?
Vaughn: Yeah, sure!
Sydney: (Laughing again) But you hate dancing!
Vaughn: And yet, I'm taking you. Like I said, I'm very mysterious.

Marshall: Okay. Okay, uh, senior? Turn here. Turn here, sir. Senior? AQUI! AQUI! SENOR! AQUI! AQUI! A LA DERECHA! A LA DERECHA!
(The driver turns sharply to the right.)
Marshall: I took a little Spanish in college.

Vaughn: Okay. Wait, I see her. Uh, eight rows north from where you are, three graves west.
Marshall: North, west. Okay, I'm on it.
Vaughn: Marshall, stop. Turn around. Your other north.

Marshall: Syd, this guy, he buried you alive.
Sydney: Yeah, but he cheated. He hit me with a car first.

Marshall: Hush... hush... hush little Mitchell, don't you cry. Daddy's here to teach you about Lanthanides. Cerium is first, yes it leads the way. Hexagonal structure and it's iron gray. Praseodymium is next and it looks like brass...

Marshall: I've got a spork.
Jack: What's a spork?
Marshall: It's like a half-spoon... half-fork, will that do?
Jack: That will work.

Marshall: I hate lying to her, Syd. Syd, I hate lying to Carrie.
Sydney: I know.
Marshall: It's part of the job though, right?
Sydney: Well, you could tell her the truth. That you had to cut out a man's eyes to save the world.
Marshall: Yeah, I could tell her that. Probably be best just to keep that between us. And I didn't save the world... exactly. Just Hong Kong.
Sydney: You saved me.
Marshall: Yeah... all in a day's work.

Sydney: What the hell are you thinking?
Sloane: I'm sure you mean that in the most polite way.

Marshall: Flinkman doesn't know the meaning of failure. One ugly puss, huh? Muy feo.

Marshall: Syd. . .there is no treatment. I mean I have been all over the medical journals, harassing researchers that I know- some that I don't know. If there was a treatment, I would have found it by now.

Vaughn: Well, you know, it's not too late. We can always have Weiss dress up as Irina. I'm sure he'd make a great housewife.

Vaughn: Syd, it's just a job. It's another alias like all the others. Just trust your training. Follow your dad's cues. Follow his leads. Besides, I've got snipers everywhere if he starts to get inappropriate.

Jack: What concerns me- I won't be back until next week. I'll miss Sydney's birthday again.
Sydney: That's okay. You'll explain it to her. She'll understand.
Jack: She's a child. She shouldn't need to understand her father isn't home to celebrate her birthday. Laura, the only memories I have of my father are of him leaving. I don't want it to be that way for her. She deserves better.
Sydney: (you can tell she's about to cry) The work you do is important.
Jack: Not as important as her. Or you. (pause) When I get back from Europe, I'm going to talk to my supervisors.
Sydney: What about?
Jack: I'm giving notice. Sorry. I should have discussed this with you before I made any decisions.
Sydney: No. That means more to me than you'll ever know. (she's about to cry as Jack kisses her hand)

Vaughn: This is something I need to ask Jack. If you were Sydney's father, I could ask you, but you're not.
Marshall: No, I'm not. I still don't understand what me not being Sydney's father has to do with you-
Vaughn: (pulls out the ring and shows it to Marshall) Understand now?
Marshall: Oh, my God. Hey, man. Congratulations. That's fantastic. I'm sure Mr. Bristow's gonna be thrilled.
Vaughn: Really? I'm just hoping he doesn't shoot him on the spot.

Vaughn: Well, conspiracy theories have already been posted on the web.
Weiss: Terrorist attack, military experiment gone wrong-
Marshall: Don't forget aliens. I mean, there's lots and lots of speculation about extraterrestrials.

Marshall: So, what you're saying is, a large red ball plus contaminated water equals a city full of homicidal maniacs. That was a sentence I never thought I'd say.

Vaughn: But what's the point? I mean, the weirdest terrorist attack of all time?
Jack: Their purpose remains a mystery. Perhaps Sevogda serves some strategic importance.
Weiss: I'd go with world domination, but that's always my go-to.

Sydney: (turns and sees Nisard) That's him. How do you wanna play this? You want to be rough, or do you want me to be rough?
Vaughn: You're always rough.
Sydney: No, I'm not.
Vaughn: Yes, you are.
Sydney: That's not true.
Vaughn: Yes, it is.
Sydney: Are you talking about at home or on ops?
Vaughn: Both. Hey, I'm not complaining.
Sydney: If I'm rough it's because you like it when I- Are we on comms?
Jack: (back at APO with Marshall) Yes, you're both on comms, right now.

Irina: Jack, I understand why you believed you had to kill me, but the truth is, if the situation had been reversed... I would have found another way.

Jack: I can't imagine this would give you any comfort, considering what you've been through, but. . .the truth is, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't regret what I did.

Irina: About my indiscretion with Sloane- I can hope you'll accept my apology.
Jack: Of all the things you've done, that's what you're going to apologize for?

Vaughn: I was gonna take you to the beach, Santa Barbara. We'd go out for a walk, maybe when the sun was setting. But now we're here, and I don't know what we're jumping into. And I may never get another chance to do this again. Sometimes I wake up before you do, and I watch you sleep. And I'm overwhelmed because. . .you're so amazing. And I don't know why I'm lucky enough to have you in my life, but you're here with me. (Sydney nods) And I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you trying to make you as happy as you make me.
Sydney: My God, Vaughn.
Vaughn: (he pulls out the ring box and opens it) Sydney Bristow, will you marry me? (she kisses him)
Sydney: We're gonna make it out of here.
Vaughn: Is that a yes? (they kiss again)
Sydney: Ask me on the beach.

Marshall: The Russians rely on the Milsat satellite network to vector the bombs, right? If I can hack into it, I can shut it down.
Weiss: And violate several thousand international laws? (whoohoo let's go for it)
Marshall: We're talking about the end of the world. I'm not worried about a tribunal.
Weiss: That's a good point.

Weiss: We've managed harder. Come on, there's got to be a way. What would Jack do in this situation? Jack is the king of this sort of thing.
Marshall: Well, first he'd probably glower a bit, right? And then he'd probably blackmail or torture somebody. Right? (he gets that lightbulb facial expression) You're a genius. You, Eric Weiss are a genius

Irina: You shouldn't wait.
Vaughn: For what?
Irina: I saw the ring.
Vaughn: Yeah, you know what? You killed my father. The way I see it, I don't have to ask for your blessings.
Irina: Despite that, you may have them. Along with some advice.
Vaughn: Marital advice from you. Wondeful. Like what, don't betray your spouse?
Irina: Yeah, that'd be one of them.

(APO Weiss and Marshall on the phone. Speaking Russian, badly.)
Weiss: May I speak to Deputy Minister Karkov?
Voice: Please hold.
Karkov: This is Minister Karkov. To whom am I speaking.
Weiss: Careful. Be listening. We are needing your code of Milsat network.
Karkov: Whoever this is your Russian is awful.
Marshall: (covers phone) (In English, half to Weiss, half to himself, half to Karkov) I wrote this program in five minutes, you perv.

Vaughn: Syd!
Sydney: Did I forget something?
Vaughn: Yeah, me- I'm coming with you.
Sydney: Did my dad change the plans?
Vaughn: No, I did. I'm joining you on the roof.
Sydney: It's a one-person job. My mom will relay up the wiring instructions. I can disarm the device myself.
Vaughn: You can't outrun the wall of water that thing's gonna turn into.
Sydney: How are you going to help me?
Vaughn: We'll figure something out. You'll run faster if I'm chasing you.
Sydney: I'll be fine. And they need you in the bunker. If we don't get Elena. . .
Vaughn: Syd.
Sydney: Don't say it. I'll see you in a few minutes.
Vaughn: Okay
Sydney: (starts walking away, but turns back) Just in case, yes.
Vaughn: yeah?
Sydney: (close to tears) Yeah, I want to marry you.
(They kiss. Vaughn pulls out the ring. Sydney takes it and puts it on.)
Sydney: It's perfect. So are you. (They kiss again)

Weiss: Don't blame yourself. This satellite network was designed to withstand World War III. I just got off the phone with my buddy in the secret service. They've initiated the "continuity of government" protocol. The president, his cabinet, their family members-all being evacuated to underground command centers. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've kidded myself, but I thought maybe I'd be on the list.
Marshall: Yeah. It's kind of like high school all over again. The cool kids are having a party, and I'm not invited.

Irina: (To Elena) Hello, sis. Ever since you were 11, there's something I wanted to do. (PUNCH! Elena falls to the ground.)

Irina: (smirks) I'm not gonna torture you. I'm gonna let him do it. (she jerks her head at Jack) And he really doesn't care for you. Especially after you tricked him into killing me. (Jack moves around, getting equipment) One thing you should know about Jack, he hates being anybody's puppet.
Jack: I'm actually hoping, you don't tell us what we need to know. There's a 50/50 chance Sydney cuts the right wire. I'm willing to take those odds... if it means I can stand here and watch you turn into an animal.
Elena: (shakes her head, worriedly, it looks like) You're not a gambling man, Jack.
Jack: I didn't used to be, but it's been a rather interesting year for me. It's made me re-evaluate certain parts of my life. I'm trying to have more fun these days.
Elena: Wait! How do I know you won't inject me anyway?
Jack: You don't.

Irina: 3 years ago, when I told you, you were the Chosen One, that only you could take down the greatest evil, I know your mind must have been overwhelmed with confusion. But tonight, you recognize that you've done just that. I'm so proud of you. (She kisses Sydney's forehead)
Sydney: Thank you.
Irina: Sydney. You may not see me on your wedding day, but I'll see you.


Acknowledgments

Thanks to Janet C for the first six quotes and to Kim for the others!


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