Quotes Poll Results, Season One
Vaughn: Are you romantically interested in anyone?
[Sydney gives him a look.]
Vaughn: Could be a question.
Sydney: No, I'm not.
[The lie detector indicates a lie.]
Time Will Tell
Received 53.1% of 194 votes
Haladki: You're too emotionally attached to that woman!
Vaughn: Oh, like you would know anything about being emotionally attached to a woman!
Haladki: I think your judgement's impaired!
Vaughn: I think I'm gonna kick your ass!
The Box (Part 1)
Received 43.5% of 124 votes
Sydney: Did you study bomb defusion at Langley?
Vaughn: Just seminars, though. Nothing field-specific.
Sydney: Does anyone ever learn anything in seminars?
Vaughn: Let's just take this one step at a time. This is a charge of C-4. I can tell, 'cause it says "C-4" everywhere.
The Box (part 2)
Received 34.5% of 116 votes
Sydney: You didn't think about it. Not once. The possibility that Rambaldi could be right about me.
Vaughn: No. I didn't.
Sydney: Why not?
Vaughn: Because I believe in you. Do you think I'd throw just anyone in my trunk?
Q & A
Received 33.9% of 118 votes
Man: Who are you working for? I'll not ask you again.
Sydney: Okay. Get a pen. ... Write this down. E-M-E-T-I-B. You got that?
Sydney: Okay. Now reverse it.
Truth Be Told
Received 30.4% of 148 votes
Vaughn: I was in this store, you know, um... this little antique place.
Sydney: What were you doing in an antique store?
Vaughn: I don't know. ... Whatever. Um, look, if you don't like it just... don't tell me.
Received 26.1% of 138 votes
Sydney: It took me a second to realize what you were doing.
Jack: I was blinking as fast as I could.
Sydney: I know. I was like, "Hard on your light"?
Jack: Guard on your right.
Sydney: Well, I figured it out. I was just never very good at Morse code.
Received 26.1% of 138 votes
Will: One in five, you little bitch! ONE IN FIVE!
Almost Thirty Years
Received 22.4% of 125 votes
Francie: "Dear Aunt Stephanie. Unfortunately, as my mother has informed you, the wedding is off so I am returning your kind gift of a coffee maker because, as it turns out, the man to whom I was engaged is a deceitful, two-faced, sex-crazed jackass. All my love, Francie."
Sydney: It's not too harsh.
Received 22.3% of 130 votes
Sydney: You said you wanted to talk about the plan. I'm giving you the plan.
Vaughn: It's not your job to give me the plan. I'm giving you the plan. Tomorrow's your first day back at SD-6. Now, nothing should change. When you get your assignment, you'll detail your mission on a paper bag. [He shows her one] Bag. Then you'll call this number. Memorize it. After three tones, press the appropriate digit -- one through six. Each corresponds to a trash can in a specific location. Now we'll review your information, create a countermission, and we'll contact you posing as a wrong number. Joey's Pizza. Any questions, so far?
Sydney: Yeah. Can you show me what a bag looks like again?
So It Begins
Received 21.6% of 148 votes
See how this site's visitors ranked ninety quotes from Season One!
Quotes Poll Results, Season Two
Weiss: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Vaughn: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Caplan.
Weiss: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.
Received 50% of 44 votes
Sydney: Did you close your eyes at all?
Vaughn: On and off. You talk in your sleep.
Sydney: No! What did I say?
Vaughn: "Don't frost the pie!" It seemed really important.
Received 46.4% of 140 votes
Vaughn (on the phone): Uh, can it wait?
Weiss: Apparently not. He wants Sydney, too. Are you with her?
Vaughn: Uh, no, I haven't seen her.
Weiss: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Vaughn: I'm trying.
Received 43.4% of 53 votes
Weiss: There's no way that guy smells as good as you.
Vaughn: It's aftershave. I got a new aftershave.
Weiss: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it.
Weiss: Oh, yeah. To the point of non-use.
Received 38.2% of 55 votes
Vaughn: This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.
Received 29.8% of 84 votes
Sloane: Marshall Flinkman, technical operations officer.
Marshall (to Sark): Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me.
Received 28.6% of 84 votes
Sydney: I love the zamboni.
Vaughn: Zamboni's your favorite part?
Sydney: No. Coming home with you after the game is my favorite part. . . . Zamboni was a close second.
Received 28.3% of 53 votes
Irina: Tell me, Sydney . . . Who sent you here? You must tell me.
Sydney: Or what? I'm grounded?
The Enemy Walks In
Received 24.5% of 159 votes
Sark: The new boss has a dreadful personality, don't you think?
Sydney: I've seen worse.
Sark: Am I supposed to take that personally?
Received 23.6% of 55 votes
Kane: With whom have you had intimate contact over the past ten years, Agent Bristow?
Jack: I'm curious to know where you're going with this.
Kane: More secrets have been revealed through pillow talk than through torture. If there's a prostitute or a stewardess out there you think may have heard you talking in your sleep, I need to know about it.
Jack: There is one way for you to verify if my nocturnal activities are a security risk, Ms. Kane, but somehow I think we'd both prefer the torture.
Received 22.9% of 83 votes
Marshall (to Sydney): Hi. My name is Marshall J. Flinkman, and I'm here to rescue you!
A Higher Echelon
Received 22.9% of 83 votes
Sydney: My math skills may be above average, but I can't do advanced calculus in my head.
Sloane: That's why you're going in with Marshall.
Marshall: Marshall who?
Received 21.7% of 60 votes
Weiss: You, uh, you like Italian food?
Phillips: I have a boyfriend.
Weiss: Yeah, me too.
Received 20.8% of 72 votes
Vaughn: How come you never call me Michael?
Sydney: I do sometimes. Vaughn?
A Free Agent
Received 20.8% of 72 votes
See how this site's visitors ranked ninety quotes from Season Two!
Quotes Poll Results, Season Three
[Syd looks at the lipstick tracking device.]
Sydney: You know, peach isn't really in this season.
Vaughn: I heard peach was the new green.
Sydney: I thought beige was the new green.
Vaughn: No, beige is the new peach.
A Missing Link
Received 38.3% of 47 votes
Sydney: Vaughn, why are you doing this? My life is already a disaster . . . now yours is, too.
Vaughn: What happened between us - everything. The way it is . . . isn't anyone's fault, Sydney. And even though everything's changed, some things don't. I'm not gonna lose you twice.
Received 36.7% of 30 votes
Sydney: You want to know how I am!? I am horrible! Vaughn, I am ripped apart! And not because I lost you... but because if it had been me, I would have waited. I would have found the truth. I wouldn't have given up on you. And now I realize... what an absolute waste that would have been!
Received 33.3% of 27 votes
Lindsey: If you're finished, this is the men's room.
Sydney: Who let you in?
Received 26% of 27 votes
Marshall: Excuse me - hello? Hi, uh... Sydney? I'm Marshall Flinkman. I work here. Tech design and, uh, operations here?
Sydney: Marshall. Of course I know who you are.
Marshall: Oh my God. Sydney, it's so amazing to see you, I can't even really relate. Actually, I, uh, wrote a poem...uh, um...
[He clears his throat.]
Marshall: "I've lost my keys. Where are they?"
Received 24.3% of 37 votes
Sydney: The last thing I want is to be responsible for driving a wedge between Vaughn and Lauren.
Jack: That is a concern I do not share.
A Missing Link
Received 23.4% of 47 votes
Doctor: Ms. Bristow, we know you know how to read this code. Do you recognize your handwriting?
Sydney (panting from being tortured): No . . . I . . . draw little . . . hearts over my I's. Smiley faces, sometimes.
Received 23.3% of 30 votes
Jack: You can do better?
Marshall: Me? Please. I, uh, there's a lot of things I can't do in life, you know, um... smoking a cigarette, uh, playing basketball, I never... Oh, chin ups. I could never, uh, you know. There were always... kids laughing at me... but this? I was born for this.
Received 22.2% of 27 votes
Weiss: This is why people from the CIA should not get married to people from the NSC, man. Don't poop where you sleep.
Received 21.2% of 33 votes
[ More Season Three Quotes ]
Quotes, Season Four
Marshall: Sydney is gone...Dixon...Jack, Vaughn. The only guy we have left is Sark and that's only because he's in custody. I hate that guy, I mean, really, kinda scares...although I did go visit him...twice...just to see a familiar face. We had eggs.
Weiss: Don't do that.
Jack: It must have been lost in the mail.
Sydney: Your invitation?
Jack: Unless it was an e-vite. I don't read...e-vites.
Vaughn: I'm not sleeping very well.
Jack: It's Lauren, isn't it?
Vaughn: I think I see her sometimes... or I thought I saw her... in the market in Algeria. That ever happen with you?
Jack: Do I have visions of Lauren?
Vaughn: I don't know many people who killed the woman they were married to. I was just wondering if that's what happens.
Jack: It did. Now it doesn't.
Jack: Irina Derevko collected 19th century literature. There was a small bookstore in Prague that stocked rare first editions. Whenever I was in town, I'd buy one for her as a gift.
Marshall: Aww, that's sweet.
Jack: The KGB encoded assassination orders in these pages.
Marshall: Oh. Well that's...not as...sweet.
Vaughn: Okay. Wait, I see her. Uh, eight rows north from where you are, three graves west.
Marshall: North, west. Okay, I'm on it.
Vaughn: Marshall, stop. Turn around. Your other north.
Marshall: I've got a spork.
Jack: What's a spork?
Sydney: What the hell are you thinking?
Sloane: I'm sure you mean that in the most polite way.
[ More Season Four Quotes ]
Quotes, Season Five
Sydney: Six years ago, when I walked into that CIA office, why was Vaughn assigned to my case?
Weiss: I don't know; he asked to be. You came in, you were all screwed up, you had that freaky red hair, he likes a challenge ...
Marshall: He's not gonna find Sydney and Vaughn, not from what I gave him. I encrypted Vaughn's files, 4096-bit - it'll take him years. I mean, he's an ass. Deal with it.
Sydney: I've always liked Owen.
Vaughn: Owen. Sounds like something you'd name a gerbil.
Renee: How did you find me?
Sydney: I know everything.
Renee: Then you should have walked away.
Sydney: You don't know me very well.
Renee: You're gonna want to step aside now.
Guard: Sexy. So I'm being threatened by a waif and a pregnant chick.
[Renee punches him and shoves him against the door.]
Renee: Is it sexy now?
Sydney: I understand why you're reluctant. You're number eight on the CIA's most wanted list, I get it. But you have to understand: these people killed my fiancé, the father of my child. I'm going to enlist every resource available to immobilize them, and if that means that this is the last time you and I see each other, that is fine by me. Just tell me how you want to do it.
Renee: Number eight?
Renee: I'm slipping. Used to be number six.
Jack: You seem to be enjoying your freedom.
Sloane: I was hoping to offer you more than prison food.
Jack: I must confess I'd grown rather fond of the shepherd's pie.
Out of the Box
[Jack watches Tom at the firing range.]
Jack: I think you got him.
Tom: My mother always said, if somebody was worth shootin' once, they're worth shootin' twice.
Jack: I'm sorry I never met her. She sounds like my kind of woman.
Out of the Box
Marshall: Basically, you could lasso a missile that was headed for a military target, say, in the Middle East, and then redirect it to . . . Switzerland, you know? And then the Swiss call, and they're, like, "Hey, uh, we're neutral, remember?"
Jack: Thank you, Marshall. I think we all understand.
Tom: You okay?
Rachel: If by "okay" you mean "freaked and embarrassed," then yeah, I'm great.
Sydney (on comms): What's he doing?
Rachel: Eating dirt. I just hit him with a shovel.
Sydney: A shovel? Is he conscious?
Rachel: Yeah, I think so.
Sydney: Then hit him again.
Elizabeth: Unless she's wearing a very convincing disguise--
Jack: --I'm going to be a grandfather. A very young grandfather.
Rachel: There's this one woman; she's amazing and she's about to have a baby. I'm not sure I could manage work and a goldfish.
Sark: Well, aquariums are overrated. Remember that.
Sydney: So this is where I'll be getting my epidural.
Doctor: Yes, it is, if you want one.
Sydney: I do. I'm- I'm not a big fan of pain.
[Dixon discreetly sets off the alarm, so that Marshall can create a diversion.]
Marshall: Maybe they found out I've decoded the message! We should RUN!
Dixon (whispering): Take it down a notch, Hamlet.
Jack: You do not leave edged weapons within the reach of children.
Sydney: She's four weeks old, Dad.
Jack: Particularly young Bristow women!
[ More Season Five Quotes ]
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