Quotes Poll Results, Season One

Vaughn: Are you romantically interested in anyone?
[Sydney gives him a look.]
Vaughn: Could be a question.
Sydney: No, I'm not.
[The lie detector indicates a lie.]
Vaughn: Interesting.
Time Will Tell
Received 53.1% of 194 votes

Haladki: You're too emotionally attached to that woman!
Vaughn: Oh, like you would know anything about being emotionally attached to a woman!
Haladki: I think your judgement's impaired!
Vaughn: I think I'm gonna kick your ass!
The Box (Part 1)
Received 43.5% of 124 votes

Sydney: Did you study bomb defusion at Langley?
Vaughn: Just seminars, though. Nothing field-specific.
Sydney: Does anyone ever learn anything in seminars?
Vaughn: Let's just take this one step at a time. This is a charge of C-4. I can tell, 'cause it says "C-4" everywhere.
The Box (part 2)
Received 34.5% of 116 votes

Sydney: You didn't think about it. Not once. The possibility that Rambaldi could be right about me.
Vaughn: No. I didn't.
Sydney: Why not?
Vaughn: Because I believe in you. Do you think I'd throw just anyone in my trunk?
Q & A
Received 33.9% of 118 votes

Man: Who are you working for? I'll not ask you again.
Sydney: Okay. Get a pen. ... Write this down. E-M-E-T-I-B. You got that?
Man: Yes.
Sydney: Okay. Now reverse it.
Truth Be Told
Received 30.4% of 148 votes

Vaughn: I was in this store, you know, um... this little antique place.
Sydney: What were you doing in an antique store?
Vaughn: I don't know. ... Whatever. Um, look, if you don't like it just... don't tell me.
Spirit
Received 26.1% of 138 votes

Sydney: It took me a second to realize what you were doing.
Jack: I was blinking as fast as I could.
Sydney: I know. I was like, "Hard on your light"?
Jack: Guard on your right.
Sydney: Well, I figured it out. I was just never very good at Morse code.
The Confession
Received 26.1% of 138 votes

Will: One in five, you little bitch! ONE IN FIVE!
Almost Thirty Years
Received 22.4% of 125 votes

Francie: "Dear Aunt Stephanie. Unfortunately, as my mother has informed you, the wedding is off so I am returning your kind gift of a coffee maker because, as it turns out, the man to whom I was engaged is a deceitful, two-faced, sex-crazed jackass. All my love, Francie."
Sydney: It's not too harsh.
Page 47
Received 22.3% of 130 votes

Sydney: You said you wanted to talk about the plan. I'm giving you the plan.
Vaughn: It's not your job to give me the plan. I'm giving you the plan. Tomorrow's your first day back at SD-6. Now, nothing should change. When you get your assignment, you'll detail your mission on a paper bag. [He shows her one] Bag. Then you'll call this number. Memorize it. After three tones, press the appropriate digit -- one through six. Each corresponds to a trash can in a specific location. Now we'll review your information, create a countermission, and we'll contact you posing as a wrong number. Joey's Pizza. Any questions, so far?
Sydney: Yeah. Can you show me what a bag looks like again?
So It Begins
Received 21.6% of 148 votes

See how this site's visitors ranked ninety quotes from Season One!

Quotes Poll Results, Season Two

Weiss: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Vaughn: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Caplan.
Weiss: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.
Endgame
Received 50% of 44 votes

Sydney: Did you close your eyes at all?
Vaughn: On and off. You talk in your sleep.
Sydney: No! What did I say?
Vaughn: "Don't frost the pie!" It seemed really important.
Salvation
Received 46.4% of 140 votes

Vaughn (on the phone): Uh, can it wait?
Weiss: Apparently not. He wants Sydney, too. Are you with her?
Vaughn: Uh, no, I haven't seen her.
Weiss: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Vaughn: I'm trying.
Firebomb
Received 43.4% of 53 votes

Weiss: There's no way that guy smells as good as you.
Vaughn: It's aftershave. I got a new aftershave.
Weiss: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it.
Vaughn: Yeah?
Weiss: Oh, yeah. To the point of non-use.
Phase One
Received 38.2% of 55 votes

Vaughn: This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.
Passage (1)
Received 29.8% of 84 votes

Sloane: Marshall Flinkman, technical operations officer.
Marshall (to Sark): Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me.
Passage (1)
Received 28.6% of 84 votes

Sydney: I love the zamboni.
Vaughn: Zamboni's your favorite part?
Sydney: No. Coming home with you after the game is my favorite part. . . . Zamboni was a close second.
Firebomb
Received 28.3% of 53 votes

Irina: Tell me, Sydney . . . Who sent you here? You must tell me.
Sydney: Or what? I'm grounded?
The Enemy Walks In
Received 24.5% of 159 votes

Sark: The new boss has a dreadful personality, don't you think?
Sydney: I've seen worse.
Sark: Am I supposed to take that personally?
Phase One
Received 23.6% of 55 votes

Kane: With whom have you had intimate contact over the past ten years, Agent Bristow?
Jack: I'm curious to know where you're going with this.
Kane: More secrets have been revealed through pillow talk than through torture. If there's a prostitute or a stewardess out there you think may have heard you talking in your sleep, I need to know about it.
Jack: There is one way for you to verify if my nocturnal activities are a security risk, Ms. Kane, but somehow I think we'd both prefer the torture.
The Abduction
Received 22.9% of 83 votes

Marshall (to Sydney): Hi. My name is Marshall J. Flinkman, and I'm here to rescue you!
A Higher Echelon
Received 22.9% of 83 votes

Sydney: My math skills may be above average, but I can't do advanced calculus in my head.
Sloane: That's why you're going in with Marshall.
Marshall: Marshall who?
The Abduction
Received 21.7% of 60 votes

Weiss: You, uh, you like Italian food?
Phillips: I have a boyfriend.
Weiss: Yeah, me too.
Double Agent
Received 20.8% of 72 votes

Sydney: Vaughn?
Vaughn: How come you never call me Michael?
Sydney: I do sometimes. Vaughn?
A Free Agent
Received 20.8% of 72 votes

See how this site's visitors ranked ninety quotes from Season Two!

Quotes Poll Results, Season Three

[Syd looks at the lipstick tracking device.]
Sydney: You know, peach isn’t really in this season.
Vaughn: I heard peach was the new green.
Sydney: I thought beige was the new green.
Vaughn: No, beige is the new peach.
A Missing Link
Received 38.3% of 47 votes

Sydney: You want to know how I am!? I am horrible! Vaughn, I am ripped apart! And not because I lost you... but because if it had been me, I would have waited. I would have found the truth. I wouldn't have given up on you. And now I realize... what an absolute waste that would have been!
The Two
Received 33.3% of 27 votes

Lindsay: If you're finished, this is the men's room.
Sydney: Who let you in?
Succession
Received 26% of 27 votes

Marshall: Excuse me - hello? Hi, uh... Sydney? I'm Marshall Flinkman. I work here. Tech design and, uh, operations here?
Sydney: Marshall. Of course I know who you are.
Marshall: Oh my God. Sydney, it's so amazing to see you, I can't even really relate. Actually, I, uh, wrote a poem...uh, um...
[He clears his throat.]
Marshall: "I've lost my keys. Where are they?"
The Two
Received 24.3% of 37 votes

Sydney: The last thing I want is to be responsible for driving a wedge between Vaughn and Lauren.
Jack: That is a concern I do not share.
A Missing Link
Received 23.4% of 47 votes

Jack: You can do better?
Marshall: Me? Please. I, uh, there’s a lot of things I can’t do in life, you know, um... smoking a cigarette, uh, playing basketball, I never... Oh, chin ups. I could never, uh, you know. There were always... kids laughing at me... but this? I was born for this.
Reunion
Received 22.2% of 27 votes

Jack: Vaughn what?
Sydney: He got married.
Jack: Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you.
The Two
Received 19% of 37 votes

Dixon: I know you have a million questions, but--
Sydney: I have a lot more than a million questions! I wish I *only* had a million questions!
The Two
Received 13.5% of 37 votes

Lindsay: Perhaps if you'd listen to what I'm suggesting - certainly not that we throw Ms. Bristow back in the field...
Dixon: Look, I've experienced trauma myself. Returning to the field prematurely is as bad as not being trained at all!
Sydney: Okay, excuse me, but I am standing right here!
The Two
Received 10.8% of 37 votes

Marshall: Okay, if I were any more nervous, I’d need new underpants right about now.
Repercussions
Received 10.6% of 47 votes

Sydney: You look great. You lost weight?
Weiss: Oh, thanks, yeah. I sorta gave up all the foods that I enjoy.
The Two
Received 8.1% of 37 votes

Contact (with a thick French accent): Forgive me if I look shocking to you, but I was believing that you were dead.
Sydney: I was. But now I'm not.
Contact: This is why I love our business.
The Two
Received 8.1% of 37 votes

Sydney: Francie's been dead for two years, but I feel like I saw her a few days ago. And now that Will is in witness protection, I can't even contact him. All my friends are just... gone.
Weiss: Not all your friends...
Succession
Received 7.4% of 27 votes

Sydney: He said they were planning to modify the virus.
Vaughn: Why is that?
Jack: We can assume what they’ve stolen is merely a precursor agent requiring further synthesis.
Weiss: Okay, does everyone here speak Science?
A Missing Link
Received 6.4% of 47 votes

Sydney: Okay, just so someone has said it. In the past two years, Sloane has obtained a pardon based mainly on the capture of a criminal who is now free. In addition, Sloane will be allowed to openly participate in Covenant activities, based on the promise that he will inform us of those activities. One could argue that he’s just pulled off the con job of the century.
Lauren: It also appears that Bomani will kill Sloane if we interfere with his plans.
Sydney: And who here would lose sleep over that?
Repercussions
Received 6.4% of 47 votes

Sloane: Sydney, do you believe in redemption?
Sydney: Not for you, no.
The Two
Received 5.4% of 37 votes

Sydney: I have the plans for the drone. If you want them back, get the NSC to release my father immediately.
Lindsay: Excuse me! I won't be blackmailed by a fugitive! Did you really think you could come in here and threaten me!?
Sydney: Yeah.
The Two
Received 5.4% of 37 votes

[Lindsey agrees to write the pardon for Jack.]
Sydney: B-R-I-S-T-O-W.
Lindsay: I know how to spell your name!
The Two
Received 5.4% of 37 votes

Jack: I need it by noon, tomorrow.
Computer Guy: I have an IQ of 170, Jack. I’m not David Copperfield.
[Jack gives a serious look.]
Computer Guy: I’ll do what I can.
Reunion
Received 4.3% of 47 votes

Vaughn: I’m losing the signal!
Weiss: I’m aiming the mic right at her.
Vaughn: I should have worn the ring…
Weiss: Get over yourself, okay? No one aims the mic like I do.
A Missing Link
Received 4.3% of 47 votes

Jack: I tried shutting down his inquiry, but apparently something you said has made that impossible.
Sydney: All I said was that I couldn’t talk about it.
Jack: Which, of course, has only piqued his interest.
Sydney: What piqued his interest was hearing Simon Walker call me Julia and then kiss me like his prom date!
A Missing Link
Received 4.3% of 47 votes

Jack: You don't really expect me to believe that you've changed.
Sloane: I expect you to believe in the consistency of my obsessions. Jack, I pursued the Rambaldi puzzle across the world for over 30 years. It never occurred to me that when the artifacts were finally assembled, that they would produce nothing more than a message...of peace.
Jack: Personally, I would have found it anticlimactic that after expecting to assemble a weapon of ultimate power, you ended up with a revelation you could have acquired from a fortune cookie.
Succession
Received 3.7% of 27 votes

Sark: Dear God, it can't possibly be you.
Sydney: Don't start this conversation by acting surprised that I'm alive.
Sark: Sydney, you know how highly I regard your abilities as an operative, but... even I didn't think you were capable of cheating death once your remains had been identified.
Succession
Received 3.7% of 27 votes

Weiss: You know what it is? What Medusa even means?
Sydney: No, all I know is the myth: a woman so ugly that if you looked at her, you’d turn to stone.
Weiss: Sounds like the myth of my college girlfriend. She actually dumped me for a roadie at a Duran Duran concert. How embarrassing is that?
Reunion
Received 3.7% of 27 votes

Walker: Where in the bloody hell have you been?
Sydney: Isn’t *that* the question of the day?
A Missing Link
Received 2.1% of 47 votes

Sydney: I don't know how you convinced the CIA that you're trustworthy.
Sloane: Why don't you check my files?
Sydney: I know you too well.
The Two
Received 0% of 37 votes

Weiss: Why does moving heavy objects automatically mean ... uh ... that I need one of those beers? Chop, chop!
Sydney: Maybe because you're a slave to advertising.
Succession
Received 0% of 27 votes

Jack: Bob Lindsay has the White House spin machine ready to cover him when his actions prove ill-advised. He's nearly untouchable.
Sydney: I'd love to prove that wrong.
Succession
Received 0% of 27 votes

Sanko: On the other hand, it does seem that you owe me.
Sark: And what would that price be?
Sanko: Eight hundred million dollars.
Sark: Eight hundred million dollars? I have nowhere near that amount in my nest egg.
Succession
Received 0% of 27 votes

Lauren: I thought it best if the request came from you.
Sydney: I know we’re being blunt ... but was that a threat?
Repercussions
Received 0% of 47 votes

[ More Season Three Quotes ]

Quotes, Season Four

Marshall: Sydney is gone...Dixon...Jack, Vaughn. The only guy we have left is Sark and that's only because he's in custody. I hate that guy, I mean, really, kinda scares...although I did go visit him...twice...just to see a familiar face. We had eggs.
Weiss: Don't do that.

Jack: It must have been lost in the mail.
Sydney: Your invitation?
Jack: Unless it was an e-vite. I don't read...e-vites.

Vaughn: I'm not sleeping very well.
Jack: It's Lauren, isn't it?
Vaughn: I think I see her sometimes…or I thought I saw her…in the market in Algeria. That ever happen with you?
Jack: Do I have visions of Lauren?
Vaughn: I don't know many people who killed the woman they were married to. I was just wondering if that's what happens.
Jack: It did. Now it doesn't.

Jack: Irina Derevko collected 19th century literature. There was a small bookstore in Prague that stocked rare first editions. Whenever I was in town, I'd buy one for her as a gift.
Marshall: Aww, that's sweet.
Jack: The KGB encoded assassination orders in these pages.
Marshall: Oh. Well that's...not as...sweet.

Vaughn: Okay. Wait, I see her. Uh, eight rows north from where you are, three graves west.
Marshall: North, west. Okay, I’m on it.
Vaughn: Marshall, stop. Turn around. Your other north.

Marshall: I’ve got a spork.
Jack: What’s a spork?

Sydney: What the hell are you thinking?
Sloane: I’m sure you mean that in the most polite way.

[ More Season Four Quotes ]

Quotes, Season Five

Sydney: Six years ago, when I walked into that CIA office, why was Vaughn assigned to my case?
Weiss: I don't know; he asked to be. You came in, you were all screwed up, you had that freaky red hair, he likes a challenge ...
Prophet Five

Marshall: He's not gonna find Sydney and Vaughn, not from what I gave him. I encrypted Vaughn's files, 4096-bit - it'll take him years. I mean, he's an ass. Deal with it.
Prophet Five

Sydney: I've always liked Owen.
Vaughn: Owen. Sounds like something you'd name a gerbil.
Prophet Five

Renee: How did you find me?
Sydney: I know everything.
Renee: Then you should have walked away.
Sydney: You don't know me very well.
Prophet Five

Renee: You're gonna want to step aside now.
Guard: Sexy. So I'm being threatened by a waif and a pregnant chick.
[Renee punches him and shoves him against the door.]
Renee: Is it sexy now?
...1...

Sydney: I understand why you're reluctant. You're number eight on the CIA's most wanted list, I get it. But you have to understand: these people killed my fiance, the father of my child. I'm going to enlist every resource available to immobilize them, and if that means that this is the last time you and I see each other, that is fine by me. Just tell me how you want to do it.
Renee: Number eight?
Sydney: Yes.
Renee: I'm slipping. Used to be number six.

Jack: You seem to be enjoying your freedom.
Sloane: I was hoping to offer you more than prison food.
Jack: I must confess I'd grown rather fond of the shepherd's pie.
Out of the Box

[Jack watches Tom at the firing range.]
Jack: I think you got him.
Tom: My mother always said, if somebody was worth shootin' once, they're worth shootin' twice.
Jack: I'm sorry I never met her. She sounds like my kind of woman.
Out of the Box

Marshall: Basically, you could lasso a missile that was headed for a military target, say, in the Middle East, and then redirect it to . . . Switzerland, you know? And then the Swiss call, and they're, like, "Hey, uh, we're neutral, remember?"
Jack: Thank you, Marshall. I think we all understand.

Tom: You okay?
Rachel: If by "okay" you mean "freaked and embarrassed," then yeah, I'm great.
Solo

Sydney (on comms): What's he doing?
Rachel: Eating dirt. I just hit him with a shovel.
Sydney: A shovel? Is he conscious?
Rachel: Yeah, I think so.
Sydney: Then hit him again.

Elizabeth: Unless she's wearing a very convincing disguise--
Jack: --I'm going to be a grandfather. A very young grandfather.

Rachel: There's this one woman; she's amazing and she's about to have a baby. I'm not sure I could manage work and a goldfish.
Sark: Well, aquariums are overrated. Remember that.

Sydney: So this is where I'll be getting my epidural.
Doctor: Yes, it is, if you want one.
Sydney: I do. I'm- I'm not a big fan of pain.

[Dixon discreetly sets off the alarm.]
Marshall: Maybe they found out I've decoded the message! We should RUN!
Dixon (whispering): Take it down a notch, Hamlet.

Jack: You do not leave edged weapons within the reach of children.
Sydney: She's four weeks old, Dad.
Jack: Particularly young Bristow women!

[ More Season Five Quotes ]