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Alias Quotes - Season Two

Quotes Poll Results

Weiss: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Vaughn: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Caplan.
Weiss: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.
Endgame
Received 50% of 44 votes

Sydney: Did you close your eyes at all?
Vaughn: On and off. You talk in your sleep.
Sydney: No! What did I say?
Vaughn: "Don't frost the pie!" It seemed really important.
Salvation
Received 46.4% of 140 votes

Vaughn (on the phone): Uh, can it wait?
Weiss: Apparently not. He wants Sydney, too. Are you with her?
Vaughn: Uh, no, I haven't seen her.
Weiss: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Vaughn: I'm trying.
Firebomb
Received 43.4% of 53 votes

Weiss: There's no way that guy smells as good as you.
Vaughn: It's aftershave. I got a new aftershave.
Weiss: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it.
Vaughn: Yeah?
Weiss: Oh, yeah. To the point of non-use.
Phase One
Received 38.2% of 55 votes

Vaughn: This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.
Passage (1)
Received 29.8% of 84 votes

Sloane: Marshall Flinkman, technical operations officer.
Marshall (to Sark): Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me.
Passage (1)
Received 28.6% of 84 votes

Sydney: I love the zamboni.
Vaughn: Zamboni's your favorite part?
Sydney: No. Coming home with you after the game is my favorite part. . . . Zamboni was a close second.
Firebomb
Received 28.3% of 53 votes

Irina: Tell me, Sydney . . . Who sent you here? You must tell me.
Sydney: Or what? I'm grounded?
The Enemy Walks In
Received 24.5% of 159 votes

Sark: The new boss has a dreadful personality, don't you think?
Sydney: I've seen worse.
Sark: Am I supposed to take that personally?
Phase One
Received 23.6% of 55 votes

Kane: With whom have you had intimate contact over the past ten years, Agent Bristow?
Jack: I'm curious to know where you're going with this.
Kane: More secrets have been revealed through pillow talk than through torture. If there's a prostitute or a stewardess out there you think may have heard you talking in your sleep, I need to know about it.
Jack: There is one way for you to verify if my nocturnal activities are a security risk, Ms. Kane, but somehow I think we'd both prefer the torture.
The Abduction
Received 22.9% of 83 votes

Marshall (to Sydney): Hi. My name is Marshall J. Flinkman, and I'm here to rescue you!
A Higher Echelon
Received 22.9% of 83 votes

Sydney: My math skills may be above average, but I can't do advanced calculus in my head.
Sloane: That's why you're going in with Marshall.
Marshall: Marshall who?
The Abduction
Received 21.7% of 60 votes

Weiss: You, uh, you like Italian food?
Phillips: I have a boyfriend.
Weiss: Yeah, me too.
Double Agent
Received 20.8% of 72 votes

Sydney: Vaughn?
Vaughn: How come you never call me Michael?
Sydney: I do sometimes. Vaughn?
A Free Agent
Received 20.8% of 72 votes

Kendall: Go.
Vaughn: Go?
Kendall: I'll have a military aircraft waiting. This is totally back channel.
Vaughn: You're just gonna-- Are you trying to get rid of me?
Passage (2)
Received 18.3% of 60 votes

Sydney: Marshall has a photographic memory. Once the files flash across the screen, he'll remember them.
Vaughn: Yes. We know that.
Sydney: I can't just give SD-6 a fake Marshall.
The Abduction
Received 18.3% of 60 votes

Sydney: What were you saying to those guards?
Marshall: I think I said, "I can smell you from here" in Ewok.
Sydney: Ewok.
Marshall: Official language of the indigenous creatures on the planet Endor.
The Abduction
Received 18.2% of 83 votes

Sydney: Sloane got back from London last night. A full partner in the Alliance. Emily knew the truth. Her death, his immediately being let in - I'm confident he killed his wife to get that seat.
Vaughn: Killing his wife wouldn't surprise me. Eating his wife wouldn't surprise me.
Trust Me
Received 16.9% of 159 votes

[A gun cocks behind Vaughn, pointed at his head.]
Johnson: Now if you're really an expert, you'll know what kind of gun is pointed at the back of your head by the sound of the hammer.
Vaughn: An M19-11. But if he were really going to shoot me, he would have disengaged the thumb safety.
A Free Agent
Received 16.6% of 72 votes

Sydney: I'm just so relieved for him. It's like I can breathe again.
Vaughn: You know where it's fun to breathe? Santa Barbara. You ever been?
The Telling
Received 13.6% of 44 votes

Sydney: And all of a sudden there we were. Just the three of us... walking down a dirt road in the middle of Kashmir. When we were out there, working as a team, it was comforting. We were ambushed and we fought back. ... And we survived.
Will: Yeah, my parents and I sort of went through the same thing.
The Abduction
Received 13.3% of 60 votes

Francie: Let me ask you a question. Let's say you're hanging out at your favorite restaurant, with your friends--
[Jack gives her a look, and she realizes that he's not the kind to hang out with friends.]
Francie: -- or whatever. You like to go there, you like the food, what color are the walls?
Jack: I'm... not really into interior decorating.
Trust Me
Received 12.6% of 159 votes

Sark: Whatever Arvin Sloane pays you, it can't be enough. Would you consider coming to work for me if it meant I'd let you walk out of here? I believe if you took the time to hear the comprehensive offer, you might actually say yes.
Sydney: You're cute, but I'll pass.
Dead Drop
Received 12.6% of 159 votes

Sydney: What, are you blackmailing me?
Kendall: Civilians aren't authorized to be in this facility, let alone have access to a terrorist we can't even acknowledge is in our custody! In or out, kiddo? Can't have it both ways.
Jack: Legally, he's right. Ethically, he's an ass.
A Free Agent
Received 12.5% of 72 votes

Irina: How do you say "thank you" to the woman who killed your father?
Vaughn: You don't.
Dead Drop
Received 12.1% of 140 votes

Jack (to Irina): Obviously you can't maintain your cover if you're shackled. So there are two things you need to know about this necklace. One, it's layered with C-4. If you remove it while it's armed, you'll break the circuit and it will detonate. And two, if at any moment I believe you're attempting to escape or sabotage us, I'll activate this remote trigger... and blow your head off myself.
Passage (1)
Received 11.9% of 84 votes

Sydney: You know any jokes? 'Cause I could use one.
Vaughn: This grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" And the grasshopper says--
Sydney: "You have a drink named Doug?"
Vaughn: Well, I was going to use Phil.
Sydney: Well, Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug.
Salvation
Received 11.4% of 140 votes

Marshall: Well, post-fish, when I went to drop her off, this is traditionally, clasically the time where I would -- or a man would -- kiss her. And, well, I just started sweating.
Weiss: How bad?
Marshall: Bad. Weird bad. Freak show bad.
Weiss: Did she notice?
Marshall: Did she notice? It was like I had just gotten out of a lap pool.
The Telling
Received 11.4% of 44 votes

Marshall: Hey.
Sydney: You okay?
Marshall: Yeah. I mean, every few minutes I have to fight the urge to weep openly. I'm not really sure where that's coming from yet but I think that's healthy, right?
A Free Agent
Received 11.1% of 72 votes

Marshall: Basically, you just turn this guy like that, slip it on, turn around and this little guy will cut through anything.
[He gets too close and the device slices the end of his tie off.]
Marshall: Damn it. I liked this tie.
The Getaway
Received 10.9% of 55 votes

Sydney: Sometimes it *is* hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about.
Vaughn: That's what I'm talking about. And the thing that makes me crazy every day is that the people who would kill us if we're seen together -- the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane -- are the very forces that brought you into my life to begin with. What kind of a sick joke is that?
Phase One
Received 10.9% of 55 votes

Jack: The only way SD-6 will let you live is if you destroy the life you've got.
Will: I understand that, but you can't think of another way than this?
Jack: Yes, I can think of a number of other ways. But they all involve your burial.
Will: Is that your idea of a joke? You're morbid, Jack.
The Enemy Walks In
Received 10.1% of 159 votes

Marshall: It is two-for-one day here at Marshall's Tech Emporium. Not only is this magnetic shape charge capable of penetrating two meters of armored steel, but act now and it will also come equipped with a secondary tear gas munition which will disable the guards inside the truck. Operators standing by. Hello!
The Abduction
Received 10% of 60 votes

Vaughn: I got your psych report back. You did well.
Will: I'm not a sociopath.
Vaughn: Well, I didn't say *that*...
A Higher Echelon
Received 9.6% of 83 votes

Sydney (to Sloane): The CIA has a hit list. Thirty-five people worldwide its agents are allowed to kill. Thirty-five out of six billion. You're one of them. Which means when I kill you, I won't even be breaking the law.
Firebomb
Received 9.5% of 53 votes

Jack: I spent a decade with this woman and another twenty years analyzing how she could have deceived me for so long. Trust me when I tell you, I am protecting you.
Sydney: No, you're not. I think you loved Mom so much that when she left you, you lost your soul. You know what else I think? I think the kind of man who'd use his own daughter to frame her mother, who'd test psych experiments when she was six-years-old is the kind of man who looks at his daughter and sees his greatest mistake.
Salvation
Received 8.6% of 140 votes

Tech Guy: We still don't get how you detected the tap we put on the SD-6 network last year.
Marshall: Yes, that was a noble attempt, gentleman, a noble attempt. But, uh, you see, what happened was it was interfering with my online Dungeon Master game. My gnome kept skipping a frame every time he swung his battle ax, so...
A Free Agent
Received 7.5% of 53 votes

Sark: That should give us coverage of the entire embassy. But, sir, if Caplan's off by even a microtesla, this could go very wrong.
Sloane: Do it.
Sark: That's easy for you to say, sir, you're eight thousand miles away.
Firebomb
Received 7.5% of 53 votes

Sydney: How are you?
Will: Oh, I got my thirty days sobriety chip. Even though I wasn't ever a drug addict, I'm kind of proud.
Salvation
Received 7.1% of 140 votes

Jack: I hardly think you've earned the right to give anyone relationship advice.
Irina: Jack, Sydney's smart and she's strong, but she's not happy.
Sydney: Okay, wait a second, this--
Jack: And after a twenty-year absence you've gleamed that from the cumulative half-hour you've spent in her presence?
Passage (1)
Received 7.1% of 84 votes

Lennox: I could have sworn you were a blonde.
Sydney: I was. My hair's usually brown. Hard to keep track.
Double Agent
Received 7% of 72 votes

Sydney: Dinner's ready.
Vaughn: You do have an oven, you know. We can reheat.
Double Agent
Received 7% of 72 votes

Jack: Our previous... dealings would indicate that your strategy here may be long-term. So for now, I trust that your behavior is predictable.
Irina: By "previous dealings," you mean our marriage? You know, technically, we may still be husband and wife.
The Abduction
Received 6.8% of 60 votes

Sydney: You bought Vaughn a present?
Francie: Why not?
Will: Because it's the weirdest thing of all time?
Truth Takes Time
Received 6.8% of 44 votes

Sydney: How stupid are you to think I would ever believe you again?
Irina: Ultimately, you will do what you want. That's what free will's all about.
The Telling
Received 6.8% of 44 votes

Will: So, you're Vaughn.
Vaughn: You sound surprised.
Will: No, I just thought you'd be, uh... older.
Cipher
Received 6.3% of 159 votes

Marshall: I compressed a high glide tactical parachute in the lining of my jacket. Just in case. Don't worry, though. My belt hyperextends into a tandem sling. Just loop it around your waist, it'll hold us both.
Sydney: Thanks.
Marshall: You don't have to thank me. It's- it's my job to keep you safe.
The Abduction
Received 6% of 83 votes

Torture Guy: I will ask you one more time. Where is the Echelon software you took from us?
Marshall: I swear on my mother's grave, I don't know ... And though technically Mom's still alive, she has picked out her gravesite, so--
A Higher Echelon
Received 6% of 83 votes

Marshall: You know where you can go, you FREAK? Any idea?!
Torture Guy (to the guards): Kill him.
Marshall: Straight to hell, my friend! STRAIGHT TO HELL!
A Higher Echelon
Received 6% of 83 votes

Vaughn: I'm trying to live a normal life, which was always hard given what I do but it's gotten harder since I met your daughter. It's not that knowing her hasn't made my life better. It has. But it's also made it that much worse. I think I've said enough.
Irina: The problem, Mr. Vaughn, is that to the one person who matters, you haven't said anything.
The Counteragent
Received 5.9% of 84 votes

Sark: Are you here to wish me luck being my first day on the job or are you convinced I might reveal to Sloane that you conspired to kill him?
Sydney: I'm here to remind you what I hope is obvious but I don't want to overestimate your intelligence.
Passage (1)
Received 5.9% of 84 votes

Dr. Barnett: And you did all this with a bullet in your shoulder?
Sydney: Do you not believe me?
Dr. Barnett: It's impressive.
Sydney: Not really. One thing I have learned doing this:  there's no drug like adrenaline.
The Enemy Walks In
Received 5.7% of 159 votes

Vaughn: Look, I know this will drive you insane, but we can't employ you because you have a criminal record.
Will: I have a criminal record because of a drug habit I never had.
Salvation
Received 5.7% of 140 votes

Vaughn: I won't let you cover for me.
Weiss: I'm not but it's partially my fault too. I'm the one who told you to take her on a date.
Vaughn: You told me to tell her how I feel.
Weiss: Whatever. I'm three months past a near death experience, what the hell are you doing listening to my advice for?
The Getaway
Received 5.5% of 55 votes

Sark: When I met with Geiger this morning, I left his office feeling as unstrung as you look.
Sydney: Just so you know, I'm fully strung.
Phase One
Received 5.5% of 55 votes

Sark: You know, it's a pity we're traveling separately. We could've used the opportunity to get to know each other better.
Sydney: Yeah, I'm broken up about that too.
The Abduction
Received 5% of 60 votes

Jack: You went behind my back.
Kendall: That's hardly unheard of in this office.
Jack: So, what is this? Retribution for me taking your parking space?
Second Double
Received 4.5% of 44 votes

Vaughn: I know you want to see your daughter. I can guarantee you that is never going to happen unless she knows you're cooperating. Prove yourself. Give Sydney a reason to see you.
Irina: "Sydney"? Interesting...
Trust Me
Received 4.4% of 159 votes

Sark: I'd offer you passage back to civilization but my submersible only seats four.
Sydney: It's the thought that counts.
Cipher
Received 3.8% of 159 votes

Irina: Why haven't you tried to convince Sydney to leave the CIA? You and I know better than anyone. She should leave this life while she has the chance.
Jack: Sydney can be stubborn. Where she got that from is anyone's guess.
A Dark Turn
Received 3.8% of 53 votes

Francie: He tells his NA meeting.
Will: And they're good people.
Francie: I'm sure they're fantastic people but we make ninety percent of our profits from the bar, and they don't drink.
The Indicator
Received 3.6% of 140 votes

Sydney: Thanks. You told Kendall your judgment wasn't to be trusted and then agreed with me to reinforce his doubt.
Jack: Kendall's ego predisposes him to favor decisions in which he is overruling others. You argue your way, I'll argue mine.
Passage (1)
Received 3.6% of 84 votes

Irina: So, Sydney, how is school?
Sydney: I'm writing my dissertation... supposedly.
Passage (2)
Received 3.6% of 84 votes

Marshall: I bet you didn't know that the last piece of music that Bach ever composed, he encoded his name into the musical notes.
Powell: He certainly was the most ingenious composers of the Baroque movement.
Marshall: You know what I always say: if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it!
The Abduction
Received 3.6% of 83 votes

Irina: I'll need to send an access code.
Kendall: How will we know you're not signaling your operation?
Irina: You won't.
A Higher Echelon
Received 3.6% of 83 votes

Weiss: Look who's joining you in France!
Sydney (smiling): Hey.
Weiss: "Hey"? Three months in the hospital, I get a "hey"? How about a little sugar?
The Getaway
Received 3.6% of 55 votes

Sloane: Kane is the head of Alliance counterintelligence. She is the one who plugged the leak last year at SD-9.
Jack: Impressive work. Particularly considering the guilty party attempted to frame *you* as the mole.
Kane: Men always call women crazy when they're caught with their pants down.
The Abduction
Received 3.3% of 60 votes

Will: You ever have a dream where you're back at school and they won't let you graduate because you failed a test? I had that last night.
Vaughn: Well, we don't screen for general knowledge. It's strictly a psych profile.
Will: So I can't fail, but I can find out I'm a sociopath.
The Abduction
Received 3.3% of 60 votes

Kendall: Just so we're clear, Mr. Vaughn, I know all about your participation in busting Agent Bristow out of federal custody. Convince her to talk to her mother, or face charges of obstructing justice and harboring a fugitive.
Vaughn: Guess it's two-for-one day on blackmail.
Trust Me
Received 3.1% of 159 votes

Kendall: You care to elaborate?
Marshall: Yeah, of course, Mr. Ken--Director. 'Cause you're the Director Kendall. Right. Um, that's one L?
Kendall: Two.
Marshall: It's two. Of course. Why would it--by the way, Sir, this place? So much cooler than SD-6.
Kendall: How about the point?
A Free Agent
Received 2.8% of 72 votes

Sark: I couldn't reveal to Sloane that you conspired to kill him without also revealing my involvement. Of course, I never had any intention of going through with it. I simply needed to gain his trust.
Sydney: You know what I think? You're just a dog looking for a new master.
Passage (1)
Received 2.4% of 84 votes

Sydney: I will not spy on Michael Vaughn.
Yeager: Miss Bristow, what is your priority? National security, or your new boyfriend?
A Dark Turn
Received 2.3% of 44 votes

Vaughn: It's common, you know, to dream about work, have anxiety over keeping it secret. Especially in the beginning.
Will: Really.
Vaughn: Goes away though.
Will: What, the excitement?
Vaughn: No. The dreams.
A Dark Turn
Received 2.3% of 44 votes

Carrie: Do you believe in this stuff? Rambaldi, his prophecy?
Marshall: I don't know, um... I was raised more or less by agnostic parents. They were inordinately empirical. Logical to the point of foolishness. Like, "Marshall, you must wear your sweater. It's fifty-two degrees outside." But I'm like, "Mom, I'm not cold. I don't want--" "Well, in this family, we wear sweaters at fifty-two degrees." I mean, there were really no prophecies growing up. Or even Santa Claus, tooth fairies...
Carrie: So the short answer is no.
Countdown
Received 2.3% of 44 votes

Sydney: You weren't trying to protect me from her, you were trying to protect your secret. So the first opportunity you had, you set her up... in Madagascar.
Jack: Sydney, understand something--
Sydney: No, Dad, you understand something. You took away my *choices* in life. You programmed me to be a spy. I will never forgive you for this.
The Indicator
Received 2.2% of 140 votes

Sydney: You're selling your car?
Will: Yeah, well, it's either that or I quit paying my student loans. I can't afford to have bad credit and a criminal record.
Salvation
Received 2.2% of 140 votes

Sydney: How long have you known about this?
Jack: I didn't tell you because it didn't concern you!
Sydney: If the Alliance thinks you're lying to them, they'll kill you. That concerns me!
The Getaway
Received 1.8% of 55 votes

[Marshall gets set up to work for the CIA.]
Marshall: Okay! I'll need taps into all gov networks -- NSA, DOD, FBI, CIA. Oh, I'll need a red phone to the president.
Tech Guy: No.
Marshall: That's all right, I just thought I'd ask.
A Free Agent
Received 1.4% of 72 votes

Irina: I know what you did for me. Proving Sydney's father betrayed her in Madagascar. I would have been executed for that. Thank you.
Vaughn: I didn't do it for you.
The Counteragent
Received 1.2% of 84 votes

Torture Guy: We have a firewall. You broke through it. I want to know why!
Marshall: I was just trying to download an mp3 off of Audiogalaxy. Look, an mp3 - you know, a music file? This, I am seventy-five per cent done with. I just thought the rest of it would go a lot faster with some tunes...
A Higher Echelon
Received 1.2% of 83 votes

Jack: Irina Derevko would eagerly destroy all of our lives.
Vaughn: I'm not a big fan, either. It still doesn't justify what you did.
Jack: You do good work, Agent Vaughn. But your consistent shortcoming -- you should know this -- is your naive sense of morality.
The Indicator
Received 0.7% of 140 votes

Sark: You're surprisingly adept at keeping your curiosity in check.
Sydney: Don't flatter yourself.
Sark: I'm referring to the fact that your mother and I worked together before I arrived here -- before she... went into hiding. I learned a lot from her. In some ways, I think of her as a mother myself.
The Abduction
Received 0% of 60 votes

Vaughn: It was a judgment call.
Sydney: It's a judgment call you've been making for the past three months!
Vaughn: Involving you had no upside.
Sydney: There's no upside to keeping me informed?
The Getaway
Received 0% of 55 votes

Sydney (to an airport guard): Watch the hand. Hey, it's not a date!
The Getaway
Received 0% of 55 votes

Francie: I love that you're writing again: that's fantastic!
Will: You're okay with it?
Francie: Yeah, like I can't find another waiter in Los Angeles!
Phase One
Received 0% of 72 votes

Vaughn: I'm not French. I'm CIA. We've tolerated your existence because you've been helpful, but that tolerance can end now. We have reason to believe one of these men recently approached you to hire some of your contacts. Warm or cold?
Contact: If you had told me the CIA was simply interested in my client list, I would have told you to go make love... with your mother.
A Free Agent
Received 0% of 53 votes

Marshall: If you take a look right there, I soldered in the circuit board. Can you see that?
Jack: What is that?
Marshall: It's a Superman logo. Except this one's got a "M" on it - it's kind of my signature. Um, when I used to work at SD-6, I made it special for Sloane. It operates using an MD-14 data adapter, which cloaks the signal, making it undetectable by bug killers. I know, I know, I'm that good ... uh, which is bad...
Firebomb
Received 0% of 53 votes

Vaughn: You found court records?
Will: Yeah, yeah, they're published on the Net. I realize that there's nothing geopolitically correct about my analysis, but in the "hell hath no fury" department, I figure this woman would pay *us* to mess with her ex.
Firebomb
Received 0% of 53 votes

Kendall: He was a high-level arms dealer in Russia with links to the mafia. Your ex-wife mentions--
Jack: I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to Irina Derevko by name.
A Dark Turn
Received 0% of 53 votes

Sydney: Why would she lie?
Jack: That's precisely the question!
Sydney: She turned herself in!
Jack: She's not the first!
Endgame
Received 0% of 44 votes


More Season Two Quotes

Sydney: I'm on the ground.
Sark: Good luck, Sydney.
Sydney: I don't need you to wish me luck you son of a bitch.
Sark: That's a wonderful attitude.

Kane: With whom have you had intimate contact over the past ten years, Agent Bristow?
Jack: I'm curious to know where you're going with this.
Kane: More secrets have been revealed through pillow talk than through torture. If there's a prostitute or a stewardess out there you think may have heard you talking in your sleep, I need to know about it.
Jack: There is one way for you to verify if my nocturnal activities are a security risk, Ms. Kane, but somehow I think we'd both prefer the torture.
The Abduction

"Yeah, me and my parents sorta went through the same thing." - Will, responding to Syd's remark in The Abduction about fighting armed soldiers with her parents

Weiss: "Bringing them to justice." I love that -- Arvin Sloane talking about justice.

Sydney: Anything?
Vaughn: Not yet. So, hey, you know there's some really good restaurants in Barcelona.
Sydney: Yeah, I know.
Vaughn: You know what I was thinking?
Sydney: I think I do.
Vaughn: If we could actually be seen in public together we'd get The Bible and get a bite.
Weiss: Yeah, can the whole team come? 'Cause I'm starving.

Sydney: Sloane got back from London last night. A full partner in the Alliance. Emily knew the truth. Her death, his immediately being let in, I'm confident he killed his wife to get that seat.
Vaughn: Killing his wife wouldn't surprise me. Eating his wife wouldn't surprise me.

Vaughn: If I can get her to talk, I don't want you to ask Sydney to see her ever again.
Kendall: Well, I'm not going to make that promise.
Vaughn: You're not the easiest guy to work with, are you?
Kendall: No. No, definitely not.

Irina: Speaking of Ms. Adams... just before I left I remember her encouraging you to try out for your school's Thanksgiving play. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but in the twenty years since I last saw you I often wondered... what part did you play?
Sydney: I don't remember. It was around the time I was told my mother had died. Everything else is a blur.

Irina: How do you say "thank you" to the woman who killed your father?
Vaughn: You don't.

Sydney: Thanks. You know any jokes? 'Cause I could use one.
Vaughn: This grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" And the grasshopper says--
Sydney: "You have a drink named Doug?"
Vaughn: Well, I was going to use Phil.
Sydney: Well, Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug.
Vaughn: No, I know, I'm sorry. It's a non-humorous, uh...
(They giggle together.)

Sydney: You're selling your car?
Will: Yeah, well, it's either that or I quit paying my student loans. I can't afford to have bad credit and a criminal record.

Sark: Good luck, Sydney.
Sydney: I don't need you to wish me luck, you son of a bitch.
Sark: That's a wonderful attitude.

(Marshall enters.)
Marshall: I, uh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Sloane: Marshall Flinkman, technical operations officer.
(Marshall looks at Sark.)
Marshall: Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me.

Sydney: Do you remember Mr. Sark?
Will: Do I remember the guy who shot me with a tranquilizer? The guy who had me tortured in Taipei?
Sydney: He's working with SD-6. I can't tell you any more than that.
Will: You've seen him? You're working with him?
Sydney: I have to make him think I am.
Will: That little British cocky son of a bitch is in LA?

Vaughn: This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.

Irina: Agent Vaughn has trouble sleeping when you're in the field.
Sydney: I doubt he told you that.
Irina: He didn't have to tell me, I could see it in his eyes. I can see it in yours.
Sydney: Agent Vaughn is my colleague.
Irina: You're so willing to take risks for your country. Why aren't you willing to do the same for your own happiness?

Sydney: You know, some people go miniature golfing with their parents. We go to India and look for nukes.

Sydney: My math skills may be above average but I can't do advanced calculus in my head.
Sloane: That's why you're going in with Marshall.
Marshall: Marshall who?

Kendall: Listen to me. Fighter planes are in the sky, you have to leave now.
Sydney: Not until we get my mother.
Kendall: Agent Bristow, I'm ordering you to...
(Jack grabs the phone.)
Kendall: ...pull out and head for the extraction point, immediately!
Jack: This is Jack. You'll either hear from us again, or you won't.

Sydney: (voice over) We were ambushed and we fought back. And we survived.
Will: Yeah, my parents and I sort of went through the same thing.
(Sydney looks at him. He gives her a look. They both start laughing and Sydney hits him with a pillow.)

Vaughn: Well, we don't screen for general knowledge. It's strictly a psych profile.
Will: So I can't fail but I can find out I'm a sociopath.

Sydney: I have a crush on a guy from work.
Francie: Really? Who is he?
Sydney: Someone in my department. We've worked together for about a year now.
Francie: You're kidding me. What's his name?
Sydney: Michael. And he's... I don't know how to describe him. He's smart... and he's funny. He's so cute.
Francie: Hot cute, not goofy cute.
Sydney: Hot cute.
Francie: So why haven't I met this guy?
Sydney: He has a girlfriend.
Francie: Of course he does.
Sydney: Which is ultimately irrelevant anyway. The-the bank has a policy against coworkers dating.
Francie: You know you could quit.
Sydney: Francie--
Francie: Look, I don't know what kind of hold this bank has on you--
Sydney: They don't have a hold on me, I just can't quit my job!
Francie: It's not that they treat you poorly, which they do, but the thing is, I haven't heard you talk like this in forever. No one in the free world works as hard as you.
Sydney: I know it seems that way--
Francie: Maybe you and Michael are destined. Maybe he can quit.
Sydney: I got to go.

Suit and Glasses: I will ask you one more time... where is the Echelon software you took from us?
Marshall: I swear on my mother's grave, I don't know.
(A tear falls down his cheek.)
Marshall: And though technically Mom's still alive, she has picked out her gravesite, so--

Vaughn: Hey, Will. I got your psych report back. You did well.
Will: I'm not a sociopath.
Vaughn: Well, I didn't say that.

Marshall: You know where you can go, you FREAK? Any idea?!
Suit and Glasses: Kill him.
Marshall: Straight to hell, my friend! STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Sydney: So I heard you on the phone with base ops. Your code name is Boy Scout?
Vaughn: (laughs) Yeah.
Sydney: Why?
Vaughn: Um, it goes back to CST -- clandestine service training. You don't want to hear this.
Sydney: Vaughn.
Vaughn: Okay, the Boy Scouts have a motto--
Sydney: Always be prepared.
Vaughn: (nods) On my first day, I showed up and I had forgotten my field manual so the instructor said, "That is your one screw-up. And from then on, you'd better be prepared."
Weiss: (on comm) This story is a disaster!
(Vaughn looks humiliated, gestures to his ear where his comm link is.)
Weiss: (on comm) Just tell her she's pretty! Are you an idiot?
Vaughn: Okay, I'm going to turn you off now. Goodbye.

Vaughn: I'm going to say something and it will either be obvious to you or seem presumptuous. Either way, I got to say it. This isn't working. I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what the hell to do.
Sydney: What?
Vaughn: I think you know what.
Sydney: I need you to tell me.
Vaughn: You need me to tell you what? That when you're on operations, I can't sleep at night. That when we're in debrief I have to force myself to remember what the hell we're supposed to be reviewing. When all I want to do is kiss you.
Sydney: Sometimes it is hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about.
Vaughn: That's what I'm talking about. And the thing that makes me crazy every day is that the people who would kill us if we're seen together -- the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane -- are the very forces that brought you into my life to begin with. What kind of a sick joke is that?
Sydney: So what are you thinking? That maybe we shouldn't be working together?
Vaughn: That's what I was thinking but then I thought, we are great together.
Sydney: I know.
Vaughn: And the more we work together, the sooner the Alliance gets destroyed.
Sydney: So what are you suggesting?
(Weiss enters.)
Weiss: What is this, the flirting corner?
Vaughn: Uh, we're talking.
Weiss: Yeah, I figured that out. Uh, there's a meeting. National security, remember that? It's important... for the people?

(Vaughn takes off his mask and looks around at the completely destroyed offices. He makes eye contact with Sydney from across the room and they both start walking to each other. In the middle of the ruined offices, they kiss.)
Weiss: Hey, guys... I just talked to base, we did it. We kicked their asses.
(Sydney and Vaughn keep kissing.)
Weiss: Hey... guys, did you hear what I said? Asses... kicked.
(He leaves them alone, still kissing in the middle of the room.)

(Kendall walks away. Jack looks at Sydney.)
Jack: Legally, he's right. Ethically, he's an ass.

Sydney: You okay?
Marshall: Yeah, I mean, every few minutes I have to fight the urge to weep openly. I'm not really sure where that's coming from yet but I think that's healthy, right?

Kendall: You care to elaborate?
Marshall: Yeah, of course, Mr. Ken-Director. Cause you're the Director Kendall. Right. That's one L?
Kendall: Two.
Marshall: It's two. Of course. Why would it--by the way, sir, this place? So much cooler than SD-6.

Sydney: Good call on the gun. I would've said Baretta M-9.
Vaughn: Figured I had a 50/50 chance.

Vaughn: Thank you. Tell Kendall to start tracking Sydney in five minutes. She'll be in a Ford Focus.
Marshall: Do you know what model?
Vaughn: ZX5.
Marshall: What color?
Vaughn: Blue. Why?
Marshall: Uh, no, I was just curious. I was thinking about getting one myself...

Sydney: I love the zamboni.
Vaughn: Zamboni's your favorite part?
Sydney: No. Coming home with you after the game is my favorite part.
(They kiss. Vaughn takes a few steps, still holding her hand, and gives her hand a kiss.)
Sydney: Zamboni was a close second.

Jack: What is that?
Marshall: It's a Superman logo. Except this one's got an "M" on it, it's kind of my signature. Um, when I used to work at SD-6, I made it special for Sloane. It operates using an MD-14 data adapter, which cloaks the signal, making it undetectable by bug killers. I know, I know, I'm that good. Uh, which is bad.

Jack: Then do it.
Marshall: "Please" would be nice.
(Jack just walks away.)
Marshall: That's all right. Never mind.

Sydney: Weiss. Have you seen Vaughn?
Weiss: That's all I am to you -- just a conduit to Vaughn.
Sydney: No, I'm just--
Weiss: Have you ever seen Vaughn and said "Hey, where's Weiss?"
Sydney: I'm just looking for him.

Sydney: There are consequences, that's my point. Ask yourself, would you betray someone you love?
Yeager: Well, I guess we have an answer to the intimacy question.

Vaughn: Then I'm coming with you.
Sydney: I can't ask you to do that.
Vaughn: You don't have to. There's an alley in Saria behind the Gandara Hotel. Meet me there.
(He hangs up and takes his suit jacket off the back of his chair.)
Weiss: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Vaughn: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Caplan.
Weiss: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.

Carrie: Do you believe in this stuff? Rambaldi, his prophecy?
Marshall: I don't know, um... I was raised more or less by agnostic parents. They were inordinately empirical. Logical to the point of foolishness. Like, "Marshall, you must wear your sweater. It's fifty-two degrees outside." But I'm like, "Mom, I'm not cold. I don't want--" "Well, in this family, we wear sweaters at fifty-two degrees." I mean, there were really no prophecies growing up. Or even Santa Claus, Tooth Fairies...
Carrie: So the short answer is no.

Vaughn: You know where it's fun to breathe? Santa Barbara. You ever been?
Sydney: Yeah, I love it. The zoo, that giraffe with the crooked neck.
Vaughn: No, I mean, the beach, the Biltmore, the food. La Superica -- you ever been there?
Sydney: No.
Vaughn: Okay, we're going this weekend.
Sydney: I know. So when this is over, how do we go on vacation?

Vaughn: Well, I was thinking about this.
Sydney: Yeah?
Vaughn: And I was thinking that we have to stop talking about it and just book the hotel, just do it.
Sydney: You're right. We have to start thinking more positively.
Vaughn: I mean, we're going to Santa Barbara.
Sydney: We're going. We're just going.

Vaughn: See? When I have a gun trained on you, I don't just pull the trigger!
Sark: Thank you.
(He grabs Sark's head again and bangs it against the table.)
Vaughn: You're welcome.


Acknowledgments

Thanks to "Rachel", "Rygelina", "Kate Vartan" and Kim for sending quotes to add to this page! Thanks also to everyone who voted in the quotes polls.


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