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Alias Top Tens - Seasonal

All I want for Christmas is ... spy humor?

Top Ten Ways Sark Celebrates Christmas

10. Watch parades; think up evil plots involving Spiderman balloon

9. Treat himself to a gift basket of new weapons

8. Quickly switch off football games; never violent enough

7. Wax nostalgic about the Christmas when he assassinated an unwary ambassador

6. Sneak into victims' houses via the chimney

5. Put fake bomb in Syd's stocking. Install camera to catch her reaction

4. Buy all the egg nog at the local grocery stores, so there won't be any when desperate last minute shoppers go looking

3. Volunteer at local homeless shelters to strangle turkeys

2. Make list of creative ways to kill people (Well, he works on that every day)

1. In a word: naughty

Top Ten Ways Syd Celebrates Christmas

10. Stocks up on mistletoe to use during meetings with Vaughn.

9. Wears a Santa hat with every disguise.

8. Forms a plan to find the Grinch and expose his connection to The Covenant.

7. Sets her cell phone to ring to the tune of the song Sleigh Ride.

6. Gives Sloane a fruitcake. (Fights the urge to beat him with it.)

5. All alibis contain the words "reindeer" or "merry."

4. Refuses missions to anywhere but the North Pole.

3. Prefers to use the code name Silent Night.

2. Gift wraps her dead drops to the CIA.

1. Exclaims "And to all a good night!" as she shoots at bad guys and flees.

Sloane's Top Ten Hints for a Festive Holiday Season**

10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests.

9. A fake severed finger in the stuffing is a sure laugh-getter.

8. Tell visitors that when the timer pops up on the turkey, they have ten seconds before it explodes.

7. Question the pumpkin for secrets as you cut it up and make a pie.

6. Claim that the turkey's death was a mercy killing.

5. Reenact the story of the Pilgrims' first cranberry sauce weapon.

4. At end of meal, stand up and proclaim, "You must tell no one about this!"

3. Organize a covert operation to remove lumps from the mashed potatoes.

2. Blackmail relatives by threatening to reveal their secret recipes.

1. Two words: gravy bomb.

Top Ten Things To Do While Alias Isn't On During the Summer

10. Whenever the phone rings, pick it up and whisper, "I'm ready."

9. Take classes to learn other languages, so you'll be prepared for the new season of Alias.

8. If a guy shows up at your office to do repairs, put him in a headlock and demand to know who sent him.

7. One word: stakeout.

6. Explore the comfort of inflatable furniture.

5. Say "Sometimes the truth hurts" whenever you hear the word "truth."

4. Wear a disguise when you leave the house.

3. Make friends with a reporter and tearfully ask him to stop working on a story.

2. Travel from room to room by way of the air ducts.

1. Ask everyone you meet if they'll be your handler.

Ten More Things To Do While Alias Isn't On During the Summer

10. For one entire day each week, speak only lines that have been said on Alias.

9. Take up running, because you never know when you'll have to make a quick exit.

8. Whenever you can, change clothes in the restroom of a public building.

7. Begin work on your own spy gadgets.

6. Obtain a life-sized photo of Dr. Barnett and tell it all of your problems.

5. Pray that your boss never says he thinks of you as his own child.

4. Travel the world - or the Internet if you're on a budget - looking for locations where Alias episodes were filmed.

3. Reply "Where did you obtain your intel?" at any point that seems appropriate.

2. Practice your Sultry Lounge Singer act.

1. Spend time looking for ways you can save the world and/or right wrongs.


* See the links page for some of our Top Ten suppliers/inspirations.
** Remember: these are for entertainment purposes only! (I didn't even need to point that out, did I?)

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