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The Spy Survival Kit

* PHILIPS SCREW DRIVER
   When you are suddenly over powered by a raging wall of water and your only means of escape is through an air vent.

* A LAMP CHORD
   Just in case your boyfriend isn't really who he says he is.

* AN INFLATED CAR TIRE
   When you're forced to drive off a pier and the only means of escaping the FBI is faking your death just like long dead Mommy Dearest

* ANY AND ALL KITCHEN APPLIANCES
   Your "Best Friend" may actually be out to kill you.... and steal your shoes.

* A FROSTED PIE
   To woo your guardian angel away from his annoying Blonde-British-Double-Crossing wife.

* A PARACHUTE LINED JACKET
   Most of the time the plane doesn't crash. (x-nay on flight paths over North Korea) But sometimes you can't beat the bad guys and you're forced to jump off a building attached to your office's Techno. Nerd.

* YOUR BEST FRIEND'S FAVORITE ICE CREAM
   Your best friend just might develop a love-hate relationship with their favorite ice cream overnight. Be prepared.

* AN EVIL CRIME SYNDICATE IN NEED OF DISMANTLING
   It just might be the only way to make you with the cute co-worker.

* A "SOULFUL" TERM PAPER
   There's only one way to graduate collage, and that's with 5,000 words of pure soul.

* A ZAMBONNI
   It won't save you from blood-thirsty torturers, but it will save you from complete, and utter, boredom.

* FAKE ANCIENT BLANK PAPER
   You don't want the rest of the world thinking you're going to kill them all, now don't you?

* AN ELEVATOR
   There are oh so many things you can do in an elevator. Here are some examples:
   1. Change clothes
   2. Escape through the vent at the top
   3. Kidnap people who have info you want (but only if you're evil. You're just going to kill them anyways.)
   4. Scare the crap out of people by blowing up the wire brakes. But the joke ends when you blow up the emergency brakes as well.

IMPORTANT POINTERS
* Make sure the TV isn't watching you when you're doing something you plan on getting away with.
* Don't pull the fire alarm.
* Maximum Disappearance Time allowed: 9 months
* Multiple Languages are a plus. You can start out by passing Spanish/French.
* Don't blow up that big orange ball.


Acknowledgments

* Many thanks to Kathryn Childress for sending these!


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