Buffy: Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. I mean...
Buffy: Vampire-Demon tag team. Who says we can't all get along?
Buffy: Vamps hate demons. It's like stripes and polka-dots. Major clashing.
Xander: Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you.
Anya: So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it?
Xander: I'm just not gonna win here, am I?
Xander: We've gone other nights without sex.
Anya: I know. Twice! I can't believe we're breaking up!
Xander: Breaking? We're not. Are we?
Xander: Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex. Well, there should be.
Anya: I don't understand. I'm pretty, I'm young. Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is something wrong with your body?
Xander: There's nothing wrong with my body.
Anya: Well, there must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction...
Xander: Whoa! Hey! All systems go, here. No function problem, okay? You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here. Hot, sweaty, big sex!
Giles: And yet you say that the, the vampire went to the demon's aid. The two of them were working as a team?
Buffy: Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind.
Buffy: Think about it - who better to bring together a bunch of demon types than someone who's made out of a bunch of demon types?
Tara: So, he's, um, bridging the gap between the races.
Willow: Huh. Like Martin Luther King.
Giles: As much as I long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump.
Tara: What are you doing there?
Giles: I'm, um, it's a meeting of grown-ups. It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot.
Willow: They're probably goin' to...
Giles: Yes, thank you, Willow. I did attend University in the Mesozoic Era, I do remember what it's like.
Forrest: Oh, you got to be kidding me. When do these two come up for air?
Graham: Slaves to the rhythm.
Spike: Grrr!
Anya: Aaahh!
Spike: Oh, it's you.
Anya: Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!
Spike: Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money.
Anya: I'm not paying you for scaring me.
Spike: You're not paying me. I'm robbing you.
Anya: Oh, well, now that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine.
Spike: Grrrr!
Anya: Oh, now, come on! You're not even bumpy anymore!
Spike (feeling his forehead): Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again.
Anya: Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?
Spike: Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail.
Anya: I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless.
Spike: Look who's talking. I don't see droopy-boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?
Xander: It's kind of embarrassing, which, welcome to the life with Anya.
Xander: Is it me? Am I the crazy one?
Buffy: Uh-huh. Absolutely.
Willow: Hey, Buffy? This might be a good time to mention that someone so not me spilled something purpley on your new peasant top, which I would never borrow without asking. Still love me?
Buffy: Uh-huh. Huh? What about my peasant top?
Willow: Nothing.
Anya: Boy, I miss those powers.
Spike: Yeah. Tell me about it.
Anya: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Spike: You know... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?
Anya: Yeah. Now everything's complicated.
Spike: It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. Ended badly.
Anya: Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love and sex, then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works.
Spike: Hey... you and I should just go do the vengeance. Both of us. You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project.
Anya: I don't know. I just can't. But you can go do Dru, though.
Spike: Yeah, I will. Maybe later.
Xander: "Lowell House. 1962."
Julie: Yes.
Xander: Uh, just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history. Or my knowledge of reading.
Julie: And you didn't even have to sound anything out!
Xander: You should see me add short columns of small numbers.
Julie: You're funny.
Xander: Thanks. That is, funny "how amusing", or funny "back away and avoid eye contact"?
Julie: Kinda both.
Buffy: I…um…need you to take a look at...an essay...for class.
Riley: That essay. Right. I'll catch you guys in a minute. There's an essay.
Graham: And I'm the one who got a "D" in Covert Ops.
Spike: Hey. I know these guys from somewhere.
Anya: Initiative soldiers. They live here. Experiments happen in the lab under the house. It's where they kept you and put in your chip. Let's have fun.
Spike: What are you doing? You brought me here?
Xander: Anya? What are you doing? You brought him here?
Spike: That's what I said. Only I hit the "here" part.
Xander: We had a little fight. That just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead.
Xander: Anya, what are you doing with him?
Anya: We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex.
Xander: You're overreacting. We had a fight. But see, it's okay. It's normal.
Anya: It's the normal part of ending a relationship, right before the vengeance begins.
Xander: Right. No! Vengeance?
Anya: I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don't even have that!
Xander: I've put up with a hell of a lot from you, much of that in the last minute...
Anya: Well then, I'm staying too. To show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun. Because I'll be having more fun!
Xander: I'm having fun already!
Anya: Me too! Whoo-hoo!
Xander (seeing a group playing Spin the Bottle): Huh. Sometimes I just don't get the sophisticated college lifestyle.
Willow: Ghost boy, drowning in a tub. I tried to save him, but... being a ghost already, well, I was way too late.
Xander: A ghost? What's the deal? Is every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties? 'Cause it's not the snacks.
Willow: We have to go back in there.
Anya: Why?
Xander: Because Buffy and Riley are trapped.
Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier-boy. What do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around. There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair.
Spike: I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Asian House is open...
Xander: I'm going back in there, and I'm not coming out until I bring my friend with me….Or... it could be Watcher-time.
Xander: Ummm…could we go back to the haunted house? Because this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: Sure. Every day the Earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
Anya: His voice is...pleasant.
Xander: What?
Willow: Oh come on. He is kinda sexy.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fuel on the fire, please.
Giles: When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or respond in any way?
Anya: No. They're probably dead.
Xander: Unless they were too busy doin' it to answer.
Giles: Doing what?
Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're... kind of naive.
Giles: In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? Oh, for a different phrasing.
Xander: Yeah? You smell sin? Well, let me tell you something, lady. She who smelt it, dealt it! It's like what you said, but faster.
Xander: So this totally adds to my "old people are crazy" theorem.
Xander: So, with Buffy and Riley havin'... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock, lately, maybe they set something free. Like a big, bursting poltergasm.
Anya: What good are weapons against disembodied spirits, Xander? They have no ass to kick.
Xander: What do you feel?
Anya: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry.
Xander: I meant about the house.
Anya: Oh. Still haunted.
Tara: We implore you...be still.
Giles: Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage.
Willow: Transform your pain. Release your past...and uh...get over it.
Anya: Shut up, repressed crybabies!
Riley: I can't believe it really happened.
Buffy: I just had no idea. It's so creepy. He was really singing?
Xander: I'd say it was more like crooning. If we grow old together, remind me to skip the mid-life crisis.
Anya: Okay.
Willow: Come on, you have to admit, it was kind of sexy.
Xander: Please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives.
Buffy: If Riley and I hadn't... gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would have happened.
Anya: True. Feel shame.
Xander: My girlfriend. Mistress of the learning plateau.
