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 Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Who Are You  

Joyce: Faith... why do you think she's like that?
Faith-in-Buffy: Well, you know, she's a nut job.

Joyce: I think she's horribly unhappy.
Faith-in-Buffy: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, the little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection.
Joyce: Buffy!

Joyce: But maybe, we could spend some time together soon? Some night when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic.

Faith-in-Buffy: Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buf-fy. You can't do that - it's wrong. You can't do that because it's naughty. Because it's wrong. Because it's wrong. You can't do that. It's wrong, I'll kick your ass. I'm gonna kill you.

Willow: I wish she would make a move. She's making my stomach all acidy.

Cop: She's coming to. Man, I want this kid's constitution.

Giles: It's about Faith, not surprisingly.
Faith-in-Buffy: Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass.
Xander: I feel a high-five coming on.

Faith-in-Buffy: Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice.
Anya: How's that?
Faith-in-Buffy: Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. I guess that's just regular justice.

Giles: This is a special operations unit. They handle the Council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation... wetworks.
Willow: What's wetworks?
Xander: Scuba-type stuff.
Anya: I thought it was murder.
Xander: Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder, with snorkels.

Faith-in-Buffy: Faith is evil.
Willow: Yeah, I hope they throw the book at her.
Giles: I'm not sure there is a book for this.
Willow: They could throw other things.

Willow: I wish those Council guys would let me have an hour alone in the room with her... if I was larger and had grenades.

Anya: So what you're saying is that everything's fine?
Giles: Um, yes.
Anya: Well, I'm glad you called us all here, because that information could never be conveyed by telephone.

Xander: We kind of have a romantic evening planned.
Anya: We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them.
Faith-in-Buffy: Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes.
Anya: Hey!
Xander: I believe that's my "hey." Hey!

Spike: Oh, you.
Faith-in-Buffy: And... you.
Spike: What, are you keeping tabs on me? You're gonna give me a hard time now?
Faith-in-Buffy: Do I usually give you a hard time?
Spike: Very funny. Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking, unless you're here to protect innocent beers.
Faith-in-Buffy: You're a vampire.
Spike: Was. And as soon as I get this chip out of my head, I'll be a vampire again. But until then, I'm just as helpless as a kitten up a tree, so why don't you sod off?
Faith-in-Buffy: Okay.
Spike: Oh, fine! Throw it in my face! "Spike's not a threat any more. I'll turn my back. He can't hurt me."
Faith-in-Buffy: Spike... Spike! William the Bloody with a chip in his head. I kind of love this town.
Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Faith-in-Buffy: 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it.
Faith-in-Buffy: 'Cause I could do anything I want, and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike.

Faith-in-Buffy: I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? Because it's wrong.

Willow: The Bronze is the coolest place in Sunnydale. Of course, there's not a lot of competition. I think the vending machine at Burgin's came in second.

Willow: We'll get together with Buffy another time. Sometime soon. I think you'll really like her.
Tara: She's not your friend.
Willow: I may have overestimated the "you liking her" factor.

Willow: You didn't sense a hyena energy at all, did you? 'Cause hyena possession is just... unpleasant.

Faith-in-Buffy: Faith has won a fabulous trip to England, and I got the consolation prize, which is you.

Buffy-in-Faith: Okay, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith.
Giles: Really?
Buffy-in-Faith: Really.
Giles: 'Cause the resemblance is striking.

Buffy-in-Faith: Stop inching. You were inching!
Giles: Look, I know what you're going to say, and, and...
Buffy-in-Faith: I'm Buffy.
Giles: All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy.

Giles: If you are Buffy, then you'll let me tie you up... without killing me... until we find out whether you're telling the truth.
Buffy-in-Faith: Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know she's taken it to Mexico by now. I don't have time for bondage fun.

Buffy-in-Faith: Ask me a question. Ask me anything.
Giles: Who's president?
Buffy-in-Faith: We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion.

Buffy-in-Faith: Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you look into my eyes and be all intuitive?

Buffy-in-Faith: And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker-type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to continue?
Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop.
Buffy-in-Faith: What's a stevedore?

Willow: You're Buffy. You and Faith switched bodies. Probably through a Draconian katra spell.
Giles: She understands it better than I do.

Faith-in-Buffy: Someone comes out, you get 'em to safety, unless they've got fangs.

Giles: Damn it, man, we have to get inside! Our, um, uh... our families are in there! Our, um, mothers, and tiny, tiny babies!

Riley: Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a... sex way.


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