Buffy: Where's the other one?
Xander: Scampered, like a big bumpy bunny.
Willow: I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin.
Buffy: A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I mean, I know I could take at least two.
Anya: Yes. And then we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck.
Xander: The quick draw is about more than speed. It's also about pointing the stake the right way. And there can be splinter issues.
Buffy: Thanks for doing this, Jonathan. I wouldn't ask, but...
Jonathan: Hey, don't worry about it. Nest full of vampires, you come get me, okay. Box full of puppies, that's more of a judgment call.
Giles: I can't find a reference to any rituals. Seems more like a...family meal, if you will.
Buffy: And they say no one eats without the TV on any more.
Buffy: But I let one get by me.
Jonathan: Don't worry. You know it only matters that you do your best.
Buffy (to herself): But that's just it. I don't think it was my best.
Xander: I think we did great. We knocked them dead...which they already were.
Willow: We knocked them deader.
Anya: They weren't very well organized. If they had all rushed at Buffy, they could have killed her right away.
Buffy: Thanks, Anya. That won't keep me awake all night.
Jonathan: What are you doing here?
Spike: I live here. I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from Wonder Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens.
Buffy: Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?
Spike: Yeah, back off Betty.
Buffy: It's Buffy, you big...bleached...stupid guy.
Willow: I know she's not over the whole Riley sleeping with Faith thing. You know what I mean - Faith's insides in Buffy's outsides, when her insides were out.
Buffy: You're not...
Riley: Not what?
Buffy: Eating The Initiative's technicolor food of strongness?
Buffy: Now, if Slaying was a competitive sport, then I'd have a chance. You know, we could have figure staking, and speed staking.
Buffy: There's no way he could know. I mean, you don't just look at someone and say, "Hey, that's not your body. Get out of that body with your hands up!"
Jonathan: If you really want it, you can make anything happen.
Anya: I did not.
Xander: Last night, with me, you said Jonathan.
Anya: It was a moan.
Xander: Fine, you moaned Jonathan.
Riley: Quite the couple, aren't they?
Buffy: They get into a fistfight; I got a 50 on Anya.
Anya: Xander.
Xander: Yeah.
Anya: Let's go have sex now.
Xander: Yeah. Okay.
Willow: Ha! Buffy, this is Jonathan. You know he doesn't get scared. You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector award at the Prom.
Anya: Xander's not here.
Buffy: Oh.
Anya: You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?
Buffy: Well, I was kind of hoping…to…look….at some of Xander's stuff.
Anya: Oh. Sure. Come in. Make yourself at home. And so on.
Anya: Oh, you're still here. That's nice.
Anya: Hey! I was just at the part where he invented the Internet.
Buffy: He fights better than I do. And I'm the Slayer. The Slayer. That's supposed to mean something, right?
Anya: Oh! Buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill, Kill.
Buffy: Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right?
Anya: Vengeance wishes, on ex-boyfriends. I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley, or something.
Buffy: But someone could wish the whole earth to be different, right? That's possible?
Anya: Sure, alternate realities. You could have, like, a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like, some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
Buffy: I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense. He starred in the Matrix but he never left town. And how'd he graduate from Med school? He's only 18 years old.
Xander: Effective time-management?
Anya: And when is Jonathan going to get here and start the meeting?
Buffy: This is the meeting.
Willow: This is the meeting?
Buffy: I was just kind wondering…if maybe…anyone else thought…that Jonathan…was kind of too perfect?
Xander: No, he's not. He's just perfect enough. He crushed the bones of The Master, he blew up a big snake made out of Mayor and he coached the US women's soccer team to a stunning World Cup victory. We saw him doing those things.
Anya: "I wish there weren't any shrimp," you would say to yourself.
Buffy: Stop you're saying it wrong! I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all like his pawns."
Anya: Or prawns.
Giles: Of course, but I think you might be a little out of your depth.
Buffy: I'm not.
Buffy: Ooh! Wait, I remember something. Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No. Yes. It was a gift.
Spike: Oh, look. Jonathan. Taking the little sidekick out for a walk, are we?
Buffy: Shut up. Spike.
Spike: Ohoho, semi-harsh language from Betty. You're feisty when the big guys standing beside you. Someday, sweet Slayer, I would love to take you on. See you face the evil alone, for once.
Spike: No, but then again, I'm probably lying.
Spike: Hey, what are you doing? You're not supposed to do that.
Riley: These spells...these really work? I mean...can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or...learn to excrete gold coins?
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right. You can't just go...librum incendere and expect...[sets the book on fire]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Willow: But there's a drawback.
Riley: A drawback?
Xander: That happens a lot.
Anya: He created the monster.
Xander: So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?
Giles: Yes.
Xander: That is so cool!
Buffy: Wow. Fall down there and be dead for a while.
Willow: Buffy was right. Buffy was right.
Anya: Doesn't sound very likely, does it?
Willow: Giles, can Buffy do it?
Giles: I honestly don't know. She's never stood alone against something like this.
Buffy: I remember this. This is good.
Anya: Alternate realities are neat.
Xander: Know what I'll always remember?
Riley: The swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind.
Anya: And who really did star in The Matrix?
Riley: Wait, that wasn't real either?
