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 Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Smashed  

Buffy: Wow. A mugging. Haven't gotten one of those in a while. Usually it's blood, and with the horror ... just a good old-fashioned mugging. Kinda sweet actually.

Buffy: Not too sweet for you either, huh? But come on, rush me. It'll be funny.

Buffy: Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher.
Spike: Remind me not to help you.
Buffy: More often?
Spike: Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the migraine here, can we?
Buffy: Well, that's what you get for attacking a human.
Spike: Yeah. You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so I could attack criminals and that sort.
Buffy: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten.

Buffy: Just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons.
Spike: There are other ways.
Buffy: And to that, an extreme 'see you later.'

Andrew: See, that's cool. How come he gets to play with all the cool stuff?
Jonathan: Because I'm allergic to methane and you're still afraid of hot things?
Andrew: I know.
Jonathan: Besides, the tank kept making both of us tip over, remember?

Willow: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.

Buffy: Hi. How've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Buffy: Okay, well, at least, you know, let me make up the, the couch for you? It's late, you should stay here. Everybody does.

Amy: It's crazy, all the things that've happened since I went away.
Buffy: No kidding.
Amy: Snyder got eaten by a snake ... high school got destroyed...
Buffy: Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue.
Amy: See? Head spinning. People getting frozen ... Willow's dating girls ... and did you hear about Tom and Nicole?!

Buffy: Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more.
Spike: But...
Buffy: But... when I kissed you...you know I was thinking about Giles, right?
Spike: You know, I always wondered about you two.
Buffy: What? Oh, gross, Spike!

Anya: Oh, for crying out loud. This is bizarre. You're all, 'la la la!' with, with the magic, and the not talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you. Except me. Is this that thing I do that you were commenting-

Spike: Help me out here, Spock, I don't speak loser.

Spike: Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with her.

Willow: I know. Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: It's just so weird. So what's she like?
Willow: Thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
Amy: Well, that's so his type.

Anya: Let's face it, we're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds.
Buffy: Well, maybe he doesn't eat them. You know, maybe he just ... thinks they're pretty.

Buffy: We suck.
Xander: We need new brains.

Spike: Slayer.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: Bloody hell. Yes, it's me.
Buffy: You're ... calling me on the phone?
Spike: Just be there.
Buffy: Why? Are you ... helping again? You have a lead on this frost monster thingie?
Spike: Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work.
Buffy: What?! No, no-no grunting!
Spike: I was talking shop, luv, but if you got other ideas ... you, me, cozy little tomb with a view...

Xander: So, what did Captain Peroxide want?

Anya: Yeah, even the ones that weren't so boring you wanted to kill yourself.
Xander: We have those?

Buffy: I don't know. You know, I'll do a quick patrol tonight, and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow.
Anya: Optimism. I remember optimism.
Xander: That's because you're like a thousand.

Spike: Guess what I just found out. Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart.
Buffy: How?
Spike: Don't you get it? Don't you see? You came back wrong.

Buffy: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?

Buffy: Your job is to kill the Slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.
Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me ... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?
Spike: Hello! Vampire! I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?


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