Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Wesley: Bitch. Not you. Obviously.

Cordelia: Well, if it's any consolation, it really does look like you were tortured by a much larger woman.

Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?

Wesley: Won't she find it difficult enjoying delicious jelly-filled donuts, if she is, one assumes, bound and gagged?

Wesley: I do not, however, understand why the woman who brutally tortured me last night, this morning gets pastries.

Angel: It wasn't too long ago that you were the one making the case for her rehabilitation.
Wesley: It wasn't too long ago I had full feeling in my right arm.

Wesley: There is evil in that girl, Angel.

Angel: He'll come around.
Cordelia: Wesley? Sure. People always get a little funny right after they've been sadistically tortured. Well, you'd know.

Angel: Paid vacation?
Cordelia: Like I'm gonna stick around here while psycho case is roaming loose downstairs, with three tons of medieval weaponry. Not! Oh, and I was thinking, suger high, maybe not a great idea.

Kendrick: Oh, come on, Kate. Everybody knows you've gone all Scully. Anytime one of these weird cases crosses any one's desk, you're always there. What's going on with you?
Kate: Scully's the skeptic.
Kendrick: Huh?
Kate: Mulder's the believer, Scully's the skeptic.
Kendrick: Scully's the chick, right?
Kate: Yes.

Council Guy: That was a nasty business back in Sunnydale. But nobody blames you.
Wesley: Really? Because I rather got the impression they did when they sacked me.

Wesley: She cleaned your clocks, didn't she?

Faith: So, how does this work?
Angel: There's no real simple answer to that. I won't lie to you, and tell you it'll be easy, cause it won't be. Just because you decided to change, doesn't mean the world's ready for you to. The truth is, no matter how much you suffer, no matter how many good deeds you do to try and make up for the past, you may never balance out the cosmic scale. The only thing I can promise you, is that you'll probably be haunted, and maybe for the rest of your life.
Faith: [Touches the microwave] So, how does this work?

Faith: How do you say "Gee, really sorry that I tortured you nearly to death?"
Angel: Well, first off, I think I'd leave off the "Gee."

Faith: I gotta be the first Slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.

Angel: Faith, this isn't about Buffy.
Faith: All my life, there was only one person who tried to be my friend, who went out of their way when I had no right or reason to expect her to and I screwed her...not to mention her boyfriend - only him, literally.
Angel: Faith, you and I never...
Faith: Not you...the new one.

Wesley: I have some conditions of my own. Just one actually. No harm must come to the vampire.
Weatherby: Oh, don't be a ponce.

Buffy: Giles heard...that she tried to kill you.
Angel: That's true.
Buffy: So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling?

Buffy: No. No chance. Jail.

Buffy: You apologize to me, I will beat you to death.

Angel: She's not going to run, Buffy.
Buffy: Well, why would she? When she has her brave knight to protect her? What got you? Did she cry, pouty lips, heaving bosom?

Buffy: You hit me.
Angel: Not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first.

Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "help" in a loud voice.

Buffy: I'm sorry, I can't be in your club. I've never murdered anybody.

Wesley: Angel, it wasn't for her.
Angel: I know.
Wesley: It's because I trust you. Well...more than three gun toting maniacs at any rate.

Faith: What do you wanna do? You gonna throw me off the roof? Again?

Angel: That's great. It's nice...you moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.

Angel: For a taciturn shadowy guy, I got a big mouth.

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