Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Adam (to Riley): You see, we are brothers, after all.
Spike: Warms the cockles of my non-beating heart, seeing you lads together.

Adam: I didn't send for you, Spike.
Spike: Yeah, well...I'm not much the being-sent-for type. I'm much more the "I did my part, now get this chip out of my head" kind of guy.

Spike: Slightly stiffer than usual. Subtle, but I like it. What's with him?
Adam: I activated his chip.
Spike: Oh, so it's chips all around, is it? Someone must have bought the party-pack.

Adam: The witch.
Spike: Willow. About so high, perky. Good with math. Natural choice.
Adam: Her friend.
Spike: Right.
Adam: One of the friends from whom you've so efficiently separated her.
Spike: Damn right I did. You should've seen 'em. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long-- Hang on. I think I might have detected a small flaw.

Spike: Okay, let's not quibble about who failed who. The important thing is making sure the Slayer is where we want...
Adam: Go.
Spike: Gone.

Spike: So, um, we'll do this chip thing when I get back.

Giles: Pardon the robe, it's a bit of a late start.
Willow: Right.
Tara: Hope you're feeling all right, Mr. Giles.
Giles: Oh, yes, quite well, thank you. Yes, I'll probably have a brisk jog later on.

Giles: Will you be working here, you know, typing, talking? Because that will be fine.

Anya: Xander. You said you wanted to check the board at the unemployment office this morning. You can't go like that. They won't even interview you if you're naked.

Xander: Maybe I should join the Army.
Anya: Don't they make you get up really early in the morning?
Xander: Oh, yeah. Never mind.

Anya: So they all think you're a lost, directionless loser with no plans for the future. Pfft!
Xander: Anya, you can't "Pfft!" that stuff away.
Anya: Why not?
Xander: I don't know.

Anya: You're a good person and a good boyfriend, and...and I'm in love with you.

Adam: This is all how she planned it. Except she thought she would be alive.

Riley: Forrest. Oh, god.
Forrest: God has nothing to do with it.

Spike (to Buffy): Easy, sheriff. Look where you point that thing.

Spike: Look at little Nancy Drew.

Willow: It must be programmed to self-decrypt at a certain point. That is so annoying! It's like somebody blurting out the answer to a riddle just when you've-- I mean, yippee! We have the information.
Tara: I don't know if "yippee" is the right response, either. Read that.

Buffy: Where's Anya?
Xander: Oddly, Anya decided not to join us despite the fun we had at our last meeting.

Giles: Well, uh, Spike can be very convincing when-when-when... I'm very stupid.
Buffy: That's where it came from, the stuff we said the other night.
Giles: Of course. Well, piffle, let's move on.
Xander: I'm moving.
Willow: Me, too.
Buffy: Good. Great.

Willow: So...why do you think Spike made with the head games?
Xander: He's all dressed up with no one to bite. He's got to get his yayas somehow.

Xander: Spike's working for Adam?!? After all we've done-- Nah, I can't even act surprised.

Willow: Oh, I decrypted them! Well, they decrypted themselves, but I almost had it.

Buffy: Adam fed Spike those disks. It has to be. He wanted me to know about his evil guy assembly line.

Xander: Demons versus soldiers. Massacre, massacre.
Willow: And Adam has a neat pile of body parts to start assembling his army. Diabolical yet.. gross.
Xander: Does anybody else miss the Mayor "I just wanna be a big snake"?

Xander: He's not worried you might kill, oh, say, him?
Buffy: No. He's really not.

Adam: She's coming. I can feel it.
Spike: Good on you. Got a hunk of prognosticating demon in there, right?

Spike: Now, if you'll just get the chip out of my cranium, I'll be out of your way. And mind the hairline. I don't fancy fussing with a comb-over once I've resumed my killing ways.

Xander: Xander: Great, so we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery.
Willow: What about magic? Some kind of, I don't know, uranium-extracting spell?
[Everyone looks at her.]
Willow: I know, I'm reaching.

Giles: Perhaps a paralyzing spell. Only I can't perform the incantation for this.
Willow: Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?
Giles: I do speak Sumerian.

Xander: See what you get for taking French instead of Sumerian?
Buffy: What was I thinking?

Xander: So, no problem, all we need is combo-Buffy. Her with Slayer-strength, Giles' multilingual know-how, and Willow's witchy-power. Yeah, don't tell me, I'm just full of helpful suggestions.
Giles: As a matter of fact, you are.

Willow: Nervous?
Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit.
Giles: Xander, just because this is never going to work, there's no need to be negative.

Buffy: How you doing?
Willow: Super. What was I thinking, using stairs all this time?

Willow: It's not your fault. Spike stirred up trouble.
Buffy: Yeah, but I think trouble was stir-upable.

Willow: Oh, I love you too! Oh, falling now...

Buffy: Xander!
Willow: Oh, wonderful Xander!
Buffy: You know we love you, right?
Willow: We totally do.
Xander: Oh, god, we're gonna die, aren't we?
Willow: No, we just missed you.
Xander: Giles, hurry up! You definitely want to get down here for this!

Spike: It's must-see TV. Bait's been taken, trap's all set. Slayer has landed. So, one chiporectomy, please. Hello? Paging Mr. Owe-Me-One.
Adam: She's not alone. You failed me again.
Spike: Well, that's one way of looking at it.
Adam: What's the other way?

Colonel: You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government installation, brandishing weapons like... like...
Willow: It's a gourd.
Giles: Magic gourd.
Colonel: What kind of freaks are you people?

Colonel: Incapacitate him with as much voltage as we can muster.
Xander: Great plan. That's right up there with "duck and cover."
Buffy: I've seen Adam hit with taser blasts. He feeds on it. And now, you're going to provide him with an all-you-can-eat buffet?

Willow: According to this, there's air ducts and electrical conduits all running into there.
Buffy: So?
Willow: So there's no "there" there.

Xander: Demon open house.
Buffy: Great. So we know we're going to 314. Now all we have to do is get there.

Buffy: Is this place okay to be magic central?
Giles: It should do.
Willow: As long as we don't get all blowed up or nothin'.
Xander: What are the odds of that?

Xander: Buffy, I still don't like you going alone.
Buffy: I won't be.

Buffy: I've never really been one to toe the line.
Adam: Oh. Kill her.
Buffy: Fun, isn't it?
Adam: I do appreciate violence.
Buffy: Good.

Buffy: Broke your arm.
Adam: Got another. I've been upgrading.

Adam: How can you...?
UberBuffy: You can never hope to grasp the source of our power. But yours is right here.

Spike: Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?
Giles: Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all.
Xander: You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here.
Spike: Well, yeah. Did it work? ... Well, then everything's all right. And we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team!

Riley: We still got men out there.
Spike: Well, let's go save 'em, by gum.

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