Laugh Lines, Love Lines

I Fall to Pieces  

Cordelia: I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons. But I need a raise.
Doyle: A raise? You've been working for him for, what, 20 minutes?
Cordelia: A month. And I have needs.
Doyle: Needs?
Cordelia: A person... needs... certain... designer... things.
Doyle: Personally, I don't think you need much in the way of clothes.

Doyle: He likes playing the hero. Walking off into the dark, his long coat flowing behind him in that mysterious and attractive way.
Cordelia: Is this a private moment? Cuz I could leave you alone.
Doyle: I'm not saying I'm attracted...

Cordelia: We're going to stand up to him.
Doyle: We're standing up.
Cordelia: Just as soon as he's had his coffee.

Angel: What is this?
Cordelia: Last week's coffee. Think of it as... espresso!
Angel: I think my esophagus is melting.

Angel: I'm not comfortable asking people for money.
Cordelia: Then get over it!...I mean that in sensitive way.

Doyle: Maybe I'm a little attracted.

Angel: Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?
Cordelia: Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black look.

Cordelia: You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard.

Cordelia: Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless.

Cordelia: She's coming in.
Angel: I gotta change my shirt.

Angel: We're gonna help you.
Cordelia: Big time. And for a reasonable fee!

Cordelia: Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural, you know.
Angel: Not everything, but Doyle had a vision.
Cordelia: Which last time led to a sex-changing, body-switching, tear-out-your-innards demon, right. I guess they don't call you for the everyday cases.

Cordelia: Okay, flesh. Anytime you want to stop crawling is okay with me.

Kate: So, judging by your uncomfortableness I would say you're either about to ask me out on a date or you need a favor.

Doyle: Oh no, no. I've got the word jumble right here. It'll keep me occupied. Sadly, for most of the day.

Kate: Wolfram & Hart, you know the name?
Angel: I've heard it.
Kate: They're the law firm Johnny Cochran is too ethical to join.

Cordelia: What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most popular sport among men?
Angel: Fourth, after luge.

Cordelia: This guy has a lot to lose. What is it about Melissa that's got him going all O.J. here?

Cordelia: Ugh! What a fun date you must have been back in your Bad Vamp Days. On the other hand, it should give you some insight into the jerks of the world.

Cordelia: Did you steal this book?
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: Good.

Doyle: You got any prints?
Angel: Yeah.
Doyle: Good, so we can put him behind bars... for about 90 seconds, until he skitters through 'em. Not a lot of things make me shudder. But this guy? Crawling around under the covers? At least it was just his hands down there... I wish I hadn't even thought that.

Doyle: Whoa!
Cordelia: I was just trying to fix your collar.
Doyle: What say we leave it crooked until this thing is resolved.

Angel: You don't have to be afraid.
Melissa: You're just duct-taping me in for fun?

Cordelia: Steel boxes? Why would you want... oh. For packing up people parts. You know, this job. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have it, god knows it's educational and all, but sometimes...

Cordelia: What did you put in her tea?
Doyle: Enough whiskey to drop my Aunt Judy. And that woman had some girth.

Cordelia: Either you like them, and they don't like you. Or you can't stand them, which just guarantees that they're going to hover around and never go away.
Doyle: I hate guys like that.

Cordelia: It's just so unfair. I mean, this poor girl, she hooks up with a doctor. That should be a good thing. You should be able to call home and say "Mom, guess what? I met a doctor" not "Guess what I met a psycho who's stalking me, and oh, by the way, his hands and feet come off, and he's not even in the circus."

Cordelia: What if Angel doesn't come back?
Doyle: Ah, he'll be back.
Cordelia: What if Dr. Chopped Salad shows up before he does?

Melissa: Angel's right. You're weak.
Ronald: I'm weak? Then how is it I killed him?
Angel: Inefficiently.

Ronald: You can't be alive! You're not human!
Melissa: You should talk.

Cordelia: Oh goody, recycled coffee. My personal favorite.

Angel: He's in 12 steel boxes buried in 20 cubic feet of concrete in L.A.'s newest subway stop.
Doyle: That ought to bring in the tourists.

Melissa: I brought this for you guys.
[hands Angel a plant]
Angel: Hope it doesn't need light.

Cordelia: See? You can save a damsel and make decent money. Is this a great country or what!?

Doyle: Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty.
Angel: You guys go on. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames.
Doyle: Oh, right, you're pretty much the night deposit guy.

Doyle: Well, still, cause to celebrate.
Cordelia: You think everything's a cause to celebrate.

Cordelia: We need more of these.
Doyle: We'll have more soon enough.
Cordelia: Well, we need them now. Have a vision.
Doyle: I just can't perform on demand.
Cordelia: We need the clients. Have a vision.
Doyle: That money's corrupted you.
Cordelia: If I hit you in the head, will you have a vision?
Doyle: Get away from me -- you're insane!

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