Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Buffy: And they say one person can't make a difference.

Buffy: Oh. Very manly. Not at all Village People.

Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: Not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice...with pie.

Anya: I'm imagining having sex with him again.
Buffy: Imaginary Xander's quite the machine.

Buffy: It is a sham. But...it's a sham with yams. It's a yam-sham.

Willow: Ooh! We could not invite Anya.

Anya: I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon. You look like you're getting all of them.
Xander: Okay, I'll stay. But you should go. You could catch it.
Anya: We'll die together. It's romantic. Let me get your trousers off.
Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I'm a girlfriend?
Xander: There's a chance I'm delirious.
Anya: Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far, I like it.

Giles: Now, this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the cleanup.
Buffy: How bout that ceremonial knife, huh? Pretty juicy piece of clueage, dont'cha think?

Willow: Angel! Evil! Are you evil again?
Angel: No! I'm not evil.

Willow: Hey, is Cordelia really working for you? I mean, cause that's gotta be a...special experience. Of all the people you coulda hired...
Angel: Willow, I'm here to protect Buffy. I don't have a whole lot of time for personal stuff.
Willow: Right. Well, how can I help?
Angel: Well, if...if you can...just tell me...who's that guy?

Harmony (to Spike): I'm powerful, and I'm beautiful, and I don't need you to complete me. And you're mean!

Spike: Can I have someone to eat?

Giles: Oh! Right, yes yes. Um...always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials'.

Buffy: I like my evil like I like my men. Evil! You know, straight up black-hat-tie-you-to-the-train-tracks-soon-my-electro-ray-will-destroy-Metropolis bad!

Willow: They were fluffy indigenous kittens until we came along.

Giles: No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder.

Willow: You mean...Angel? I saw him too.
Giles: Well, that's not terribly stealthy of him.
Willow: I think he's lost his edge.

Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.

Xander: Happy Thanksgiving.
Willow: Xander!
Giles: You look like death.
Willow: Are you okay?
Buffy: You didn't bring any rolls?

Willow: It lists the various--
Xander: Various? As in...?
Willow: Oh, well, the important thing is not to panic.
Xander: Well, you just recited the mystical panic causing incantation, so little hope there. Let's talk about the various.
Willow: Well, they did suffer from malaria, some smallpox...
Anya: I was gonna say smallpox.
Willow: You know, syphilis. But basically, standard sort of stuff.

Xander: Hey, can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis?

Xander: To slaying him? Well, the representative from syphilis votes yay.

Spike: Look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell them what I did.
Willow: You said you were gonna kill me then Buffy.
Spike: Yes, bad...but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you.
Willow: It's true. He had trouble performing.

Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.

Spike: Bloody hell, woman. You're cutting off my circulation.
Buffy: You don't have any circulation.
Spike: Well, it pinches.

Spike: I came to you in friendship - well, alright - seething hatred but I've got useful information and I feel I'm being mistreated.

Spike: Oh! Someone put a stake in me.
Xander: You got a lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians! You won! Alright? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did and he's not going around saying "I came, I conquered, I feel really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends - you had better weapons and you massacred them. End of story.

Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here, take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but some of that made sense.
Giles: I made a lot of these points earlier, but no, it's fine, no one listens to me.

Anya: I'll go.
Xander: Me too.
Buffy: Are you sure you're up to it?
Spike: Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute and I think I can eat someone if they're already dead.
Xander: I'm sure.

Spike: Do you know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?
Giles: I always wondered about that actually...
Spike: Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries...only not half as funny.

Spike: Do you know what has blood in it? Blood.

Xander: Angel?
Anya: So this is Angel. He's large and glowery, isn't he?
Xander: He's evil again!
Angel: I'm not evil again. Why does everybody think that?
Willow: Angel's here to protect Buffy.
Angel: I haven't been evil for a long time.

Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

Spike: Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. But me? An entire siege - you'd think one of you'd bleed a little.

Spike: What happened? Did we win?

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