Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Out of My Mind  

Buffy: Spike, what are you doing here?
Spike: Same reason as you and your Cub Scout here, I wager. Wanted a spot of violence before bedtime.

Spike: And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?

Spike: Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy is entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow.

Buffy: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say.

Buffy: You threw that vampire like he was a teeny-weeny little vampire.
Riley: Hey, you want to go again? Come on, I bet this place is just teeming with aerodynamic vampires.

Willow: Look at us - we're arguing! We're having a debate about a college lecture. I have dreamt of this day since... forever.

Buffy: Don't worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family.

Buffy: I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work.

Buffy: I thought it was gonna be like in the movies -- you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, 'cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe.
Willow: Aw, poor Buffy's brain.

Xander: Yeah, blueprints, not a bad idea. That and getting straight, "measure twice, cut once." You know, for the longest time, I had it backwards. Messy.

Anya: Who put the monkey head near the Styx water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?

Willow: I feel like a witch in a magic shop! Ooh, are these real newt eyes?
Giles: No, too rich for my blood, I'm afraid. No, these are salamander eyes. It's the cataracts which gives them their newt-like appearance. They're really equally effective, though. It's just a matter of overcoming snobbery.
Xander: I'm telling you, Giles. You've got to set up a blind taste-test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good.

Xander: I'm the dummy man! I mean, I made the dummy.

Buffy: You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all rolled up into one. Q from Bond, not Star Trek.

Spike (watching TV): Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?

Spike (skeptical): Buffy's looking for you?
Harmony: Of course! That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis.

Spike: Taking up smoking, are you?
Harmony: I am a villain, Spike, hellooooo!

Buffy: Hey, I have the endurance of ten men.
Riley: Let's make it women, okay? Just for the imagery.

Joyce (to Dawn): You want the cereal prize, but you don't want the cereal. You are growing up.

Willow: What about a crossword? Some people say feed a cold, I say puzzle it.

Joyce: I feel silly lying here like a lump.
Willow: You can make a game out of it. A very quiet game about being a lump.

Buffy: It's so unfair. I mean, i-it's like Big Brother can spy on you all the time, and-and the second I have something to say, no one will listen!
Dawn (muttering): Sounds more like Big Sister.

Graham: What's goin' on, man? You gotta get this taken care of immediately. We gotta get you into an operating room.
Riley: Very convincing. Makes me completely wanna put myself under government control. Please take me where they can make me unconscious and naked.

Anya: I care about you, Xander.
Xander: Thanks.
Anya: Don't be insecure.
Xander: Thanks. I won't.

Buffy: You know what else he might find homey, in a dank, unpleasant, evil sort of way? The Initiative caves.

Giles: We do have an associate who knows those caves like the back of his melanin-deprived hand.

Buffy: The guy's really starting to bug me in that special "I want to shove something wooden through his heart" kind of way.

Spike: Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Four left.
Spike: So it's smaller than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Only three.
Spike: Harmony, is it a sodding breadbox?

Spike: Oh dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die?

Spike: Little performance anxiety, eh, doc? Butterflies in the old belly? Harm, do us a favor. Shoot the nasty butterflies for the good doctor.

Tara: How'd you do that with the light?
Willow: Oh, you know, you taught me.
Tara: I taught you a teeny tinkerbell light.
Willow: Okay, so I tinkered with the tinkerbell.

Riley: Come on, your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian.

Buffy: Do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike.... Riley, I need you. I need you with me... and I need you healthy. But if you wanna throw it all away because you don't trust me, then... then I'm still gonna make you go to that doctor.

Riley: Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done, Buffy.
Buffy: I don't know why.

Harmony: Wow, Spikey, how does it feel?
Spike: Like someone's cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint.

Harmony: Do you know what it means that he can't hurt any living thing? It means that he can't even pick flowers.
Spike: What?! Yes, I can.

Spike: Harmony, if your incessant prattling bollixes up this operation, I'm gonna personally rip out your pink and wriggly tongue.

Spike: Bathe in the Slayer's blood. I've gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke.

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there. That nasty little face, that bouncing, shampoo-commercial hair. That whole holier-than-thou attitude.
Harmony: Well, aren't we kind of unholy by definition...

Quotes Index  

Laugh Lines, Love Lines is a rusted-crush.com production. This completely unofficial, fan-run website is a display of admiration, and we gratefully acknowledge the sources that have helped make this site and this layout possible. No infringement of any kind is intended. Got questions? Check the F.A.Q for F.G.A (Frequently Given Answers).