Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Lovers Walk  

Willow: This is a nightmare. This is... My world is spinning.
Xander: It's not that bad, Willow, really.
Willow: 740? Verbal?! I'm-I'm... pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel.

Oz: That was my sarcastic voice.
Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Oz: I've been told that.

Oz: I don't think they make a werewolf PEZ. You might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog.

Buffy: Giles, you pack like me.

Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded.
Giles: I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?

Willow: It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental...
Xander: You're turned on by rented shoes?
Willow: That's not the issue.

Joyce: That's not it. It's just you belong at a, a good old-fashioned college with, with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires. The microwave beeps.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

Mayor Wilkins: I'm just funning. So, we have a Spike problem, do we?
Allan: He's been spotted back in town. And there was an incident at a magic shop in broad daylight. Police had a hell of a time covering it up.
Mayor Wilkins: Well, yes, y'know, he was up to all sorts of shenanigans last year. We had a world of fun trying to guess what he'd do next.
Allan: I remember.

Buffy: Thanks for the advice. It's another perspective to consider.
Angel: Where are you going? You just got here. It's early.
Buffy: Yeah, well, my mom starts worrying a lot earlier these days. I'll stop by soon.

Xander: Whoa! It smells like church in here. No, wait... Evil church.

Spike: She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?

Spike: It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. God, I'm so unhappy!

Buffy: Yeah, either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe...
Cordelia: You're having too many ors! Pick one!

Spike: No, this is different. Our love was eternal. Literally.

Angel: Spike.
Joyce: Oh, my God. Get out of here!
Spike: Yeah. You're not invited.
Joyce: He's crazy. He'll kill us.
Spike: Not while I breathe. Well, actually, I don't breathe.
Angel: Joyce, listen to me.
Joyce: You get out of this house, or I will stake you myself.
Spike: You're a very bad man.
Angel: Joyce, you can't trust him. Invite me in. You touch her, and I'll cut your head off!
Spike: Yeah? You and what army?
Buffy: That would be me. Angel, why don't you come on in?

Spike: Doesn't work like that, peaches. And when did you become all soul-having again? I thought you outgrew that.

Cordelia: Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Spike: Oh... My head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Oh, God. I wish I was dead.
Buffy: Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard...

Spike: I used to bring her rats. With the morning paper.
Buffy: Great. More moping. That's gonna get her back.
Spike: The spell's gonna get her back.
Angel: Lot of trouble for somebody who doesn't even care about you.
Spike: Shut your gob!
Angel: She really is just kind of fickle.

Spike: What do you know? It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me. I'm nothing without her.
Buffy: That I'll have to agree with. You're pathetic, you know that? You're not even a loser anymore, you're a shell of a loser.
Spike: Yeah. You're one to talk.
Buffy: Meaning?
Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh, yeah. You're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood...blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Willow: Drusilla broke up with him.
Xander: Gee, and we had all hoped those crazy kids would make it work.

Xander: So what are our options?
Willow: Well, I figure either... I refuse to do the spell and he kills us, or I do the spell and he kills us.
Xander: Give me a third option.
Willow: He's so drunk he forgets about us, and we starve to death. That's sort of the best one.

Spike: This should be a kick.
Buffy: I violently dislike you.

Spike: Oh, yeah. You two. Just friends. No danger there.

Spike: I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again.

Spike: Love's a funny thing.

Angel: Hey. I was wondering when you were coming.
Buffy: I'm not coming back. We're not friends. We never were. And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you anymore. So I'm gonna go.
Angel: I don't accept that.
Buffy: You have to.
Angel: How can...There's gotta be some way we can still see each other.
Buffy: There is: tell me that you don't love me.

Quotes Index  

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