Joyce: Listen, you two, I know this creamed spinach is pretty delicious, but I promise I won't be offended if you go out for some real food.
Buffy: Are you kidding me? This is the good life. Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays.
Dawn: I like the jell-o.
Joyce: Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Dawn: It's good and wiggly. There's a girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground up cows feet, and that if you eat jell-o there's some cows that are limping with no feet, but I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet... right?
Buffy (to Joyce): You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk.
Buffy: Waiting? Give me a break. We got tons to do.
Dawn: We have soap operas to watch, and trashy magazines to read.
Buffy: And an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone can keep me busy for four hours or so.
Xander: Hey, human chest, human chest!
Giles: Sorry.
Giles: Oh my god, what a rough night.
Willow: Ha haa! I just did two of 'em! Yay on me. That was pretty cool. Except the part where I was all terrified, and now my knees are all dizzy.
Willow: Oh, piffle, who needs him when I'm dusting two at a ti--Whoops. Maybe it would have been good if he had showed up.
Willow: Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger, and female, and, well, Jewish.
Willow: This is an extra special gift for your mom that I know she'll need: a beer hat!
Willow: And somehow, when I was in the store, this seemed like the most important idea, and now there's the whole part where I'm crazy.
Buffy: You got her a book on spells? The girl who can break things by just looking at them, now has a book to teach her to... break things by looking at 'em?
Willow: Buffy, I have this for you.
Buffy: Homework? Ehh... I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa anymore.
Willow: She'll be all normal all the time.
Dawn: Is that right?
Buffy: Hey, Santa doesn't lie.
Willow: You know what's weird?
Tara: Japanese commercials are weird.
Willow: You know, I used to love to look up at them when I was little. They're supposed to make you feel all insignificant, but they made me feel like... like I was in space, part of the stars.
Joyce: I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change.
Buffy: I'm sure someone's on-- What? The push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?
Riley: Heard I missed out on some fun.
Xander: Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hi-jinks.
Riley: No, it's not hot, it's warm. And broken. And sort of...
Giles: Hollow?
Riley: Yeah.
Anya: So, we're all thinking the same thing, right?
Xander: Festive piñata? Delicious candy?
Willow: Something evil crashed to Earth in this, and then broke out and slithered away to do badness.
Giles: In all fairness, we don't really know about the "slithered" part.
Anya: Oh, no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
Riley: No pulse.
Anya: Yep, the space lamb got him.
Riley: That might be toxic. Don't touch it.
Xander: Oh, yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily, I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell.
Willow: So, we'll just figure this out ourselves. We're experienced.
Anya: Yes, 'cause it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space... except that we don't ever do that.
Giles: Perhaps we should explore a bit more. Head into the woods a bit.
Xander: Who votes research?
Anya: Me.
Willow: Research.
Giles: Much better idea.
Riley: Yeah, I think that's a good call.
Riley: Believe me, something jumps out at me in the dark, you'll hear me even without the phone.
Willow: I don't want to be the one that finds the bodies anymore.
Xander: Look at how teeny Mercury is, compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name...
Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot demon.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot demon from outer space. I did not say that.
Giles: Demons enter our world in all sorts of different ways. This one came from above.
Xander: And the university library's astronomy section is the home of aboveness. Got it.
Giles: Well, then, it would appear that the world is not being invaded.
Tara: I'm pretty pleased about that.
Willow: Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow.
Xander: Hmm, maybe with a chewy demon center, like ours.
Giles: As if something emerged from the meteors, and quelled the madmen.
Xander: Meteor go boom, crazy guy go bye-bye.
Buffy: What the hell are you doing in my house?
Spike: Right, then... caught me. Your basement's full of junk, and me being in need of... junk...
Buffy: You were stealing?
Spike: Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I?
Buffy: Wait-- are those pictures of me??
Joyce: No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe, that you'll love her like I love you.
Buffy: I promise.
Laugh Lines, Love Lines is a rusted-crush.com production. This completely unofficial, fan-run website is a display of admiration, and we gratefully acknowledge the sources that have helped make this site and this layout possible. No infringement of any kind is intended. Got questions? Check the F.A.Q for F.G.A (Frequently Given Answers).