Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Life Serial  

Willow: I'm a breast girl myself. But, then again, you knew that.

Buffy: Um, so I-I was thinking about re-enrolling, but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being dead and all.

Willow: You'll like Mike.
Buffy: You call your teacher Mike? Boy, school sure has changed since my day.

Buffy: Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking.

Buffy: Well, I appreciate it. Muchly. You saved me from having to accept Giles' offer to work at the Magic Box. I mean, retail? Yeee. I'd rather be dead. Again.

Buffy: No. Oh, well, he implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I was imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I, I ... could have been blacking out, but ... there was this thing on my sweater, you know? And then it just, blew away, or went poof. Maybe it was lint. Maybe it was evil lint.
Xander: Okay, first tip of the day. When I introduce you to Tony the foreman? You might wanna leave out stuff about blacking out and evil lint.

Andrew: Why is the Slayer here anyway? She's a student, she's a construction worker, and ... now she's some kind of ... selling stuff person?
Warren: It's like she's completely without focus. Should we check the other channels for free cable porn?

Jonathan: Stop touching my magic bone!

Warren: Wha, uh, what'd you do, enchant the hand thing?
Jonathan: Uh, well, not exactly. I made it so she had to satisfy a customer with a task that resists solving. Maybe I shoulda done more.
Andrew: Like what?
Jonathan: I don't know. Like make her kind of itchy?

Anya: Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do, just picture yourself naked.

Andrew: I just hope she solves it faster than Data did on the ep of TNG where the Enterprise kept blowing up.
Warren: Or Mulder, in that X-Files where the bank kept exploding.
Andrew: Scully wants me so bad.

Buffy: Life is stupid.

Spike: You're a creature of the darkness. Like me. Try on my world. See how good it feels.
Buffy: Are there drinks in your world?

Spike: Come on, someone's gotta stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it! What, you thought I was just gonna let that lie there?

Andrew: We are really super-villains now, like ... like Dr. No.
Warren: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent.
Jonathan: Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
Warren: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
Andrew: I like Timothy Dalton!

Spike: You wanna fight? You face the two of us.
Buffy: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your right to gamble for kittens! Which, by the way, is stupid currency.

Buffy: Be free, kittens!

Buffy: Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker.

Andrew: The Slayer touched you.
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists.

Giles: In this scenario, I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?

Quotes Index  

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