Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Dawn: But he's new. He doesn't know his strength. He might not know all those fancy martial arts skills they inevitably seem to pick up.

Buffy: Never forget it. It doesn't matter how well-prepped you are or well-armed you are. You're a little girl.
Dawn: Woman.
Buffy: Little woman.
Dawn: I'm taller than you!

Dawn: Yeah, I planned to get killed, come back as a vampire, and bite you.

Willow: Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. Complete mystery to me.

Giles: You know we can't. This isn't a hobby or an addiction. It's inside you now, this magick. You're responsible for it.

Willow: When you brought me here, I thought it was to kill me. Or to lock me in some mystical dungeon for all eternity here, with the torture. Instead you go all Dumbledore on me. I'm learning about magick, all about energy and Gaia and root systems.
Giles: Do you want to be punished?
Willow: I want to be Willow.

Buffy: You're going to be late.
Dawn: I'm comfortable with that.

Buffy: You're unconscionably spiffy.
Xander: Client meeting. How exactly do you make cereal?
Buffy: Ah. You put the box near the milk. I saw it on the Food Channel.

Buffy: My sister's about to go to the same high school that tried to kill me for three years. I can't change districts, I can't afford private school, and I can't begin to prepare for what could possibly come out of there. So... peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.

Dawn: Hey. Check out Double-O Xander.

Dawn: So the principal's evil?
Buffy: Or in a boatload of danger.
Xander: Well, the last two principals were eaten. Who'd even apply for that job?

Buffy: And stay away from hyena people or any lizardy-type athletes. Or if you see anyone that's invisible--
Dawn: Hey, Buffy, I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going to see anybody that's invisible.
Buffy: You know, you could still drop out. Only nerds finish high school.

Buffy: You didn't really think she's my... it's my hair. I have mom hair.

Dawn: I know! You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook.

Halfrek: D'Hoffryn, the Lower Beings... they're all feeling the heat. Something's rising-- something older than the Old Ones-- and everybody's tail is twitching. This is a bad time to be a good guy.
Anya: What is this, an intervention? Shouldn't all my demon friends be here?
Halfrek: Sweetie... they are.

Buffy: I think I may have destroyed Dawn's social life in all of about thirty seconds but apart from that, no.
Xander: Ah, being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books.

Giles: The Hellmouth.
Willow: It's going to open. It's going to swallow us all.

Dawn: And, Buffy? Isn't this reception amazing? I'm in the frickin' basement!

Buffy: Again, wrong sister. I'm the one that dates dead guys. And no offense but they were hotties. I mean, I'm sure you had a great personality...

Spike: Nobody comes in here. It's just the three of us.

Buffy: What did you do?
Spike: I tried... I tried to cut it out.

Buffy: So far, to piss me off.
Dawn: Please tell me it's working.

Dawn: You really weren't kidding about this place. I guess it hasn't changed.
Buffy: I don't know. It seems smaller.

Wood: What, you're serious? You did hear the part about the money, right?
Buffy: Yeah, I heard. My schedule might be a little funtastic but I'll work it out. I'd like to keep an eye on this place.
Wood: Well, that's great! Look at that. It's not even noon and I've already bullied my first family member into helping out. I'm going to be the best principal ever.

Mayor Wilkins: So what'd you think? You'd get your soul back and everything would be Jim Dandy? A soul's slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think I sold mine? Well, you probably thought that you'd be your own man and I respect that. But you never will.

Master: Right back to the beginning. Not the Bang, not the Word. The true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride and I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck... if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you. Tried to do what's right. Just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. Not about wrong.

Buffy: It's about power.

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