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 Laugh Lines, Love Lines

I Was Made to Love You  

Buffy: Spike! Spike wants me, how obscene is that?
Giles: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...
Buffy: I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty.
Giles: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!"

Buffy: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. Are you okay?
Xander: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
Buffy: Do you wanna sit down?
Xander: I'm not that bendy. I could lean.

Xander: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.
Buffy: Xander, that's ... aw!
Xander: This is the day you choose to hug me?

Buffy: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.
Dawn: Was that five, or four and a half?
Joyce: So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?
Dawn: I like it.
Joyce: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?
Dawn: Oh. That was why I liked it.
Buffy: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." Oh, wait, that's not really good either.

Joyce: Oh god. What time is it?
Buffy: 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are.
Dawn: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny?

Buffy: Oh, no. Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.

Tara: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?
Anya: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."
Tara: I go online sometimes, but...everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's... depressing.

Anya: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
Tara: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?
Anya: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.

Tara: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?
Anya: I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me.

Buffy: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.
Xander: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin.

Anya: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.
Tara: Very nice of you.
Willow: A good deed.
Anya: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now.

Anya: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.
Xander: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl.

Anya: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however.
Xander: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long.
Willow: Definitely not. Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action.

Spike: Small world. Oh dear. If looks could stake. You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? I gotta say, you can do better.
Buffy: I told you, I wa-
Spike: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.

Buffy: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
Tara: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage.

Giles: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.

Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: On the dessert cart!
Buffy: I can't hear you!

Giles: And you're certain she was a robot?
Buffy: Absolutely.
Tara: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass... Just...tryin' a little spicy talk.

Xander: Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything...Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but...he'd get it.

Dawn: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him.

Spike: Hello, all. What's going on then?
Giles: Spike, you're not welcome here.
Willow: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. Even if it is a public place.
Xander: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out.
Anya: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat.

Spike: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you-
Giles: Spike ... listen to me.
Spike: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling-

Giles: We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. There is no way to Buffy. Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it.
Spike: I don't know what you mean.
Giles: Yes, you do. Move the hell on.

Buffy: She's voice-activated?
Warren: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback.
Buffy: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren.

Buffy: She growls? You made her so she growls?
Warren: Well...

Buffy: No ... people are the strangest people. I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.
Xander: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with.


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