Xander: You're gonna live in that small room over there. I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now.
Xander: Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English-to-ConstantPainInMyAss translation?
Buffy: Invitation.
Xander: Is there something more emphatic than hate? Can I revile the plan? Fine. I invite you in. Nimrod.
Xander: Why not? Crazy-Basement-Guy is better than Stalking-Buffy-Guy.
Dawn: It's true. You guys aren't... You're not starting up again with the whole -
Buffy: No. A thousand gallons of no.
Spike: I'll go. This can't work.
Buffy: It will. I-it already is. OK, you know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible people.
Spike: Bollocks.
Buffy: OK, so there was that one episode in the car, but -
Spike: No, bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling.
Buffy: It's not coddling. Now go to your closet.
Anya: Well, I-I guess you guys could use my help. Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing - except when she's evil. And Dawn - she's not really good for anything.
Xander: Right, with the wailing and the crying... Still better than a cozy evening with Spike. Shall I order a pizza? Don't teens in a snit like pizza?
Xander: Remember when she used to have a crush on me? I miss the much cuter "me" crush.
Buffy: That's not the point. I don't want a new cheerleading outfit.
Xander: Now, now, let's not be hasty. Not the right time.
Xander: It's the jacket. It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest makes girls get all swoony and crushy. I saw it all the time in school. And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play - not that I tried.
Xander: Well, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less bl-bl-bl-bl-bl. I'm just saying... once you get back the soul, doesn't that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?
Willow: No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.
Buffy: At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful change.
Buffy: The one who, according to Dawn, is the quote smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest, and having the thickest boy eyelashes boy in school unquote.
Xander: Oh. Oh! No! "Daddy" - No, I wasn't - When I was looking, I wasn't - Oh, God!
Willow: Right there with ya, hon.
Buffy: So, do you have plans later, or are you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?
Buffy: OK, first with the lap dance, now with the catfight. Hey, you wanna get drunk and barf next?
Xander: I just called him "that guy in the jacket".
Dawn: That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name!
Xander: Now get off the boy, Buffy. We're going home.
Buffy: I betrayed you? You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy about you and my lover.
Dawn: Your lover? Your lover!
Buffy: Why? Because he's younger than me? You know, I'm extremely youthful. And peppy.
Anya: Crazy little lust puppies, aren't they?
Xander: Well, at least the yelling went away. It was starting to sound like Christmas morning with my family.
Willow: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find.
Anya: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell... spell.
Willow: But you don't even know him!
Anya: Yes, I do. I looked into him and saw his soul.
Willow: He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass -
Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman - and he isn't.
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it!
Willow: There's a simple answer to this. Just think about who loves him the most. Clearly I do, since I'm willing to look past the whole orientation thing.
Anya: Well, you're gonna have to do better than that - I'd kill for him.
Willow: You'd kill for a chocolate bar.
Willow: Yeah, well I have skills. I can prove my love with magic.
Anya: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do - use magic to make him into a girl? Damn.
Willow: Oh, man! Now I've gotta start all over. Hecate hates that.
Xander: What the hell are you doing?
Willow: Proving I love R.J. the most!
Xander: Will, honey... R.J.'s a guy.
Willow: I did notice that, yeah. 'S why I'm doing my spell, 'cause, you know, he doesn't have to be.
Buffy: Well, I wouldn't put it past her. She's recently evil, you know.
Willow: Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?
Dawn: But I - I thought you wanted him... for you.
Buffy: Nah. Well, yeah. My God, that boy is hot. Sorry. I think I might be under a spell here.
Dawn: I hear ya.
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Anya: It was a spell. You were helpless. We're not responsible for anything we did morally or, you know, legally...
Xander: True. You fell for a mystical, ancient curse. Who hasn't made that mistake seven, eight times?
