Laugh Lines, Love Lines

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Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math.

Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!

Xander: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?

Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

Cordelia: Oh, I would *kill* to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?

Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.

Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that?
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.

Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy: I can't do both?
Willow: Not legally.

Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.

Xander: So what do you do for fun, what do you like, what do you look for in a man, let's hear it.
Jesse: If you have any dark, painful secrets you'd like us to publish?
Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen.
Xander: Well, not much goes on in a one Starbucks town like Sunnydale. You're pretty big news.

Giles: What do you know about this town?
Buffy: It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus?

Giles: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real!
Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Ah, w-w-w-yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.

Angel: Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am?
Buffy: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?
Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though.
Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!

Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say...I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. Oh, we were five.

Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.

Buffy: So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kinda skanky?
Giles: Oh, right, this is me having fun. Watching... clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!

Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I *really* didn't like him!

Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.

Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!

Buffy: Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?

Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!

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