Laugh Lines, Love Lines

The Harsh Light of Day  

Willow: You're not looking? He looks really cute in green.
Buffy: Teal. He's reflected in the mirror.
Willow: You know, when you spend all week with a boy, you're allowed to look at him directly.

Buffy: We hung out moderately incessantly.

Willow: Buffy's looking at Parker, who, it turns out, has a reflection, so big plus there.

Devon: That was, like, the best set ever. We'll do great in LA. We're gonna have them glued to their seats.
Willow: Uh, Devon? Aren't they supposed to dance?
Oz: Well, we can glue them to the dance floor.
Devon: I don't mean with real glue. You got that, right?
Oz: I got that.

Harmony: Big snake huh?

Parker: You have a scar.
Buffy: Right... um, angry puppy.

Buffy: Bad, bad Buffy.

Parker: I'm not doing the deep "get sympathy" routine. I mean, don't you just hate guys who are all, "I'm dark and brooding, so give me love."
Buffy: I don't think I've ever met that type.

Buffy: I sort of drowned a couple of years ago. But I came back. Obviously.

Parker: I mean, everybody says they get it - "Oh, man, me too. Live for today." But what they really want is an excuse to goof off and not study for finals.
Buffy: Also a valid life choice.

Xander: I'm not enjoying this.
Giles: Well, shelve them correctly and we can finish.
Xander: I don't get your crazy system.
Giles: My system? It's called the alphabet.
Xander: Huh. Would you look at that.

Anya: You should lock your door.
Giles: Believe me, I am kicking myself.
Xander: Anya? The last time I saw you, you were fleeing in terror. How'd that work out for you?

Anya: So, where's our relationship going?
Xander: Our what? Our who?

Xander: And there's the whole you used to be a man-killing demon thing. Which, to be fair, is as much my issue as it is yours.

Anya: I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked.
Xander: Really? You know, if I'm in the check-out line at Wal-Mart, I've had that same one.

Buffy: This is it. My door. Wood. Maybe some kind of wood veneer.

Oz: Remember Harmony?
Willow: She's back from her summer vacation. And she's a little different.
Buffy: Different?
Willow: Paler.
Parker: Is your neck okay?
Buffy: Neck. Paler. Puppy! The angry puppy.
Oz: Yeah, we came to warn you about the... angry puppy.

Willow: Band-aid, now. Thank you.

Buffy: Harmony's a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection.

Oz: Devon dated her for a while, but she was too flaky for him, which, stop and marvel at the concept.
Buffy: Guy dating Harmony dead. Must be, like, the most tolerant guy in the world.

Harmony: How's my little blondie bear?
Spike: Harm, does this look like a good time to talk?
Harmony: Are you going to kill Willow today? 'Cause I want you to say, "This is for messing with my sweet girl."

Harmony: You almost killed her last year. Suddenly it's a big deal?

Harmony: This one tastes funny. Take me out to eat.
Spike: He's perfectly fresh.
Harmony: I think I had a math class with him last year, and I didn't like him that much then, either.

Spike: I like him. He's got... um, what's the word? Vulnerability.
Buffy: And you're with Harmony. What'd you lose a bet?
Harmony: Hey!

Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her!
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Spike: Harm!

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.

Harmony: Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool! Can we eat a doctor so I can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating?

Spike: We've got an extra set of chains.
Harmony: Ew. Just because Dorkus went in for that...
Spike: Drusilla.
Harmony: Whatever.
Spike: Say her name.
Harmony: Dorkus.
Spike: Bite your tongue.
Harmony: Do it for me.

Xander: So... the crux of this plan is...
Anya: Sexual intercourse. I've said it, like, a dozen times.
Xander: Uh-huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here.
Anya: I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself.

Xander: But sexual interc-- What you're talking about, well--and I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this--but it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences.
Anya: Oh, I have condoms. Some are black.
Xander: That's... that's very considerate.
Anya: I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not...interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Xander: And the amazing thing is...still more romantic than Faith.

Buffy: He's not supposed to drink, and I saw him here, you know, in the land of the beer.

Parker: You think I could get a dance with the prettiest girl at the party?
Buffy: And what do I do, just stand here and watch?

Buffy: One more thing before I go...
Parker: A kiss.
Buffy: Well, I was going to go with pants, but, uh, a kiss is good, too.

Anya: So, so I..I'm over you now.
Xander: Ummm...okay.
Anya: Okay?!
Xander: Yeah?

Harmony: You love that tunnel more than me.
Spike: I love syphilis more than you.

Buffy: You know what? I'm an adult and it's none of your business where I was.
Giles: I'm sincerely relieved to hear it. Now, can we discuss the impending disaster?

Willow: It happened right? Did it happen, with Parker?
Buffy: Yeah, it happened.
Willow: Well, and? Details! I mean, not details, I don't need a diagram. But, you know, like maybe a blurry watercolor.

Spike: Listen to me, you stupid bint. This gem is everything. I came back to Sunnydale for it, a place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass.

Oz: Okay, either I'm borrowing all your albums, or I'm moving in.
Giles: Oz, there are more important things than records right now.
Oz: More important than this one?
Giles: Um, well I suppose an argument could be made for...
Xander: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV! He's shallow like us.
Oz: I got to admit, a little disappointed.
Giles: I-I-I...
Willow: Well, maybe it doesn't work. It's like art.
Giles: Uh... public television!

Spike: Isn't it a fantastic day? Birds singin', squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels, sun beamin' down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. Can't wait to see if I freckle.

Spike: The gem of Amarra. Official sponsor of my killing you.

Spike: So, you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you knew each other that well. What exactly did it take to pry apart the Slayers' dimpled knees?
Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.

Spike: Whatever. Guess you're not worth a second go -- come to think of it, seems like someone told me as much...who was that...oh yeah. Angel.

Harmony: Being a vampire sucks.

Buffy: So, what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil?

Willow: He's a poophead.
Buffy: You're right. He's manipulative and shallow... and why doesn't he want me? Am I repulsive? If there was something repulsive about me, you'd tell me, right?
Willow: I'm your friend. I would call you repulsive in a second.

Buffy: Do you think that we could still work it out?
Willow: I think you're missing something about the whole poophead principle.

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