Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Guise Will Be Guise  

Cordelia: Do you have any clothes a man would wear?

Cordelia: Gonna be a pretty short ride. They have vampire detectors!
Gunn: We know. It's cool. He's got a plan.
Wesley: A plan?
Angel: Yes. I get to the offices before they stop me.
Gunn: See? What? That's the plan? Walking real quick was the "plan"?

Cordelia: Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane and angry and... insane! You need help!
Angel: I'm not insane and I'm not angry.

Gunn: Man, that's nasty.
Angel: Um. Maybe I'm a little angry.
Cordelia: Maybe!?

Gunn: Wait. Are you saying... Is he gonna sing? Oh God, is Angel gonna sing?

Host: You don't have to sing. A break for you, a break for me, a break for Mr. Manilow.

Angel: We're going. I don't have to sing.
Cordelia: Oh thank God...For your sake, 'cause you don't like to do that.

Cordelia: Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!
Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
Cordelia: Right, right. This is Angel: Oh, no. I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins and then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking about snapping completely, maybe on Friday.

Swami: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible...Why do you hate yourself?

Swami: Uh-huh. So why all the layers? All the black? You know it's been like eighty degrees in the shade, lately --
Angel: No reason... I don't really have a body temperature, so...
Swami: So it's for the look.
Angel: No. It's just... this way I don't have to worry about matching. I don't actually have a reflection, so...

Angel: Maybe my persona is a little affected --
Swami: A little affected? Come on. How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse you think are gonna be using that hair gel? Don't get me wrong, you're out there battling ultimate evil, you're gonna want something with hold.

Cordelia: Yes! The point of a gun! He just walked Wesley right out of here. And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what, pretty much a girly name.

Wesley: I'm the vampire with a soul. Fighting for my redemption with...with... killing evil demons. That's right! Scourge of the demon world. Don't worry, boys, I don't kill humans. Unless I'm really angry.

Swami: You're deeply ambivalent.
Angel: Well... I am and I'm not.

Angel: Look like? Beautiful... small, blonde...
Swami: Right. So this is what you do -- go out and find yourself some small blonde thing. Bed her. Love her. Then treat her like crap. Break her heart. You and your inner demon'll thank me, I promise.
Angel: Uh--

Gunn: Joking. Great. We got ourselves a funny Zen master.

Cordelia: What? I'm rescuing you! Key ingredient... we leave!

Cordelia: Angel! Gunn! What happened?!
Angel: He got hit. Why is Wesley wearing my coat?

Wesley: Did you find out who hired him?
Angel: He wouldn't say. That is my coat, right?

Angel: What's going on? Were you in Virginia?
Wesley: That's beside the point.

Wesley: We have to go. Angel, you take Gunn and go to the front of the house, Cordelia, you and I will go around the back--
Angel: Wesley?
Wesley: Oh. Right. I'm sorry. You know this kind of thing best. How should we proceed?
Angel: Um... Gunn and I could take the... back?
Wesley: Very good. Let's go.
Angel: Um...? Can I have my coat back?

Mr. Bryce: She's impure?! She's not a virgin?! You!
Gunn: Whoa! That's what impure meant?
Cordelia: She slept with him?!
Mr. Bryce: You were supposed to be Angel! This wouldn't have happened! That's why I hired him! He's a eunuch!

Angel: Hey! A eunuch?

Angel: Not a eunuch!
Gunn: I coulda told you she wasn't a virgin.
Cordelia: One day as Angel?! One day and he's getting some?

Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear!

Angel: I'm not a eunuch.

Angel: Virginia Bryce, squired by Mr. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, private detective and bodyguard to the stars... "Squired" Who says squired?
Cordelia: Look at him all over her!
Angel: Cordelia, you're just jealous that he's getting some attention.
Cordelia: Damn skippy! He's getting famous off this!

Angel: No, no. Happy for him. "Of the Wyndam-Pryce Agency"? There's no Wyndam-Pryce Agency.

Angel: "Bodyguard to the stars." Yeah, right.

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