Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Goodbye Iowa  

Spike: Gotta hand it to ya, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding tragic taste in men.

Willow: Plus Riley, he seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones.
Xander: That's why they call it the secret forces Will, cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves.

Xander: Storm the Initiative? Yeah, let's take on those suckers!
Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide.
Xander: Oh, thank God.

Giles: Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank hole.
Spike: What? It was good enough for me but you're above it all?
Giles: Precisely.

Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me.
Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway.

Riley: That's hostile seventeen.
Spike: No. I'm just a friend of Xander's... Bugger it. I'm your guy.
Buffy: This is Spike. He's um... it's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore!
Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just... I can't bite anymore, thanks to you wankers.

Riley: We've been looking all over the place for him - but you've known where's he's been all along.
Buffy: It's not like that.
Riley: Then what is it like? What's he doing here?
Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that.

Buffy: That would never happen.
Willow: Well, no, Buffy. That's why they call them cartoons not documentaries.

Willow: Well look who's cranky bear in the morning!
Giles: Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Giles: Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Buffy: Okay, you guys, could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parents' marriage.

Anya: After everything you've been through with Angel. You know you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander.
Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies going 'tra la la.'
Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average.
Anya: So dump him. But you can't have Xander!

Buffy: It's too late anyway. I'm already at the I-hurt-when-he-hurts, I-smile-when-he-smiles stage.
Anya: I hate that part.

Buffy: When I find it I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life, I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine ... That probably would have sounded more convincing if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.

Forrest: Maybe Professor Walsh found out that Buffy was up to something bad. That ever cross your mind?
Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Is it because she's a better soldier than you?

Buffy: Hello. I'm apologizing here. And I-I think that's pretty big of me considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich.

Buffy (to Riley): I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me.

Willow: I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean ,I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff.
Tara: I know that. But you wanna do a spell.
Willow: Yeah.

Buffy: I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I?
Willy: Just once. And it don't have to hurt, just make it look good.
Willy: Ow! Oh!
Buffy: Not yet. I haven't touched you!

Willy: Hey! We got new rules here: no killing.

Buffy: Giles, Anya - keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover.
Anya: Hey! Remember before? No Xander! Not in a boyfriend way or a lead-him-to-a-certain-death way.
Buffy: He's the only one with military experience.
Anya: It's not like he was in The 'Nam. He was G.I. Joe for one night!

Buffy: I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan.
Xander: The r - Eww! I don't wanna see that!
Buffy: Retinal scan, Xander.

Xander: Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of a man-sized microwave?

Xander: Holy moly!
Buffy: I know.
Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too?

Xander: Quick, pretend to make out with me.
Buffy: What? What are you talking about?
Xander: Well, I uh... you know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide.
Buffy: Please. Could you possibly draw more attention to us? This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other!
Xander: Well maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?

Buffy: Now I don't generally like to kill humans. But I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life.

Buffy: I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on.

Engleman: Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down.
Adam: Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw.

Buffy: It's like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem.
Willow: There's gotta be a flaw.
Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.

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