Dawn: Candles?! We can't have candles?
Buffy: Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go.
Dawn: B-but they're just candles!
Buffy: Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to ... witches they're ... like bongs.
Buffy: Dawn, do me a favor, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there?
Dawn: Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's.
Andrew: I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood.
Spike: Morning.
Buffy: What are you doing? And, here?
Spike: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods.
Buffy: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll?
Xander: Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen! Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. Well, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a, or a nut sack like Drusilla-
Buffy: Spike ... this nice woman is, uh, from Social Services?
Spike: Oh, right! Uh ... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis. Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
Ms. Kroger: I'm sorry, did you say-
Buffy: Crib! He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.
Anya: Table four. I put her with your family.
Xander: Great. Except, we don't hate Buffy.
Anya: Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn?
Xander: We're not inviting D'Hoffryn.
Anya: We have to, he's my ex-boss! You're inviting your work buddies.
Xander: Sorry! Her clothes are ... invisible ... too. Buffy, how did this hap ... wait a sec, have you been feeling ... ignored lately?
No-Show Buffy: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal. I don't know what happened. I left Main Street after getting my hair cut, and-
Anya: You cut your hair?
No-Show Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Anya: Really? How short?
No-Show Buffy: Um, about up to here ... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.
Anya: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed-
Xander: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.
No-Show Buffy: Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna watch me. I'd like to see her try now.
No-Show Buffy: You know, there may be an upside to no-see-me.
No-Show Buffy: Nope, didn't see nothin'. See what I did there, with the eyeballs?
Anya: Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, invisible Slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety.
No-Show Buffy: 'Saright!
Xander: Buffy, could you focus please?
No-Show Buffy: I am! Just ... this is kind of fun.
Willow: We...are talking. Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.
Xander: Fix Buffy.
Willow: Buffy's broken?
Xander: Rhymes with ... 'blinvisible'?
Willow: What?
Xander: Buffy was in town, leaving the haircutting place, when she suddenly just-
Willow: Buffy got her hair cut?
Xander: Yeah! Adorable, apparently. I personally couldn't tell, since she's all 'blinvisible.'
No-Show Buffy: I am the ghost of fashion victims past. Studded caps? Not a good idea.
Spike: Buffy?
No-Show Buffy: I told you ... stop trying to see me.
Anya: Oh, I got it!
Xander: Really?
Anya: Yeah, we'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table, and move your Uncle Rory to table five near the bar.
Jonathan: Wait a minute! We're not killing anybody. Especially not Buffy!
Warren: You guys are so immature! We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your thick skulls?
Jonathan: We're not killers, we're crime lords!
Andrew: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman!
Warren: Because it's Superman's book, you moron!
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. Gotta keep fit for the killing.
Xander: Yuh-huh. Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. Mini-disaster area.
Spike: So what, you just come here to criticize my housekeeping?
No-Show Buffy: He threw me out? He threw me. Did I, like, fall into some ... backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me. 'We're alike, you and me. Birds of a bloody feather.' Uh! He's so ... Insensitive! That's what he is.
Invisible Warren: You haven't won yet, Slayer.
No-Show Buffy: No, that part comes after I beat the snot out of you.
Buffy: Jonathan?! You have chest hair?
Buffy: Who are you?
Andrew: Andrew. I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? During the school play, you know?
Warren: It's Tucker's brother.
Jonathan: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother.
Buffy/Willow: Ohh.
Willow: Oh my god, Buffy!
Buffy: I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them.
Willow: No, your hair! It is adorable.
Buffy: Pretty neat, you finding the van. So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?
Willow: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way.
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