Laugh Lines, Love Lines

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These are the top quotes from BtVS and Angel, as ranked by our site visitors... plus a few others that we really like. Links to the complete poll results are at the bottom of the page.

      BtVS Quotes Poll Results  

Xander: That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!

Buffy: What are you doing here. Five words or less.
Spike: Out. For. A. Walk... Bitch.

Gachnar: I am the dark lord of nightmares. The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!
Willow: He... he's so cute!
Gachnar: Tremble!
Xander: Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No. It's just... tacky.

Buffy: I kill your kind.
Spike: And I bite yours. So how come I don't wanna bite you? And why am I fightin' other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?

Xander (to Dracula): And where'd you get that accent? Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!

Buffy: I've been looking for you.
Faith: I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard you look?

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.
Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.

Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.

Giles: How did you get in?
Spike: The door was unlocked. You might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in.
Buffy: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying.

Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am *deeply* shamed.

      Angel Quotes Poll Results  

Cordelia: Lemme break this down for you, Fred. (Being Buffy) Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together, but --
Wesley: (Being Angel) But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth. Oh Buffy --
Cordelia: Yes, Angel?
Wesley: I love you so much I almost forgot to brood.
Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Wesley: Or possibly more?
Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!
Wesley: To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!
Cordelia: Bite me!
Angel: How 'bout you *both* bite me?

Angel: And your hair. What color do they call that? Radioactive?
Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam. Even when we were evil.
Angel: Cared for you less.
Spike: Fine.
Angel: Good. There was one thing about you...
Spike: Really?
Angel: Yeah, I never told anybody about this, but I...I liked your poems.
Spike: You like Barry Manilow!

Spike (after the lights go out): I know what this is. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME TO HELL, PAVAYNE!
(The lights come back on.)
Spike: Oh... well, that's just something I say... when, it gets dark.

Gunn: Still not sure why blondie-ghost tagged along.
Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Wesley: Yeah. Remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.
Spike: Called shotgun, mate.
Wesley (looks at his shotgun): Oh. I thought we were doing a weapons check.

Spike: Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...
Angel: Spike...
Spike: Look at you.
Angel: Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: You're a--
Angel: Spike!
Spike: You're a bloody puppet! You're a wee, little puppet man!

Angel (trying to use the phone at Wolfram and Hart): Um...can I get a cup of coffee or something?
Voice: You have reached ritual sacrifice. For goats, press one, or say "goats."

Faith: Angel's got a kid?
Wesley: Connor.
Faith: A teenage kid... born last year.
Wesley: I told you. He grew up in a hell dimension.
Faith: Right. And what? Cordelia spend her last summer as...?
Wesley: A divine being.
Faith: Uh-huh. Can I just ask... what the hell are you people doing?
Wesley: Leading complicated lives, obviously.

Angel (holding out his hand): I'm Angel. Pleasure to meet you.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Do you really expect me to shake that?
Angel: I'm not real comfortable with hugging.

Butler: Do you have an appointment with Mr. Hainsley?
Spike: Let's just say he sent us an invitation.
Angel: We're-- I'm from Wolfram & Hart.
Spike: I'm his date.

Angel: Maybe not. But I'll die before I let you hurt anyone else.
Jasmine: You're already dead!
Angel: You know what I mean.

Man: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
Angel: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.

      Honorable Mentions  

"Here endeth the lesson." The Master in Angel, Spike in Fool For Love, and Buffy at some point.
(From Stacey: Buffy said this during Season 7 in the episode "Showtime.")

Willow: Bored now.

Buffy: When he wakes up tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.
Prophecy Girl

Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
Lie To Me

Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: Not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice...with pie.

Monster: Who are you?
Buffy: I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer. And you are?

Xander: And was there a lesson in all of this? What have we learned about beer?
Buffy: Foamy!
Xander: Good. Just so that's clear.
Beer Bad

Riley: We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffeemakers that think.
Buffy: World domination? Is that a good?
Riley: Buffy, we're the government. It's what we do.

Angelus: Been there, done that, and deja vu just isn't what it used to be.

Xander: Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything...Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but...he'd get it.
I Was Made to Love You

Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not "knew it" in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.

Harmony (to Spike): I am powerful and beautiful and I don't need you to complete me. And you're mean!

Angel: Really, ah, fun party, last night.
Cordy: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are, you're always worried that no one's going to... suck the energy out of the room like a giant, black hole of boring despair. But, there you were in the clinch.

Angel: I talked to people... Laura.
Cordy: Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.

Wesley: Seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: Well, she tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.
Five by Five

Fred: I've been forkin' with Gunn.
That Vision Thing

Cordelia: Oh please. They've got the forbidden love of all time. They've been apart for months, now he's suddenly human? I'm sure they're down there just havin' tea and crackers.
I Will Remember You

Doyle: A good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.

Wesley: We made you some tea.
Angel: Great.
Cordelia: It's on the table right there in front of you.
Angel: Table seems far.
Cordelia: Aw, you must be all worn out from sleeping for the last three days. It's like living with the world's oldest teenager. He couldn't be having grouth spurt at 248 could he?
Angel: 247
Dear Boy

Angel: Divide and conquer, you mean.
Lilah: Oh, you're so cynical. See this is going to work out great.

Angel: Wes, it's not gonna happen.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: Because I'm not that guy. That guy is charming and funny and...emotionally useful. I'm the guy in the dark corner with the blood habit and the 200 years of psychic baggage.
Wesley: Get over it!
Smile Time

Lindsey: It's a secret society.
Gunn: Never heard of them.
Lindsey: That's because they're secret.
Power Play

Angel: You haven't heard a word I've said. For, like, years back.
Lindsey: Well, you get a little speechy, all right? And I breeze out. I got the Cliff Notes. Honor and humanity - absolute good, I heard it. So here's the plot twist: I'm in.
Not Fade Away

Angel: What the hell are you doing here?
Connor: Come on. You drop by for a cup of coffee, and the world's not ending? Please.
Not Fade Away

      See Also  

See how several hundred Angel quotes were ranked by this site's visitors.

See how several hundred BtVS quotes were ranked by this site's visitors.

Don't forget to cast your vote in our current polls: Angel Quotes Poll, BtVS Quotes Poll.

If you would like to share your favorites, you can email me or you can post your choices at the forums.

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