Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Fred: So, now that she's alive again are they gonna get back together? Angel and that girl with the goofy name?
Wesley: Well, Fred, that's a difficult question, really. I think it's fair to say... "no". Not a chance. Never, no way, not in a million years, and also, "nuh-uh".

Cordelia: Lemme break this down for you, Fred. [being Buffy] Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together, but --
Wesley: [being Angel] But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth. Oh Buffy --
Cordelia: Yes, Angel?
Wesley: I love you so much I almost forgot to brood!
Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Wesley: Or possibly more?
Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!
Wesley: To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!
Cordelia: Bite me!
Angel: How 'bout you both bite me?

Fred: You're back!
Gunn: How'd it go?
Angel: I think those two pretty much summed it up.

Cordelia: But Angel, we're your friends. And it's not healthy to repress stuff like this. You have to share your pain, express those feelings of grief and longing, cause if you don't the curiosity's gonna kill me.
Angel: Oh no. Wouldn't want that.

Cordelia: Now we'll never, ever know.
Angel: That's right.

Fred: But shouldn't we call Wesley first? And maybe, you know, the army?

Gunn: And he tracked her down through an unaddressed envelope? We could do that.

Cordelia: Sneaking off? Right. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. Oh-You're-My-Big-Fat-Hero around.
Angel: You think I'm fat?

Angel: So where do we start? Where would Fred go?
Gunn: We could hit all the local taco stands. Joke. Kinda.

Fred: Oh no. Was there another massacre?
Host: Just the one. But it turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through "Godfather III": once is enough.

Host: I know why you're running away, Fred. And you know what your problem is?
Fred: I'm not strong enough to stay and face my fear?
Host: No. You haven't run far enough.

Fred: I got lost, I got lost, they did terrible things to me but it was just a storybook, it was just a story with monsters, not real, not in the world, but if you're here and you see me then...then it's real, it did happen, if you see what they made of me... I didn't mean to get lost...

Gunn: Lady makes bug soup with a ten-ton bun, but show her a papier maché head and she gets the willies. Women.
Angel: Uh, Gunn? You do know it's not papier maché.
Gunn: We still got that bleach in the bathroom, right?

Cordelia: Next up -- multiple stab wounds. Angel!
Angel: Ooh! My turn!
Cordelia: What a dork.

Trish: You got everything packed, baby? What about that shirt with the -- bug guts -- on it? You threw that out, right? You're not takin' it home, right?
Fred: I don't know... I kinda thought I'd keep it, guts and all. As a souvenir.
Roger: That's my girl.

Cordelia: In a really weird way, you know who I miss?
Wesley: Fred.
Cordelia: Actually, I was gonna say her parents. Is that wrong?
Angel: I don't think so. They were very... nice.
Cordelia: Nice? They weren't just nice, Angel. They were...they were...
Gunn: Parents.

Angel: What I meant was ... I'm gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet kind of crazy. I found it soothing.
Cordelia: And what, I'm not soothing? I can be soothing. I could soothe your ass off, pal.

Cordelia: We are so immensely dead.

Fred: Mama, Daddy, it's just ... this is my life now.
Trish: Oh, Fred. I know it's selfish of us, but - we were just kinda hopin' you wouldn't figure that out.

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