Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Willow: Uh, Buffy, I know you're still getting back on your feet after...
Buffy: Lying flat on my back?

Buffy: But, I haven't spent any money. I was all dead and frugal.

Dawn: So, what do we do?
Buffy: Easy. We burn the house to the ground, collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty.

Buffy: I'm kidding. Guys. It's bills. It's money. It's scraps of paper sent by bureaucrats we've never even met, okay? Not the end of the world. Which is too bad, cause that, I'm really good at.

Anya: If you want to pay every bill here, every bill that's coming, and have enough left over to start a nice college fund for Dawn? Start charging.
Buffy: For what?
Anya: Slaying vampires! You provide a valuable service to the whole community. I say, cash in.
Buffy: Well that's an idea... you would have.

Dawn: Yes it is! You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives.
Anya: Spider Man does.
Dawn: He does not!
Anya: Does too.
Dawn: Does n ... Xander?
Xander: Action is his reward.

Xander: What are you talking about? Not on your side? Anya! I am your side!

Willow: Okay - let me make you mad again. Ready? Um, um... Last semester? I slept with Riley.
Buffy: And you know I really doubt it.
Willow: Caught me. Big fib...To cover up my sleazy affair with Angel.

Xander: Anya, if I tell them we're engaged right after you dared me to ... wouldn't you always wonder if that's the only reason I did it?
Anya: Oh.
Xander: Score one for Captain Logic.
Anya: No, no. Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat. I smell Captain Fear at the wheel! God, I hate this. This tone in my voice? I dislike it more than you do, and I'm closer to it!

Buffy: You do research now? You want a cappuccino, maybe a pack of cigarettes to go with that?

Giles: My God, Buffy. You're alive. You're here. And you're still... Remarkably strong.
Buffy: Huh? Oh. Sorry.

Buffy: I take some getting used to. I'm still getting used to me.
Giles: It's ... you're a...
Buffy: A miracle?
Giles: Yes. But then, I've always thought so.

Anya: Giles! God, we are so glad to see you. We missed you. You can't have the store back.
Giles: I know.
Anya: You signed papers.
Giles: I did, and do we have information on this Demon I suddenly find so desperately interesting?

Warren: Between the three of us, we can do pretty much anything.
Jonathan: Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? I'm all over that action, my friend.
Warren: Or? Just throwing it out there-robot girlfriend. Huh? For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter?
M'Fashnik Demon: You can do this?
Andrew: Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth.

Warren: Or else what? You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Graduated.
Andrew: That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker.
Jonathan: Yeah, well tell him I was at that prom.

Andrew: But I don't want to kill Buffy, either!
Jonathan: Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times. Plus - she's hot.

Willow: No! Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do.
Giles: Oh, there are others in the world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them.
Willow: Okay, probably not - but they're bad guys. I am not a bad guy. I brought Buffy back to the world and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations."

Willow: You're right. The Magicks I used are incredibly powerful. I'm incredibly powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off.

Spike: Want me to take 'em out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little.

Buffy: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
Spike: 'Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not much for crowds myself these days.
Buffy: Me neither.
Spike: That works out nicely then.

Andrew: I still can't believe it. We did it! We can do anything. We, we can stay up all night if we wanna.
Warren: Whoa, whoa, don't get all crazy on us, Andrew.
Andrew: I'm only saying...

Giles: Well; now I know I'm back in America as I've been knocked unconscious.
Buffy: Aw. Poor lumpy Giles.

Buffy: Who'd be calling? Everyone I know lives here.

Dawn: No chance I'll have to quit school and work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?
Giles: A poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading?

Buffy: Angel.
Giles: Is he in trouble?
Buffy: He knows I'm ... He needs to see me. And I have to see him.

Buffy: Not L.A. And not here. We'll meet in the middle. There's a place...
Giles: I see. Well, we'd better get these bills and things out of the way before you...
Buffy: I gotta go now.

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