Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Fear, Itself  

Xander: I don't know. I was going for ferocious scary, but it's coming out more dryly sardonic.
Willow: It does appear to be mocking you with its eyeholes.
Oz: Yeah, and its nosehole seems sad and full of self-loathing.

Buffy: I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out.

Xander: People, prepare to have your spines tingled and your gooses bumped by the terrifying... Fantasia. Fantasia?
Oz: Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to.

Xander: I got better things to do than tag along to some fraternity.
Willow: You can come.
Xander: 'Kay. But only because I lied about having better things to do.

Xander: Sad Buffy.
Willow: She didn't even touch her pumpkin. It's a freak with no face.
Oz: She's still suffering a little post-Parker depression.
Xander: Bailing on the Buff. Does anyone else want to smack that guy?

Buffy: This is an encouragement talk? I thought it was "share my pain."

Willow: I'll know when I've reached my limit.
Oz: Wine coolers?
Buffy: Magic.
Oz: Ooh. Didn't encourage her, did you?
Willow: Where's supportive boyfriend guy?
Oz: Oh, he's picking up your dry-cleaning. But he told me to tell you he's afraid you're gonna get hurt.

Buffy: I just don't want to deal with this right now. I'm taking a holiday from dealing. Happily vacationing in the land of not-coping.

Buffy: Willow, I don't want to meet someone. I've reached my quota on someones.

Buffy: Oh... my god.
Giles: It's a sombrero.
Buffy: And it's on your head.
Giles: It seemed festive.

Frat Guy #1: If we cannot scare the young women, they will not fall into our arms. We'll have womanless arms. Halloween's not about thrills, chills, and funny costumes. It's about getting laid.
Frat Guy #2: Is there any holiday that's not about getting laid?
Frat Guy #1: Arbor day.

Xander: That's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say, and accept them at face value.
Anya: That's stupid.
Xander: I accept that.

Anya: It's been exactly one week since we copulated.

Xander: Dress up. You know, something scary.
Anya: Scary? scary how?
Xander: Anya, you, ex-demon, terrorized mankind for centuries. I'm sure you'll come up with something.

Riley: I can't remember the last time I saw your hand up.
Buffy: Does stretching count?

Oz: Mi Casio es su Casio.

Frat Guy #1: Eyeballs, man. Blindfold chicks, have them put their hands in the bowl, then tell them it's eyeballs. They love that.
Xander: And here I was wasting time buying them flowers, and complimenting them on their shoes.

Oz: Oh, Xander's a civilian.
Frat Guy #1: Ah, townie, huh? Didn't know. Looked so normal.

Xander: Sensing a disturbance in the force, Master?
Joyce: I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm still a little gun-shy. It certainly didn't help that my last boyfriend turned out to be a homicidal robot.

Willow: We have to make sure she has fun. We have to force fun upon her. Yeah, and if Parker shows up, we'll just axe-murder him. That's Halloweenie.

Xander: What ya got in the basket, little girl?
Buffy: Weapons.
Xander: Oh.

Xander: Bond, James Bond. Insurance. You know, in case we get turned into our costumes again, I'm going for cool secret agent guy.
Buffy: I hate to break it to you, but you'll probably end up cool head-waiter guy.
Xander: As long as I'm cool and wield some kind of power.

Buffy: Will! Medieval Will.
Xander: Hail, ye olde varlotty... thou.
Willow: I'm Joan of Arc. I figured, we had a lot in common. Seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, and plus, she had that close relationship with God.
Xander (to Oz): And you are?
[Oz pulls back shirt to reveal name badge reading "Hello, my name is God".]
Xander: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God.
Oz: Blasphemer.

Buffy: Nice costumes. Very stealthy.
Willow: What are they supposed to be?

Buffy: Perfect. Everybody's got a date but third-wheel Buffy.

Xander: Ahhh! I wasn't scared. I was in the spirit.
Willow: And we'll back you up on that. Even if they question us separately.

Buffy: Thank the lord.
Oz: You're welcome.

Oz: Cowering in a closet is starting to seem like a reasonable plan.

Xander: I'd offer my opinion, but you jerks aren't going to hear it anyway. Not that didn't-go-to-college boy has anything important to say. I might as well hang out with my new best friend, bleeding dummy head, for all you dorks care.

Xander: Giles? Hey, everyone, it's Giles. With a chainsaw.

Buffy: This is Gachnar?
Xander: Big overture. Leetle show.
Gachnar: I am the dark lord of nightmares. The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!
Willow: He... he's so cute!
Gachnar: Tremble!
Xander: Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No. It's just... tacky.

Buffy: This is much better. There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Willow: I think I'm gonna barf.
Buffy: Except that.

Anya: What?
Xander: That's your scary costume?
Anya: Bunnies frighten me.

Giles: Oh, bloody hell, the inscription.
Buffy: What's the matter?
Giles: I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.
Buffy: What's it say?
Giles: "Actual size."

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