Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Angel: You look nice.
Cordelia: Aagh! Oh, and now, I look like the Joker.
Angel: Sorry.
Cordelia: Hopefully, I'm still too young and carefree for a heart attack. Would it kill you to hum a little tune when slipping up on people?
Angel: I don't hum.

Angel: Maybe we could be a little less young and carefree with the filing?

Angel: Okay, so, why is Mrs. Benson filed under 'F'?
Cordelia: Because she's from France. Remember what a pain she was?
Angel: Yeah, made me want to drink a lot.
Cordelia: Well, that's the French for you.

Wesley: Hello! I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian Fighting Ax, when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia's had a vision. Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil."
Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
Wesley: I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3-D, if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to, but unlike you, I'm not in my 80s quite yet.

Wesley: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me...sick with envy.

Angel: So, you've been seeing someone. How come I didn't know?
Cordelia: Because I'm ashamed of you -- not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.
Emily: Your boss can give me the third degree anytime.

Angel: So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight, what's he like again?
Cordelia: Like a big baby, hatching from a big egg, with really large hands in need of a manicure.

Angel: That's right. Termites lay their eggs anywhere, such as next door. And we fight termites -- wherever they may roam.

Wesley: That was bracing.
Angel: Yeah. Baby just hatched. Wouldn't want to run into him when he grows up and gets his driver's license.

Wesley: Maybe we should clean up. Do you think a Tarval demon leaves a hefty security deposit?

Wesley: Nobody's more fond of Cordelia than I, but if she wants to go gad-abouting with those doxies ...
Angel: I think they liked you.
Wesley: Really? I didn't mean doxy in a sexually promiscuous sense, exactly. You don't think sticking the ax in the wall put them off?
Angel: That was charming.
Wesley: What about the fact they thought we were gay?
Angel: Adds mystery.

Cordelia: Um, you don't have to--
Wilson: Call you?
Cordelia: Go home? I mean right away. It's still early ... in Australia.

Cordelia: Alright, Dennis. Knock it off. This is the one guy I've actually liked in a long time. And if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill you! Alright, empty threat -- you being a ghost and already dead. But I'll do something worse! I'll play Evita around the clock -- the one with Madonna!

Cordelia: Angel.
Angel: It's all right. We're here.
Cordelia: I'm ready to wake up now. I don't seem to be waking up.

Cordelia: What would I say to him? "I had a really great time. I think you left something at my place?"

Angel: You're not alone.
Cordelia: That's sort of the problem, isn't it?

Bartender: I didn't see you.
Angel: I get that a lot.

Bartender: So, you're the boyfriend?
Angel: No. I'm family.

Doctor: You're, what, 8 1/2 months along?
Wesley: Feels like only yesterday, doesn't it?

Angel: I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.

Wilson: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
Angel: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.

Angel: I really hate it when people shoot me.

Wesley: We can end this without harming the women. Oh. just one tiny problem.
Angel: What's that?
Wesley: Well, I don't want to use the words "impossible to kill," but ... fire won't kill it. Decapitation won't. It's really huge.

Demon: Who are you?
Wesley: Wesley Wyndham-Price, Rogue Demon Hunter. And I'm here to fight you, sir, to the death -- preferably yours.

Wesley: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do, uh, do you have any hobbies?

Angel: Sorry I'm late to the baby shower. Brought a little gift.

Cordelia: I really hate dating.

Wesley: If you need more time, Angel can manage. I've been helping out a little, and...someone forgot to close the filter again.
Angel: Of course, if you're ready to come back...

Cordelia: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh, wait. I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. Nope. Had that one down, too. Sex is bad?
Angel: We all knew that.
Cordelia: Okay, I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.

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