Laugh Lines, Love Lines


Buffy: No mouth means no teeth...unless they have them somewhere else.

Giles: I was just filling Buffy in on my progress regarding the research of Ascension.
Wesley: Oh. And what took up the rest of the minute?
Giles: Touché.

Buffy: A part of the demon. Hope it's not the outside part.

Willow: The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you guys noticed that?
Oz: I don't know. I usually go straight to the obits.

Willow: What are you doing Buffy?
Buffy: Nothing...checking for horns.

Buffy: It could be claws, or scales or...what?
Willow: Was it a boy demon?

Xander: They really are very good.
Oz: Their spelling's improved.

Xander: You know Oz, I look at all this beauty, all these healthy young women and I wonder why I wasted my time on Cordelia. I mean, look at her. She's no better lookin' than the rest of them.
Oz: None of them are really mine...
Xander: Oh my God! He's lookin' at her. He's got his filthy adult Pierce Brosnany eyes all over my Cordy.
Oz: You're a very complex man, aren't you.

Angel: Hey. I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it. No matter what, I'll always be with you. Hey, I'll love you, even if you're covered with slime.
Buffy: I liked everything until that part.

Oz: It was intense.
Xander: Yeah, for a minute there I thought you were gonna make an expression.
Oz: Well, I felt one coming on, I won't lie.

Xander: You have no shame.
Cordelia: Oh please, like shame is something to be proud of.

Cordelia: I still have knee marks on my back...[get some looks] from the pyramid.

Buffy: Is this the thing? The aspect thing? Because I gotta say, if it is, it's way better than a tail. I mean, I have a hard enough time finding jeans that fit right.

Buffy: And the boys of this school are seriously disturbed.

Buffy: Ooh, sorry. Sorry about the daytime. I just ducked out of school and that's when they have it.

Angel: You can't get into my mind.
Buffy: How did you--why not?
Angel: It's like the mirror. The thoughts are there, but they create no reflection in you.

Angel: You don't have to play games with me Buffy. Ever.
Buffy: Well, you're not exactly Joe-Here's-What-I'm-Thinking.
Angel: So ask me.
Buffy: Oh, but that would have made sense.
Angel: What do you want to know about? Faith? How I felt kissing her? Pretending to have no soul? Watching you suffer?
Buffy: Well, since you bring it up.
Angel: I hated hurting you. More than I could stand.

Angel: Kissing her meant nothing. I don't want a bad girl. I've done that before. I've lived a long time Buffy, and I'm past that. I've been with dozens of girls like that, more.
Buffy: Oh this honesty stuff is fun.
Angel: There's no comparison. In 243 years I've loved exactly 1 person.
Buffy: Oh. It is me right?

Angel: Be careful with this gift. A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
Buffy: Like say, immortality?
Angel: Exactly, I'm dying to get rid of that.
Buffy: Funny.
Angel: I'm a funny guy.

Oz: I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. Huh.

Xander: What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked women. Naked girls. Naked Buffy. Oh stop me.
Buffy: God Xander! Is that all you think about?
Xander: Actually...bye!

Oz: No one else exists either. Buffy is all of us. We think. Therefore she is.

Oz: I'm gonna follow the redhead.

Xander: See, I've been saying for years that the lunch lady is going to do us all in with that Mulligan Stew. I mean, what the hell is a Mulligan?

Xander: Yeah, I mean who hasn't idly thought of taking out the place with a semi-automatic...I said idly.

Xander: I'm still having trouble with the that one of us is just going to gun everybody down for no reason.
Cordelia: Yeah, because that never happens in American high schools.
Oz: It's bordering on trendy at this point.

Buffy: You had sex with Giles! You had sex with Giles!
Joyce: It was the candy. We were teenagers.
Buffy: On the hood of a police car!?
Joyce: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
Buffy: Twice!

Willow: Talk to everyone on your list. And...use the sample questions...today people!

Cordelia: Hi Mr. Beach. I was just wondering, were you planning on killing a bunch of people tomorrow. Oh, it's for the yearbook.

Larry: Man, I'm out. I'm so out I've got my grandma fixing me up with guys.

Oz: Dingoes Ate My Baby played their instruments as if they had plump polish sausages taped to their fingers.
Freddy: Sorry man.
Oz: No, it's fair.

Willow: Jonathan. Ugh, I had him in my grasp. Slippery weasel.

Jonathan: Stop saying my name like we're friends. We're not friends. You all think I'm an idiot. A short idiot.

Buffy: You know what, I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle.

Buffy: It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.

Willow: So, you feelin' better about Angel?
Buffy: Well, we talked, and then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me and then we talked some more.
Willow: See, that's how it should work.

Buffy: Well, it's nice to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except, he's starting to get that look you know, like he's gonna ask me to Prom.
Giles: Well, it'd probably be good for his self-esteem if you...
Buffy: What am I, Saint Buffy?

Giles: Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure, we could work-out after school, you know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
[Giles walks into a tree.]

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