Riley: What are you?
Buffy: Capricorn, on the cusp of Aquarius. You?
Buffy: By day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy. Ever been to Iowa, Riley? God, if that's even your name.
Riley: It is, born and raised. And hey! Bulletin: I'm not the only one who's been a little less than honest here.
Buffy: I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. I'm the Slayer. Slay-er. Chosen One. "She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries"?
[Riley still doesn't know what she's talking about.]
Buffy: You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the.
Riley: I don't see a scratch on you.
Buffy: You're not looking hard enough.
Riley: I'm lookin' pretty hard.
Riley: Sorry I'm so excited. It's my first earthquake.
Buffy: ...It's not mine.
Spike: I look like a plumber to you?
Xander: No, you look like a big mooch who doesn't lift a finger around here.
Spike: Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread. Doing your part to keep America constipated.
Xander: Mock not. Remember who pays for the plasma around here pal. You earn your keep or you don't get kept.
Willow: Well, Porter dorm is completely blacked out. So, naturally, they're dealing with the crisis the only way they know how -- Aftershock Party.
Buffy: Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the Somebody Sneezed Party and the Day that Ends in Y Party.
Buffy: Something horrible's gonna happen.
Giles: It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in Southern California. No reason to think it was anything more.
Buffy: Oh, I so have a reason. A darned good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died.
Giles: Yes, I know that - and therefore I completely understand your anxiety.
Buffy: Oh, good. Because I'd hate for my little untimely-horrible-death concern to be ambiguous.
Buffy: What if the earthquake was a sign? A bad omen and we just ignore it. There's gonna be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end.
Buffy: Plague!
Giles: What?!
Buffy: What if the end of the world is coming in the form of a plague? Then too many people may be infected by the time we actually decide...
Giles: Buffy!
Riley: What's a Slayer?
Forrest: Slayer. Thrash Band. Anvil handed guitar band with delusions of Black Sabbath.
Riley: No. A girl, with powers.
Forrest: Oh. *The* Slayer. Oh, yeah, I've heard of the Slayer.
Spike: I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt, trousers. I hate this place.
Xander: I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you're not the big bad anymore. You're not even the kinda-naughty.
Forrest: Yes, already! She's cool, she's hot, she's tepid. She's all-temperature Buffy. Now can we concentrate on the game here?
Buffy: Tell me about this symbol.
Willow: Right. It was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye.
Xander: It's kinda the CBS logo...hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?
Giles: It's the end of the world.
All: Again!?
Buffy: I told you. I said end of the world and you're like "pooh, pooh, Southern California, pooh, pooh."
Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
Buffy: I wonder where I've seen this before? Where else? The place where I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums. Big freaky cereal boxes of death.
Riley: You don't go after a demon that size by yourself.
Buffy: ...I do.
Buffy: It's a huge, black pit of a mistake and I can't go through it again.
Riley: Again? You dated me before?
Buffy: You don't know what my life is like.
Riley: But I'm dying to find out.
Buffy: Dying being the operative word here. Okay, there is too much risk. There is too much... It's just doomed! And I can't do doomed *again* right now. Sorry.
Buffy: Pain. Death. Apocalypse. None of it fun.
Willow: Ewwww.
Xander: I second that revulsion.
Spike: Goodbye Dru. See you in Hell.
Xander: You were trying to stake yourself!
Spike: Fag off! It's no concern of yours.
Xander: Is too. For one thing, that's my shirt you're about to dust and for another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: What! He wants to die, I want to help.
Willow: It's ooky. We know him. We can't just let him poof himself.
Spike: Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance. And besides, I'm beyond pathetic. Stuck in this basement washing skivvies for a blighter I wouldn't have bothered to bite a few months ago.
Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we're facing an apocalypse.
Spike: Really? You're not just saying that?
Riley: No, I mean you're stupid. I mean... I don't mean that. No, I think maybe I do.
Buffy: Wow, with sweet talk like that, you'll definitely melt my reservations.
Riley: I'm serious. You have this twisted way of looking at things, this doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that and things will probably turn out just the way you expect.
Buffy: You know there is nothing more dangerous than a psyche grad student.
Buffy: Fun? The last person I knew that believed that is in a coma right now because she had so much fun on the job.
Riley: But why? Why can't it be?
Buffy: Because I've tried it, okay? And every time it just fell apart. And then I get sucked right back in to the uber-evil.
Riley: Welcome to the story of the world. Things fall apart Buffy. And evil, it comes and goes. But the way people manage is, they don't do it alone. They pull each other through. If you weren't so self involved you'd see that.
Buffy: You have no idea what you're talking about. You barely know me.
Willow: Great. No Word of Valios.
Xander: Not even a syllable of Valios.
Spike: Buffy fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies.
Giles: Oh, as usual, dear.
Willow: If we leave him alone, he'll stake himself.
Buffy: And that's bad because..?
Xander: Ewww...mayor meat. Extra crispy.
Willow: You were just passing by in your GI Joe outfit?
Buffy: No offense, but you do look wicked conspicuous.
Riley: Do I know you?
Spike (in a bad Texas accent): Me? No. No sir. I'm just an old pal of Xander's here.
Riley: Oh. That's nice.
Spike: What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot. Not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass!
Spike: Come on, vampires. Ungh! Nasty. Let's annihilate them, for justice and for the safety of puppies...and Christmas right. Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!
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