Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Killed by Death  

Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!

Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean, I'm... the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it, it's kinda like a ride.

Cordelia: We're all concerned about how gross you look.

Angelus: Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine.

Xander: Take a walk, overbite.

Xander: She fell.
Willow: The flu.
Cordelia: She fainted.
Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!

Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.

Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.

Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.

Xander: Flowers for milady.
Buffy: I think they call them balloons.
Xander: Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow.

Buffy: Homework!
Willow: It's my way of saying 'get well soon'.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.

Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.

Buffy: 'Cause I'm not well. Uh, I feel all oogy.
Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal.

Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.

Xander: Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have...? Good thinking, I could do with a research assistant.
Cordelia: Let's go, Tact-Guy.

Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.

Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.

Xander: He's dead right? I mean, I heard something snap.
Buffy: That would be his neck.
Xander: You're not gonna yak on me, are ya?

Xander: Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?

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