Spike: Bleedin' crime, is what it is. Jackin' up the bar price to pay for fixin' up this sinkhole. Not my fault insurance doesn't cover act of troll.
Buffy: Gee, maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize.
Spike: I've half a mind to! Especially since the flowering onion got remodeled off the sodding menu. 'S the only thing this place had going for it.
Spike: It's just, we took on that Glory chippie together, I was right there with you, fightin' the fight.
Buffy: Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious.
Spike: Still, points for intent. You'd think that would be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn a little consideration, respect.
Xander: Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat.
Anya: Xander, I think you may have hurt his feelings.
Xander: And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. You know, that's, uh, that's actually some pretty good advice.
Buffy: Poor Will. Still getting those headaches?
Willow: Fewer and further between, but...yep, they're still exercising their visitation rights.
Tara: Honey, in case you didn't hear me the first six thousand times, no more teleportation spells.
Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it.
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
Xander: Listen, bleach boy, I don't have a chip in my head. I can do far more damage to you than you can ever do to me.
Willow: What did you think, Buffy?
Buffy: The test isn't till tomorrow, right? I don't have an opinion till then.
Willow: But, you read it, right?
Buffy: Kinda not. I rented the movie.
Tara: Oh, with, um, with Charles Laughton?
Buffy: I don't know. Was he one of the singing gargoyles?
Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!
Buffy: Why doesn't that register with you? Crypt plus vampire equals bad.
Dawn: 'Cause it was Spike!
Buffy: Hanging out with Spike is not cool, Dawn, okay? It is, it is dangerous, and ... icky.
Buffy: He's a killer, Dawn. You cannot have a crush on something that is ... dead, and, and evil, and a vampire.
Dawn: Right, that's why you were never with Angel for three years.
Buffy: Angel's different. He has a soul.
Dawn: Spike has a chip. Same diff.
Dawn: Oh, come on. You didn't notice? Buffy, Spike is completely in love with you.
Buffy: Huh?
Buffy: I-it's just that ... Dawn ... said that...
Xander: Yeah?
Buffy: Forget it.
Xander: Buffy!
Buffy: She thinks that ... she said that ... Spike's in love with me.
Buffy: I'm not joking.
Xander: Oh, I hope not. It's funnier if it's true.
Xander: So, where did Dawn, how did she come to this extremely... entertaining conclusion?
Buffy: She was hanging out with Spike. I think she has a crush on him.
Xander: What?
Buffy: I mean, I always knew that he had this...weird fixation with me...
Xander: I'm the one she has a crush on! Me!
Buffy: There's nothing here. Let's go.
Xander: It's always been me! Big funny Xander! Oh, what, she just suddenly decides I'm not the cool one any more? Why is that okay?
Spike: Well, that was sad. I'm embarrassed for our kind.
Buffy: What...is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
Spike: A d- Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean - Do you want it to be?
Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us.
Buffy: Loathing. Disgust.
Spike: Heat. Desire.
Buffy: Please! Spike, you're a vampire.
Spike: Angel was a vampire.
Buffy: Angel was good!
Spike: And I can be too. I've changed, Buffy.
Buffy: What, that chip in your head? That's not change. Tha-that's just...holding you back. You're like a serial killer in prison!
Spike: Women marry 'em all the time!
Spike: So, uh, let me get this straight. Darla got mojo'd back from the beyond...you vamped her...and now she and you are working on turning Angel into his own bad self again.
Drusilla: Mm-hmm.
Spike: Sounds fun.
Drusilla: It is. Like lollipops at the circus. Although...didn't care for Angelus setting us on fire.
Harmony: Who is - oh, wait. I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Drood-zilla.
Spike: Harm.
Harmony: You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. 'Cause my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl. Or Charlize Theron.
Spike: Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla.
Willow: Well, he...he actually told you? He, he said, "I love you"?
Buffy: Well, I-I didn't let him get that far, but...I could see the words coming.
Joyce: Honey, did you…somehow, unintentionally, lead him on in any way? Uh, send him signals?
Buffy: Well, I...I do beat him up a lot. For Spike that's like third base.
Joyce: Better to nip this in the bud before-
Buffy: The bud nips me?
Joyce: Exactly.
Willow: If you want, Buffy, I can go with. Back you up with some scowling.
Buffy: Thanks, but...I think this is something I have to do myself. Besides, you know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this, this whole thing's just been blown way out of proportion and...he's already gone back to wanting me dead.
Willow: Here's hoping.
Spike: Simple. I'm gonna prove something. I love you.
Buffy: Oh my god.
Spike: No, look at me! I...love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut...my throat.. I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you.
Spike: I can do without the laugh track, Dru.
Drusilla: But it's so funny. I knew...before you did. I knew you loved the Slayer. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.
Spike: You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel something.
Buffy: It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul.
Drusilla: Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well. If not wisely.
Buffy: That doesn't prove anything...except that you're a sick miserable vampire that I should have dusted a long time ago. And, hey, already there.
Spike: Don't mock this.
Buffy: Go mock yourself.
Spike: Here's why. If you don't admit...that there's something there...some tiny feeling for me...then I'll untie Dru, let her kill you instead.
Drusilla: Yes, please. I like that game much more.
Spike: Just...give me something...a crumb...a barest smidgen...tell me...maybe, someday, there's a chance.
Buffy: Spike....The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.
Spike: GAAAH! WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BLOODY WOMEN? WHAT THE HELL DOES IT TAKE? WHY DO YOU BITCHES TORTURE ME?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?
Spike: Look, I, I'm at the end of my bleeding tether. You know? I don't even know why I even bother, you know. This is your fault. You're the one to blame for all this.
Drusilla: Am I?
Spike: Bloody right you are! If you hadn't left me for that chaos demon, I never would have come back here! Never would have had this sodding chip in my skull! And you - wouldn't be able to touch me, because this, with you, is wrong. I know it. I'm not a complete idiot.
Drusilla: That's right, little girl. Teach our naughty boy a lesson.
Spike: Oh, so now you're all ganging up.
Spike: You can't just walk away from this.
Buffy: What part of punching you in the face do you not understand?
Spike: So we had a fight. It's not our first, love, and it doesn't change anything.
Buffy: It changes everything, Spike! I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand??
Spike: No, it's not that easy. We have something, Buffy. It's not pretty, but it's real, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it.
