Angel (to vampire): Doesn't sound like the lady's interested. Maybe you're coming off as too needy.
Wesley: Well, I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?"
Fred: What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its L.A. branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?
Wesley: Your run-on sentences have got a lot less pointless.
Fred: Oh, that's so sweet! And a tad condescending.
Fred: Oh, um, Wesley, this is Knox. And I told you to call me Fred.
Knox: A-any minute now, I'm gonna start.
Gunn: How's Fred doing?
Wesley: I'm sure "Knoxy" will take wonderful care of her. Don't you think it's a bit unseemly adding y's to the ends of people's names?
Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Westle"?
Gunn (picking an office): I want the one on the left. This one makes me feel a little bit less completely out of place. I'd say seventeen percent less. Plus, a little bit of a view of the mountains. Lived my whole life in L.A., now I find out there are mountains. A brother should be told.
Gunn: We can switch if you don't like the - you know, the kung pao or whatever.
Wesley: Feng shui.
Gunn: Right. What's that mean again?
Wesley: That people will believe anything. Actually, in this place, feng shui will probably have enormous significance. I'll align my furniture the wrong way and suddenly catch fire or turn into a pudding.
Angel: Who do you answer to?
Eve: The senior partners, and if you're thinking, which, by the way, you are, that you can use me to get to them, let go of the dream. I answer to them. I don't lunch with them.
Gunn: I can't even remember which pile is which.
Angel: I'll get my secretary to go through it in the morning. Do I have a secretary?
Wesley: I imagine they'll find you someone who can stomach the idea of working for the side of the righteous.
Eve: Lot simpler fighting vamps on the street, wasn't it? Tricked-out pickup, loyal gang, just you and the pointy wood against the living dead.
Gunn: This gonna be a thing with you, jumping out at people, or do you just not have an office of your own?
Eve: So you're not backing out?
Gunn: You don't know me or you wouldn't ask that question.
Eve: I can see why the senior partners chose you. Have fun. You'll feel like a new man.
Angel (trying to use the phone) Um...can I get a cup of coffee or something?
Voice: You have reached ritual sacrifice. For goats, press one, or say "goats."
Harmony: Hey! Boss.
Angel: You're my secretary?
Harmony: Hello! "Assistant."
Angel: Explain why I shouldn't kill you.
Harmony: Secretary's fine.
Angel (to Wesley): You knew that she was -
Harmony: Wes is the one that picked me out of the steno pool.
Angel: But why . . . You . . . uh...
Wesley: Well, I thought a familiar face would be just the thing in a place like this.
Angel: You turned evil a lot faster than I thought you would.
Wesley: Corbin Fries. The lowest piece of pond scum I've met in, oh, hours. He's about to get 20 years for kidnapping, pimping—
Angel: I saw the file.
Wesley: Yeah, well, personally, I think he deserves to be eaten by weasels, but he's hinting we'd best help him. Threatening, actually.
Angel: Because you're guilty.
Fries: Of course I'm guilty. What the hell are you changin' the subject for? The point is, when Holland Manners was running things, this would've never got to trial. Now, I bring a lot of money into this firm, more than most, and I don't do that so I can be handed over to the frickin' law. You gotta get me off.
Angel: It's strange, my lack of incentive.
Fries: Let me put it this way: If they bring in a conviction, bye-bye, California. I say the magic word, the only people left standing are gonna be the ones that are already dead.
Harmony: Oh, well, that's a relief ... I mean ... HEY!
Knox: So, he can read your mind?
Fred: Oh, while you're singing, he can sort of feel out your aura, your future. It should help us weed out the, you know, most evilest, which I'm sure you're not.
Knox: Hey, I'll go up there right now, warble away. I want you feeling 100 percent secure running this lab.
Fred: Yeah. That'll never happen in this lifetime.
Fred: Uh, evil aside, I'm not sure that I'm much of the running-things type. I'm more the running-away-from-things type.
Knox: Why do I have trouble believing that?
Fred: Maybe you're not very bright.
Angel: Well, he said "drop the bomb." We don't know what that means.
Wesley: We very nearly found out.
Angel: What? I'm not allowed to hit people?
Wesley: Not people capable of genocide.
Angel: Those are exactly the types of people I should be allowed to hit!
Wesley: Fred, go through the lab records. See if Wolfram and Hart deals in viruses.
Lorne, you're in the courtroom. Monitor the case. Let us know how it's going.
Lorne: But lunch with Mary-Kate - she was gonna tell me about Ashley's new piercing.
Angel: I'll take care of it.
Hauser: Traditionally, my unit handles all the wet work.
Angel: I know you meant field work.
Hauser: Of course.
Angel: Hmm. So tell me. Why do they call you "Spanky"?
Spanky: I'm a big "Our Gang" fan.
Angel: That's what I figured.
Spanky: Look, buddy, I'm gonna be up-front with you. I got nothing against people doing their thing. It's a wide and wonderful world, but...I don't spank men. It's not a judgment. Men have fine, firm asses. You've been to the web site, you know how much I work on mine.
Spanky: You know what I'm doing now? I'm applying pressure to your windpipe. You'll pass out, and then I'll let Mr. Fries decide if he wants you to wake up again.
Angel: Do you know what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.
Spanky: Vampire.
Angel: Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me.
[He smacks Spanky across the room with a large paddle.]
Angel: I have no problem spanking men.
Fred: The lab technician?
Knox: Yeah. I don't know him. Oh, okay, he was fired. [reads] Oh, no, I'm sorry. He was set on fire.
Eve: The rest of the world, including your best friends never even heard of Connor.
Angel: That's not a name I want passing through your lips.
Eve: And what would you like passing through my lips?
Knox: I'll get someone on it.
Fred: Don't get someone on it, *have* someone on it. Did we build this thing? Do we have an antidote? Do—do we have an Antidote Department? Do you do anything besides pretending you're running an evil Radio Shack?
Angel: I can see why they made you the leader. Do I even have to start with how fired you all are?
Hauser: That's not how it works.
Angel: Oh. Right. Tradition. Why don't you show me how that's done?
Hauser: Thank you, sir. [to the team] Take him out!
Judge: I have brokers who do my . . . You submit that I could possibly have known about this connection?
Gunn: I found out, and I've been on the case [checks his watch] six hours.
Angel: You know that won't kill me.
Hauser: It'll hurt. That part's fun.
Angel: Agent Hauser, I'm honestly beginning to suspect that you're not part of the solution.
Hauser: Now, you think I'm just a trigger-happy jerk who follows orders, but I am something you will never be. I'm pure. I believe in evil. You and your friends, you're conflicted. You're confused. We're not. That is why you are gonna lose, because we possess the most powerful thing in the world: conviction.
Angel: There is one thing more powerful than conviction. Just one. Mercy.
[Angel kills Hauser.]
Agent: What happened to mercy?
Angel: You just saw the last of it.
Eve: Charles agreed to let us enhance his mind with a comprehensive knowledge of the law.
Wesley: Without asking us?
Gunn: Mother, may I?
Fred: Without telling us?
Gunn: 'Cause I knew you guys would freak. Look, it's me here. They didn't evil me up. All I got stuck in my head was the law. And for some reason, a messload of Gilbert and Sullivan.
Eve: Standard. Great for elocution.
Angel: How can you possibly know they didn't do anything else?
Gunn: 'Cause I saw the man in the white room. He does a lot of scary things, but lying ain't one of them.
Fred: Is this gonna be our lives now? Fighting our own employees, our own clients? Are we really gonna do any good?
Angel: Yes, we are. We're gonna change things. We came to Wolfram and Hart because it's a powerful weapon, and we'll figure out how to wield it.
Wesley: Or kill ourselves with it.
Fred: (flatly) Yay, team.
