Laugh Lines, Love Lines

Buffy Vs. Dracula  

Buffy: Go, Team Me!
Riley: Anyone ever told Team You the quarterback throws like a girl?
Buffy: I do?

Xander: I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running. Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?
Anya: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.
Tara: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.
Willow: I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.

Willow: Game over?
Riley: Umm...Buffy slayed the football.

Xander: The fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.

Willow (on starting a fire with magic): It's no big. You just have to balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing...
[A huge clap of thunder interrupts as dark clouds appear out of nowhere and it starts to rain.]
Willow: I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Willow: Just call me the computer whisperer.

Giles: That's what I'm trying to do actually...is get a life.
Willow: It might go better if you left the house.

Willow: I guess...now that I know there's something to know I can't not know just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know...you know?

Willow: What? But you can't. You're Buffy's Watcher...I mean, in a fired way.

Willow: But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched. Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball.

Buffy: I kinda have to get out on patrol.
Joyce: Now? It's 8:30.
Buffy: Well, vamps don't really care what time it is. You know, dark equals dinner bell.

Buffy: Do you *know* what a Slayer is?
Dracula: Do you?

Willow: Xand? What if somebody had a secret and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone.
Xander: Newsflash, Will. Everybody knows.
Willow: This isn't about me and Tara.
Xander: Oh, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very very naughty.

Buffy: So lemme get this straight. You're ... "Dracula." The guy, the count.
Dracula: I am.
Buffy: And you're sure this isn't a fan boy thing? Cause I've fought more than a couple pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.

Dracula: You're known throughout the world.
Buffy: No...really?
Dracula: Why else would I come here? For the sun?

Dracula: I came to meet the renowned killer.
Buffy: Yeah, I prefer the term Slayer. You know, killer just sounds so...
Dracula: Naked?
Buffy: Like I ... paint clowns or something.

Dracula: Perhaps, but you're power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it.
Buffy: No...you know what I feel? Bored.

Xander: Nice! Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy.

Xander: And where'd you get that accent? Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!

Xander: And Buffy's all 'Look out' and friggin' Dracula is standing right behind us.

Buffy: I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me.
Riley: I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now.

Xander: I wonder if he knows Frankenstein?

Anya: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing... yucko.
Xander: How would you know?
Anya: Oh, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days. You know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from a whole evil-thing perspective.
Xander: Please. He was no big whoop.

Riley: You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you?
Buffy: Noooo, his eyes were -- there were... there was no penetration. Cross my heart.

Anya: You should just mention my name if you see him again.
Xander: Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private.

Xander: Blood! Yes! Yes! I will serve you, your excellent spookiness.
[Dracula frowns.]
Xander: Or Master. I'll just stick with Master.
Dracula: You are strange and off-putting.

Riley: What can you tell me about Dracula?
Spike: Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing.

Dracula: You are magnificent.
Buffy: I bet you say that before you bite all the girls.

Buffy: You think you can just waft in here with your rock musicvideo wind and hypno--eyes...

Willow: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.
Xander: Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master -- bator.

Xander: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince -- bator.

Riley: You're under the thrall of the Dark Prince!

Xander: It's nothing. Just a scratch.
Willow: Two deep, puncture-y scratches.

Buffy: I'm not sure why I tried to hide it. There was just this voice and it was telling me to hide it.
Riley: And what'd did I tell you! That's thrall.

Joyce: He seemed so nice and normal...a little pale.
Willow: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white skinned men in capes.

Xander: I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?

Xander: Master, I deliver the Slayer. She who you most desire. Sorry -- "whom".

Dracula: I knew you'd come.
Buffy: Why? 'Cause I'm under your thrall? Well, guess again, pal.
Dracula: Put the stake down.
Buffy: Okay.

Buffy: Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing.

Riley: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
Giles: Uh, a castle?
Riley: A big honkin' castle.

Dracula: Do you know why you cannot resist?
Buffy: 'Cause you're famous?

Xander: Nobody harms my master.
Riley: Your master?
Xander: You want him? You come through me.
Riley: Okey-dokey.

Giles: Oh! Good show, Giles. At least you didn't get knocked out for a change.

Buffy: Wow...that was gross.

Dracula: You are resisting.
Buffy: Looks like.

Buffy: A guy like you should think about going electric. Seriously.

Buffy: How do you like my darkness now?

Riley: Buffy! You okay?
Buffy: Yeah. Chock full of free will.
Giles: And Dracula?
Buffy: Eurotrashed.

Xander: Where is he! Where's the creep that turned me into a spider eating man-bitch?

Xander: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt monkey.

Riley: It could have been worse. At least you weren't making time with the Dracu-babes like Giles here.
Giles: I was not making time, I was just about to kill those loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me.
Riley: Really? You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?

Buffy: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.

Joyce: Buffy, if you're going out why don't you take your sister?

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