Mayor Wilkins: I, I just love the Family Circus! That P.J., he's getting to be quite a handful.
Xander: Harvard... Yale... Wesleyan... Some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I, uh... I can't pronounce. Is anyone else intimidated? 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon.
Oz: They're typing those now.
Willow: I'm so overwhelmed! I-I got in! To actual colleges! And, a-and they're wooing me! They're pitching woo!
Willow: Rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this...
Xander: I feel your pain, Will. Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the corndog emporium, so...
Xander: The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. Who, uh, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear.
Wesley: I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course.
Giles: No danger of finding those here.
Wesley: Vampires?
Giles: Controlled circumstances.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Giles: Not in the strictest sense.
Wesley: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol.
Buffy: Vampires.
Wesley: Yes?
Buffy: Killed 'em.
Wesley: Buffy, you will go to the Gleave's family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
Buffy: I will?
Wesley: Are you not used to being given orders?
Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie.
Faith: New Watcher?
Buffy and Giles: New Watcher.
Faith: Screw that.
Buffy: Now, why didn't *I* just say that?
Wesley: These are all the diaries then, yours included?
Giles: That's everything. Knock yourself out. Please?
Buffy: I hate it when they drown me.
Wesley: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation... preparation... preparation.
Buffy: That's one word three times.
Buffy: How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name?
Xander: What? No, it doesn't.
Buffy: Faith.
Xander: Cut it out!
Wesley: There you are.
Buffy: Ah. Speak of the really annoying person.
Buffy: Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys, and one big demon in desperate need of a stairmaster.
Mr. Trick: Why do they always gotta be using swords? It's called a Uzi, ya chump. Could have saved your ass right about now.
Willow: Give me time, and I may be the first Wiccan to do all my conjuring in pine-fresh scent.
Wesley: Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm.
Giles: Well, thank God you're here. I was planning to panic.
Wesley: What is that thing?
Giles: That would be your demon. You know, the dead one?
Wesley: There's no need to get snippy.
Giles: If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now.
Balthazar: THE MAN WHO HAS MY AMULET! WHAT IS HIS NAAAME?!
Angel: His name is Angel.
