Todd: You see, Buffy, the thing you gotta learn about the Palace, and this takes awhile, is that job security all boils down to one simple thing:
Buffy: Controlling the gag reflex?
Skank-Vamp: Whew. What's that smell? Geez Slayer, is that you?
Buffy: I've been working!
Skank-Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?
Buffy: D-Doublemeat Palace.
Skank-Vamp: Ooh. Know what? Let's just call it a night. If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff ... I'm not so sure I want to bite you.
Buffy: You're dead. You smell like it. How do you get to say I'm the one who's... stinky?
Dawn: Its looks kinda ... squished.
Buffy: Oh. Yeah. But you know, you know, give it a minute, 'cause these babies really bounce back. Literally.
Dawn: Some vamp get rough with you?
Buffy: He's not getting any gentler.
Buffy: Riley.
Riley: I'm sorry to just drop in on you like this, Buffy
Buffy: It's you.
Riley: It's me.
Buffy: You're here.
Riley: I know.
Buffy: And -- were you always this tall?
Buffy: My hat has a cow.
Riley: I hear you. Got big stories to tell you, too. We get half a sec, we can compare and contrast.
Buffy: Did you die?
Riley: No.
Buffy: I'm gonna win...
Anya: I think maybe we died in this car on the way to the airport. And now we're in hell.
Xander: I'm not. I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you -- to start a new family, have children, make them hate us, then, when they get married -- sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life.
Xander: Why did we ever agree to let your friends -- who are demons -- and my family -- who are monsters -- stay at our place?
Anya: I can only do so much, Xander! Planning this Marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.
Xander: Without the laughs.
Buffy: I ... have a house. And I think it's safe. Sometimes, you can't even leave!
Willow: Just so you know: I am prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
Buffy: Will. Thanks, but no. I don't want to get all, you know -- petty.
Willow: That's the beauty. YOU can't, I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for both of us.
Buffy: Go nuts.
Buffy: Which means we find the nest -- as in now -- or Sunnydale turns into the TROUBLE Meat Palace. I wish I'd said something else.
Buffy: This isn't possible He's too ... Incompetent! Its just Spike, Riley.
Riley: Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic ... or have you forgotten?
Riley: Can you shut him up?
Buffy: Not so far.
Xander: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements.
Anya: That would be the wedding.
Xander: Which will soon be over.
Anya: But the marriage...
Xander: That lasts forever.
Buffy: Yes! I think it was a rollicking adventure, fun for the whole family!
Riley: Hey. You want me to say I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color, or that the burger smell is --
Buffy: You smelled the smell?
Riley: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved and the strongest woman I ever knew. And I'm not advertising this to the missus, but still quite the hottie.
Buffy: I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish --
Spike: -- really not complaining here --
Buffy: -- and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William.
Laugh Lines, Love Lines is a rusted-crush.com production. This completely unofficial, fan-run website is a display of admiration, and we gratefully acknowledge the sources that have helped make this site and this layout possible. No infringement of any kind is intended. Got questions? Check the F.A.Q for F.G.A (Frequently Given Answers).