Quotations 101

the road to redemption can be rocky

Angel 101
» Spoiler Warning: details on this page could spoil any surprise(s) in the story if you have not seen this complete TV series.

In a city overpopulated by demons, warlocks and some really nasty lawyers, a creature of the night becomes Los Angeles' greatest hope. Once a vicious vampire who terrorized Europe, vampire-with-a-soul Angel (David Boreanaz) helps the helpless in order to get his reward from The Powers That Be and regain his humanity. In his quest, he sets up Angel Investigations, with the help of an unlikely (and quite effective) evil-fighting team: wannabe actress Cordelia Chase (Charisma Carpenter), bookish Brit Wesley Wyndam-Pryce (Alexis Denisof) and streetfighter Charles Gunn (J. August Richards).

» See our Angel fan site - Angel's Secrets - for more show facts and fun.

Angel: Recap and Review
What makes it so notable? Like the show that spawned it, Angel features clever dialogue, strong characters, and a stellar cast.
What are its weak points? The whole Darla-is-pregnant storyline. Plus, the fifth season character Eve annoyed me more than any other TV character in recent memory.
Verdict: Casual Fan or Big-Time Fangirl? former Big-Time Fangirl, now Casual Fan
Comments: I became interested in Angel the Series after reading episode reviews and summaries on the Internet. I was intrigued, but I feared the show was too dark for my tastes. Then I read some quotes at another website, and they made the show seem way more funny than dark. I decided to give it a try. I'm not sure why - perhaps it was my mild obsession with the main character - but I consistently liked it better than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And that says a lot!

- Quotes -
The good, the bad, the sad, the funny: the things we wish we'd thought to say first.

Cordelia: Lemme break this down for you, Fred. (Being Buffy) Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together, but --
Wesley: (Being Angel) But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth. Oh Buffy --
Cordelia: Yes, Angel?
Wesley: I love you so much I almost forgot to brood.
Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Wesley: Or possibly more?
Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!
Wesley: To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!
Cordelia: Bite me!
Angel: How 'bout you both bite me?

Angel: And your hair. What color do they call that? Radioactive?
Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam. Even when we were evil.
Angel: Cared for you less.
Spike: Fine.
Angel: Good. There was one thing about you...
Spike: Really?
Angel: Yeah, I never told anybody about this, but I...I liked your poems.
Spike: You like Barry Manilow!

Gunn: Still not sure why blondie-ghost tagged along.
Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Wesley: Yeah. Remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.
Spike: Called shotgun, mate.
Wesley (looks at his shotgun): Oh. I thought we were doing a weapons check.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

Spike: Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...
Angel: Spike...
Spike: Look at you.
Angel: Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: You're a--
Angel: Spike!
Spike: You're a bloody puppet! You're a wee, little puppet man!

Angel (trying to use the phone): Um...can I get a cup of coffee or something?
Voice: You have reached ritual sacrifice. For goats, press one, or say "goats."

Faith: Angel's got a kid?
Wesley: Connor.
Faith: A teenage kid... born last year.
Wesley: I told you. He grew up in a hell dimension.
Faith: Right. And what? Cordelia spend her last summer as...?
Wesley: A divine being.
Faith: Uh-huh. Can I just ask... what the hell are you people doing?
Wesley: Leading complicated lives, obviously.

Angel (holding out his hand): I'm Angel. Pleasure to meet you.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Do you really expect me to shake that?
Angel: I'm not real comfortable with hugging.

Butler: Do you have an appointment with Mr. Hainsley?
Spike: Let's just say he sent us an invitation.
Angel: We're-- I'm from Wolfram & Hart.
Spike: I'm his date.
Just Rewards

Angel: Maybe not. But I'll die before I let you hurt anyone else.
Jasmine: You're already dead!
Angel: You know what I mean.
Peace Out

Man: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
Angel: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.

Gunn: How's Fred doing?
Wesley: I'm sure "Knoxy" will take wonderful care of her. Don't you think it's a bit unseemly adding y's to the ends of people's names?
Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Westle"?

Spike: You're king of a thirty-floor castle, with all the cars, comfort, power, and glory you could ever want, and here I save the world, throw myself onto the proverbial hand grenade for love, honor, and all the right reasons, and what do I get? Bloody well toasted and ghosted is what I get, isn't it? It's not fair.
Angel: Fair?! You asked for a soul: I didn't! It almost killed me. I spent a hundred years trying to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent 3 weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine! What's fair about that?!
Just Rewards

Angel: How old were you when you realized you could track like this?
Connor: I don't know. Five, six. We didn't exactly celebrate birthdays in Quor-Toth. Holtz made up a game so I could practice.
Angel: What, do you mean he'd hide things for you to find?
Connor: Kind of. He'd tie me to a tree and then run away.
Magic Bullet

Connor: I'll kill you!
Angel: It'll pass.
Lorne: Right. 'Cause Lord knows he's never tried that before.
Magic Bullet

Cordelia: Okay, you get to leave now. You're not gonna come in here and accuse Angel like this.
Wesley: Cordelia.
Cordelia: No! I don't care how many files you have on all the horrible things that he did back in the powdered wig days. He's good now. And he is my friend. And nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!
Angel: Cordelia. He's right.
Cordelia: You stake him and I'll cut his head off.

Angel: Look, Lorne, I-I- I have things. I'm busy. I'm brooding.
Lorne (sees a television on): You're watching hockey!
Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.
Life of the Party

Wesley: Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive, Gunn is peeing all over the office.
Fred: And we're a little bit drunk.
Wesley: Yes. But not because we drank, because Lorne told us to be drunk.
Angel: Lorne told you to pee all over the office?
Gunn: Lord, I hope so.
Life of the Party

Angel: I'm not perfect, Faith. Even with a soul I've done things I've wished a thousand times I could take back.
Angelus: Yeah, like those Manilow concerts, you son of a bitch!

Jasmine: And look what free will has gotten you.
Angel: Hey, I didn't say we were smart. I said it's our right. It's what makes us human.
Jasmine: But you're not human.
Angel: Working on it.
Peace Out

Angel: She was eating people.
Lilah: They knew what they were getting into.
Lorne: Her stomach?

Spike: You've heard of me?
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: No. We've met. 1963. My colleagues and I fell upon you slaughtering an orphanage in Vienna. Killed 2 of my men before you escaped.
Spike: Oh... how've you been?

Vampire: Something big is coming, and when it gets here, we're gonna be in prime position for--
Angel: An ass whoopin'?
Shiny Happy People

Demon: I eat fish and occasionally vermin, but that's it, I swear! You believe me, don't you?
Fred: You're still breathing, aren't you?
Demon: More like hyperventilating. You scared the cream cheese outta me.
Magic Bullet

Hainsley: A ghost, huh? You brought a ghost as your backup, vampire?
Spike: I'm not here to back him up. I just haunt the bastard.
Just Rewards

Darla: But we...
Angel: Yes...
Darla: ...and you...
Angel: I know...
Darla: Then I...
Angel: Three times...
Darla: You're not evil?

Sahjhan: I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy.
Angel: Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing.
Sleep Tight

Spanky: You know what I'm doing now? I'm applying pressure to your windpipe. You'll pass out, and then I'll let Mr. Fries decide if he wants you to wake up again.
Angel: Do you know what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.

Angel: What, am I supposed to swoon? It's an office.
Lilah: With your own private elevator. Care to take it for a spin?
Angel: What's it gonna do, huh? Drop me in a vat of holy water?
Lilah: I was pushing for that, but they went with the motor pool. Figured you'd like to stay mobile, what with all that rushing out to save the day you're so fond of.

Wesley: I'm not quite finished. I think it's only fair that everybody have a turn. The cross obviously doesn't affect me or our friend, the pugilist.
Gunn: Oh, your ass better pray I don't look that word up.
Spin The Bottle

Angel: What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. But then I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective.
Deep Down

Cordelia: Wow. How did I - ? I am a spy. I get it now. You're all spies. Probably all Russian. And you've brainwashed me, and want me to believe we're friends so I'll spill the beans about some nano-techno-thingy that you want.
Gunn: So... I look Russian to you?
Cordelia: Black Russian.
Angel: That's a drink.
Cordelia: Says the head spy.
Slouching Toward Bethlehem

Wesley: Spike has been unintentionally disapparating more and more frequently.
Gunn: Give him twenty minutes: he'll be popping up next to you in the bathroom, making cracks about your . . . Am I the only one he does that to?

Fred: You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch.

Lindsey: I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet. Six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's bein' nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. See we had a choice -- you got stepped on or you got to steppin'. And I swore to myself I wasn't goin' to be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out...
Angel: Ooof. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?

Darla: All you have to do, is let me give you one little moment of happiness.
Angel: You took me places, showed me things. You blew the top off my head. But you never made me happy.
Darla: But that...that cheerleader did?

Furies: Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt.
Cordelia: Angel pfttt. I don't know. For a guy, who's a couple of centuries old; not very big with the wise investing. And when you say 'equipped' that isn't what you mean, is it?
Furies: Mmm, Angel.
Cordelia: Got it. And 'eww!'

Groo: You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion - Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words...
Angel: Mmo-kay...
Groo: "Pomegranate Mist" is the wrong color for this room.

Wesley: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do you have any hobbies?

Doyle (to Cordelia): You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.

Cordelia: This isn't mere dust. This is Son of Dust. This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
Wesley: Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting ...

Wesley: Seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: Well, she tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.

Angel: Really, ah, fun party, last night.
Cordy: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are, you're always worried that no one's going to... suck the energy out of the room like a giant, black hole of boring despair. But, there you were in the clinch.

Angel: I talked to people... Laura.
Cordy: Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.

Angel: I'll try harder. Still, I mean, the quiet reserved thing, don't you think it makes me, kinda,... I don't know, cool?
Cordy: (Referring to Wesley) He was cooler.
Angel: Now I'm depressed.

Angel: Well, what's that old saw, picture your audience in their underwear.
Kate (giving Angel the once-over): Way ahead of you.

Angel: Might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Spike: Why? Cuz you're Angel, Vamp Detective now? Ooo. I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh! Vampire ballerina!
Angel: I do like to work with my legs.

Angel: So, you and I duke it out, huh. This your big strategy for getting the ring back?
Spike: I had a plan.
Angel: You? A plan?
Spike: A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored. All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp. I hate to quip. Just tell me where the damn ring is.
Angel: It wouldn't go with your outfit.

- Lessons Learned -
What can we learn from this series?

* Men-folk are not always around to protect women-folk.
* The handsome man doesn't always rescue the damsel in distress, but she doesn't always need him to.
* We all have a dark side.
* Even good-looking people have problems.
* Beware of beautiful women in dark alleys.
* Beware of handsome men who insist that they don't bite.
* When you feel happy, go ahead and do the dance of joy.
* Some humans are monsters.
* A cry for help is when you say "help" in a loud voice.
* You have got to learn how to play with others.
* We should all smile more.
* Sometimes the journey is taken simply because it must be taken.
* Every family's got its problems.
* Next time you're looking for something, try hitting the last place first.
* Some people just don't know how to have fun anymore.
* Angel is pretty much a girlie name.
* A bomb can ruin a perfectly fine office.
* If someone tries to shoot your own personal back, it's personal.
* Sex has consequences.
* You can overcome your past, but it can be a rocky path.
* Brooding is such a waste of time.
* If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.
* If you're a warrior slated for the coming apocalypse, you're gonna want a hair gel with hold.
* It's not that vampires don't photograph; it's that they don't photograph well.
* Outward appearance is no way to tell about a person's inner self.
* No matter how good you are, sometimes you still need help.
* You can't blame all of your actions on your evil hand.
* Three good things to avoid: dancing, dating, and singing in public.
* If you find yourself in an alternate dimension, it's probably not a good idea to yell loudly for help.
* Don't confuse who you are with what happens to you.
* If you lie to your friends, be sure it will come back to haunt you.
* It's possible to be creeped out and comforted at the same time.
* When the leather pants come out, there's going to be trouble.
* When traveling through an interdimensional portal in a convertible, hold onto any loose objects.
* Vampires can't fly.
* Some people just should not have (a lot of) money.
* Sometimes you only get one second chance.
* Seeing your ex is a bad idea when you're feeling low.
* Beware of lawyers bearing gifts.
* Making the hard decisions is hard.

- Favorite Scenes -
Also known as "moments"

[Angel arrives at Wesley's apartment, knowing Wes is about to have dangerous visitors.]
Wesley: Angel --
Angel: Invite me in.
Wesley: What?
Angel: I've never been here before, Wesley! You have to invite me in!
Wesley: That's true, you haven't...Well. Perhaps if you'd shown more interest --
Angel: Wesley!
[Demons break through the window.]
Wesley: Yes! No! Absolutely! I invite you in! In I invite you!

Angel and Wesley were discussing how they were trapped; they were discussing their options for escape. As the camera zoomed out we learn that they aren't in a life-threatening situation; they are watching Cordelia's terrible interpretation of acting.

[A beaten-up Angel returns with unconscious Skip.]
Wesley: What happened?
Angel: We had words.
Lorne: Between the pummeling?

- Afterthoughts -
Miscellaneous material

Credit: the description is from the IMDb, with some editing by me. Quotes are from Laugh Lines, Love Lines and from the quotes poll results at Angel's Secrets.

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