Cordelia: Lemme break this down for you, Fred. (Being Buffy) Oh, Angel. I
know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us
to be together, but --
Wesley: (Being Angel) But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins,
sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth. Oh Buffy --
Cordelia: Yes, Angel?
Wesley: I love you so much I almost forgot to brood.
Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't
mean we can't be friends.
Wesley: Or possibly more?
Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!
Wesley: To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!
Cordelia: Bite me!
Angel: How 'bout you both bite me?
Spike: Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...
Angel: Spike...
Spike: Look at you.
Angel: Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: You're a--
Angel: Spike!
Spike: You're a bloody puppet! You're a wee, little puppet man!
Man: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
Angel: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.
Faith: Angel's got a kid?
Wesley: Connor.
Faith: A teenage kid… born last year.
Wesley: I told you. He grew up in a hell dimension.
Faith: Right. And what? Cordelia spent her last summer as…?
Wesley: A divine being.
Faith: Uh-huh. Can I just ask… what the hell are you people doing?
Wesley: Leading complicated lives, obviously.
Angel: How old were you when you realized you could track like this?
Connor: I don't know. Five, six. We didn't exactly celebrate birthdays in Quor-Toth. Holtz made up a game so I could practice.
Angel: What, do you mean he'd hide things for you to find?
Connor: Kind of. He'd tie me to a tree and then run away.
Connor: I'll kill you!
Angel: It'll pass.
Lorne: Right. 'Cause Lord knows he's never tried that before.
Cordelia: Okay, you get to leave now. You're not gonna come in here and accuse Angel like this.
Wesley: Cordelia.
Cordelia: No! I don't care how many files you have on all the horrible things that he did back in the powdered wig days. He's good now. And he is my friend. And nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!
Angel: Cordelia. He's right.
Cordelia: You stake him and I'll cut his head off.
Angel: I'm not perfect, Faith. Even with a soul I've done things I've wished a thousand times I could take back.
Angelus: Yeah, like those Manilow concerts, you son of a bitch!
Vampire: Something big is coming, and when it gets here, we're gonna be in prime position for—
Angel: An ass whoopin'?
Demon: I eat fish and occasionally vermin, but that's it, I swear! You believe me, don't you?
Fred: You're still breathing, aren't you?
Demon: More like hyperventilating. You scared the cream cheese outta me.
Darla: But we...
Angel: Yes...
Darla: ...and you...
Angel: I know...
Darla: Then I...
Angel: Three times...
Darla: You're not evil?
Sahjhan: I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy.
Angel: Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing.
Wesley: I'm not quite finished. I think it's only fair that everybody have a turn. The cross obviously doesn't affect me or our friend, the pugilist.
Gunn: Oh, your ass better pray I don't look that word up.
Angel: What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. But then I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective.
Cordelia: Wow. How did I - ? I am a spy. I get it now. You're all spies. Probably all Russian. And you've brainwashed me, and want me to believe we're friends so I'll spill the beans about some nano-techno-thingy that you want.
Gunn: So... I look Russian to you?
Cordelia: Black Russian.
Angel: That's a drink.
Cordelia: Says the head spy.
Wesley: Angel --
Angel: Invite me in.
Wesley: What?
Angel: I've never been here before, Wesley! You have to invite me in!
Wesley: That's true, you haven't...Well. Perhaps if you'd shown more interest --
Angel: Wesley!
Wesley: Yes! No! Absolutely! I invite you in! In I invite you!
Fred: You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch.
Lindsey: I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet. Six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's bein' nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. See we had a choice -- you got stepped on or you got to steppin'. And I swore to myself I wasn't goin' to be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out…
Angel: Ooof. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?
Darla: All you have do, is let me give you one little moment of happiness.
Angel: You took me places, showed me things. You blew the top off my head. But you never made me happy.
Darla: But that...that cheerleader did?
Furies: Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt.
Cordelia: Angel pfttt. I don't know. For a guy, who's a couple of centuries old; not very big with the wise investing. And when you say 'equipped' that isn't what you mean, is it?
Furies: Mmm, Angel.
Cordelia: Got it. And 'eww!'
Groo: You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion – Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words...
Angel: Mmo-kay...
Groo: "Pomegranate Mist" is the wrong color for this room.
Wesley: As a point of courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do you have any hobbies?
Doyle (to Cordelia): You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
Cordelia: This isn't mere dust. This is Son of Dust. This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust.
I give up.
Wesley: Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting ...
Wesley: Seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: Well, she tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.
Angel: Really, ah, fun party, last night.
Cordy: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are, you're always worried that no one's going to... suck the energy out of the room like a giant, black hole of boring despair. But, there you were in the clinch.
Angel: I talked to people... Laura.
Cordy: Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.
Angel: I'll try harder. Still, I mean, the quiet reserved thing, don't you think it makes me, kinda,... I don't know, cool?
Cordy: (Referring to Wesley) He was cooler.
Angel: Now I'm depressed.
Angel: Well, what's that old saw, picture your audience in their underwear.
Kate (giving Angel the once-over): Way ahead of you.
Angel: Might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Spike: Why? Cuz you're Angel, Vamp Detective now? Ooo. I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh! Vampire ballerina!
Angel: I do like to work with my legs.
Angel: So, you and I duke it out, huh. This your big strategy for getting the ring back?
Spike: I had a plan.
Angel: You? A plan?
Spike: A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out. But I got bored. All that watching, waiting. My legs started to cramp. I hate to quip. Just tell me where the damn ring is.
Angel: It wouldn't go with your outfit.
